Time changes us, time changes everything...
It heals us, it wises us up, it ages us, it makes us realise...
Months ago, I felt emotionally stirred looking at his picture... Now I feel nauseous. Good or bad? I think it's a good sign. Time doesn't solve problems but it makes us look back and feel somewhat relieved. I don't know why too, perhaps they are telling us that everything that has happened are meant to.
That feeling no longer lingers inside me. It has dissolved, like a spoonful of honey circled into the mug of boiling water. It slowly warms me up as the sweetness slides down my throat.
...
I re- read some entries I wrote years ago and am amazed how different they are from what I am writing nowadays. I used to express my feelings more openly, and my affection. Today I am more guarded, more protective and probably more cautious of whatever I am posting on here (to the public). I definitely see myself growing up from all these years of blogging. Seasoned already.
...
Some things I picked up never change though:
1. Recycling every possible things
Sometimes my parents (and sisters) just don't understand why I am doing this, and they simply don't see how I have picked this up back in Germany. But now they are being influenced after my constant years of chucking them in the yellow recycling bags. I occasionally still pick things up from the bins to put them in the bags!
2. My favourite soft drink is Diet Coke
I used to dislike it but it's now my top few choices.
3. I still take pictures of anything & everything that caught my fancy
It's just me.
4. I enjoy taking risks and live an unpredictable life
It has began at age 22.
5. I have a love-hate relationship with my home country
I love it because I grew up here, I have friends and family. I hate it because it stops me from the life I want to seek because of obligations & responsibilities. I hate restrictions, rules and people whom call me selfish just because they are selfish (by inducing guilt when I want to pursue my independence).
6. I put my family first for now
After so many encounters I witnessed, family no doubt is always a very important source of support at any time of your life. You may hate someone, you might not be able to show your love for someone, you might not have the perfect family... but they will always be there for you. Every single day, I feel the love from my parents through the very little things they did for me.
7. My happiness doesn't depend on another being
Unlike the past, I always thought that someone else is needed to keep me happy. Isolation is a good time to discover how contented one can be.
8. The word "shy" is almost never used on me now
A deputy director of my previous company once casually remarked that I'm a "late-bloomer" after I was crowned the "Scrabble Champion" at the company's competition. You might wonder why? Everyone was amazed when I revealed my English was a grade C at 'O' levels, I just barely passed. But over the years, I proved my worth. I wrote. I write. I keep writing. But Scrabble is not a game of language, it's strategy as well as good memory (you've to memorize the 2 lettered combinations!). English matters but not first on priority. And I think he's right. I am a late-bloomer, I gradually found myself. If you meet me now and 10 years ago, you can tell the difference.
That's all for tonight... I'm feeling uncomfortable, still nauseous perhaps. That photo obviously doesn't make me feel good :p
30.3.10
It's a small small world
A few random incidents had me concluded that the world is this small after all, never mind the billions of people out there... and not to say the near 5 millions in Singapore, yet it still can be so tiny.
I have a "new" colleague, she's not that new now... but recently I got to know her a little better. Little did I know that she's the wife of my ex-colleague in my previous (x2) job. It happened that I worked with her husband before, we were in the same project and I was actually working closely with him then. Hahaha. But for now, I have not told him that I have met his wife, because it's going to be a surprise when we meet at Universal Studios tomorrow for the staff event.
This morning, I was speaking to a friend... You must have heard of Benjamin Mok, the cyclist who was knocked down and killed in a road accident, the news is everywhere. I caught it on television, but I didn't know or couldn't possibly imagine that this Ben actually is the same person that my friend was referring to all the while! It's alarming to comprehend the fact that someone close to you can suddenly leave you any moment! I don't know how I would feel if someone once so close to me is dead, even if I hated him so much... or worse if I loved him just as much. To the loved ones of Ben, my condolences.
I have a "new" colleague, she's not that new now... but recently I got to know her a little better. Little did I know that she's the wife of my ex-colleague in my previous (x2) job. It happened that I worked with her husband before, we were in the same project and I was actually working closely with him then. Hahaha. But for now, I have not told him that I have met his wife, because it's going to be a surprise when we meet at Universal Studios tomorrow for the staff event.
This morning, I was speaking to a friend... You must have heard of Benjamin Mok, the cyclist who was knocked down and killed in a road accident, the news is everywhere. I caught it on television, but I didn't know or couldn't possibly imagine that this Ben actually is the same person that my friend was referring to all the while! It's alarming to comprehend the fact that someone close to you can suddenly leave you any moment! I don't know how I would feel if someone once so close to me is dead, even if I hated him so much... or worse if I loved him just as much. To the loved ones of Ben, my condolences.
29.3.10
I can't think of a title, except calling it "Cinema"
A cute animation made my day. Thanks BS for How to train your dragon film and sweet salty popcorn :)
The title sounds crap, however I can't think of a better one after watching the film. Hahah, but I'm sure they can come up with a better one. Anyhow, aside from the title which didn't appeal to me in the first place, I heard many great comments about the film. Thus I decided to give it a go. I didn't watch the 3D version, saving my eyes from wearing the 3D glasses after 8 hours in front of a computer! It would be kinda tiring.
I love this film, also partly because I enjoy Scottish accent. It just amuses me and I heard lots in this film -- Gerard Bulter & Craig Ferguson. Like the reviews, many commented it's similar to Avatar with all the flying... yes, but it's enjoyable ;) The plot is refreshing, and made Night Fury (the black dragon) such an adorable character too. I particularly like the dragon fighting scenes, I normally don't like much actions, but this gives me such an adrenalin rush (not quite sure if I should say it's from the coke ;p)... Oh, the characters do have very funny names as well!
Go for it - a nice relaxing movie at the end of a working day!
My verdict: 4/5
Oh I also watched Alice in Wonderland recently, the plot is very predictable though. The attraction of this film is probably the wonderful make-up of the characters plus Johnny Depp casting in it (oh, how can women resist!) :) He's my favourite character in there, as The Mad Hatter. Somehow it seems to differ quite a bit from the storybook, I still have a pink hardcover copy given to me by my late auntie. I remember she took me to the bookstore, and I could choose any book I wanted... I have no idea why I chose it and I barely remember the story now too! Still, it's a little precious book because it reminds me of my aunt! It's a good film with wonderful effects & props, just don't expect much excitement from it!
My verdict: 3.5/5 (0.5 more for my beloved actor Johnny!)
The title sounds crap, however I can't think of a better one after watching the film. Hahah, but I'm sure they can come up with a better one. Anyhow, aside from the title which didn't appeal to me in the first place, I heard many great comments about the film. Thus I decided to give it a go. I didn't watch the 3D version, saving my eyes from wearing the 3D glasses after 8 hours in front of a computer! It would be kinda tiring.
I love this film, also partly because I enjoy Scottish accent. It just amuses me and I heard lots in this film -- Gerard Bulter & Craig Ferguson. Like the reviews, many commented it's similar to Avatar with all the flying... yes, but it's enjoyable ;) The plot is refreshing, and made Night Fury (the black dragon) such an adorable character too. I particularly like the dragon fighting scenes, I normally don't like much actions, but this gives me such an adrenalin rush (not quite sure if I should say it's from the coke ;p)... Oh, the characters do have very funny names as well!
Go for it - a nice relaxing movie at the end of a working day!
My verdict: 4/5
Oh I also watched Alice in Wonderland recently, the plot is very predictable though. The attraction of this film is probably the wonderful make-up of the characters plus Johnny Depp casting in it (oh, how can women resist!) :) He's my favourite character in there, as The Mad Hatter. Somehow it seems to differ quite a bit from the storybook, I still have a pink hardcover copy given to me by my late auntie. I remember she took me to the bookstore, and I could choose any book I wanted... I have no idea why I chose it and I barely remember the story now too! Still, it's a little precious book because it reminds me of my aunt! It's a good film with wonderful effects & props, just don't expect much excitement from it!
My verdict: 3.5/5 (0.5 more for my beloved actor Johnny!)
The best things in life
I am speaking to a friend right this moment and he suddenly asked about my last Kota Kinabalu trip... we were sharing experiences and then he told me I missed out the best of Kinabalu. To me, I had a wonderful trip, pleasant company and that is already the best for me. I wonder how people categorize "best", is doing what most people do the best thing? Climbing Mt Kinabalu no doubt is one of the must-do for many in Sabah, but to me it's not a priority because I have been to the place and I have seen Mt Kinabalu right from Kinabalu Park. I don't have to be above the clouds. I chose not to climb at 2am in the cold and darkness. I guess the best for me is a much easier solution than for all. If you ask me what's the best thing to do in London, I wouldn't say visit the Tower of London, Big Ben or even go up on The London Eye... The best is to enjoy each moment you're there, even if you're lost or missed the last ferry and had to miss the start of your tour (like I did, but the rest of the journey was awesome because I chose to see it that way). Because very often, not the best leaves you profound memories... but how you decide to perceive something, because then you'll often experience the best :)
Write or not to write?
Blog, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as often as I wish I would have.
Sometimes I felt like I have lost the knack for it... sometimes I just don't know if I should blog... you know, very random thoughts, very private thoughts. I like to write them down but I don't want to make it known. Such a dilemma. Maybe I will try metaphrasing them eh!
Sometimes I felt like I have lost the knack for it... sometimes I just don't know if I should blog... you know, very random thoughts, very private thoughts. I like to write them down but I don't want to make it known. Such a dilemma. Maybe I will try metaphrasing them eh!
28.3.10
Women go mad...
Magazines, magazines, magazines... I am caught in the frenzy, so are my friends (& colleagues). We are mad, gone mad.
If you follow this blog (also look at his other links), you will know exactly what I mean. We are victims of fashion, slaves of brands and sinners of freebies. Women, why are your lives so difficult and filled with all kinds of temptation - just like the temptation of married men??
This month, I have gotten 7 magazines excluding one I bought specially for Taiwan research. All 7 are fashion related: 3 Japanese (1 magazine, 2 e-mooks also known as product catalogue), 1 Taiwanese, 1 Hong Kong, 2 local (but overseas' titles). That's a bit too much, I almost felt that I am compensating the lack of magazines' purchase for the whole of last year!
I also have spent a lot this month... I just don't know why, it seems like I'm getting out of control. I can't stop myself from taking out the card. Curb it!!!!!! I shall. I should think of how much I need to save for the coming trip, yes, please!!
I have signed one year of my life with Kinokuniya, and I know I will fall for it again (yes, magazines!). But I will impose myself a limit, and I won't give in easily. Yes, I can discipline myself ;)
For now, I am glad March is coming to an end... and no more for this month! I promised "3 months no more Japanese magazines", let's see how good I am at resisting :x
If you follow this blog (also look at his other links), you will know exactly what I mean. We are victims of fashion, slaves of brands and sinners of freebies. Women, why are your lives so difficult and filled with all kinds of temptation - just like the temptation of married men??
This month, I have gotten 7 magazines excluding one I bought specially for Taiwan research. All 7 are fashion related: 3 Japanese (1 magazine, 2 e-mooks also known as product catalogue), 1 Taiwanese, 1 Hong Kong, 2 local (but overseas' titles). That's a bit too much, I almost felt that I am compensating the lack of magazines' purchase for the whole of last year!
I also have spent a lot this month... I just don't know why, it seems like I'm getting out of control. I can't stop myself from taking out the card. Curb it!!!!!! I shall. I should think of how much I need to save for the coming trip, yes, please!!
I have signed one year of my life with Kinokuniya, and I know I will fall for it again (yes, magazines!). But I will impose myself a limit, and I won't give in easily. Yes, I can discipline myself ;)
For now, I am glad March is coming to an end... and no more for this month! I promised "3 months no more Japanese magazines", let's see how good I am at resisting :x
16.3.10
And anticipation awaits...
I am finally on my way to Taiwan... well, not now. In July.
It has been on my list of destinations for a while, like Australia, Japan and Northern & Central Vietnam. Let me get to those later! After a few years of delay and procrastination, this is happening - almost couldn't believe it! I intended to visit in January 2010, but due to the Hong Kong trip which I took my parents last year, I couldn't, it burnt a hole in my pocket. But now I am ready... well I will be by July :)
It was a shame it wasn't the cheapest flight, but to save the hassle of flying from KL (Well, Air Asia had a no-one-can-beat-it offer!), I decided to go with Jetstar's promotion. I am not a fan of budget airlines nowadays, especially since they started to incur so many hidden costs (for checked in luggage, for picking a seat, for credit card facilitating fee)... I think we as customers felt cheated when you see another amount added onto the supposedly "promotional" price. What to do? I save merely S$160, which I would be given food, choice of seat and free in-flight movies if I have chosen Cathay (which will transit in HK, thus almost doubling the traveling time).
I booked the flight on Sunday, just a day before the promotion ended. Many dates were sold out for the cheapest seats, so I had to carefully plan and 14 days that is! It was nerve-wrecking as I did not have anything else planned except for getting the flight sorted out first. I wonder how much I can see in 14 days and how much I will have to spend for 14 days... but well, I will tell you when I'm back! I finally paid for the flight last evening on the SAM machine after much hesitation... my heart was pounding for the whole of Monday afternoon. By surrendering my money to them, it's non-refundable and it means I AM GOING TO TAIWAN!!!
I decided to sleep away my worries last night... I haven't been on a solo trip since 2005, and this is going to be another start. I know, it will be an adventure but I just can't help being such a worrisome loser... Singapore is a horrible horrible place to "want to be independent"!!!! It's protected, sheltered, convenient and anyone who stays long enough just become some kind of coddled babies. I certainly miss my life back in London where I would learn to handle crisis when it comes. Right here right now, even booking a holiday to somewhere alone, I'm clouded with so many vexing thoughts which I shouldn't even bother, or if I had a choice I don't want to be bothered! I want my life back!!!!!!
I know for sure, going to Taiwan will find back the old "me", the "me" I want to be... and therefore I know it is the right decision. I shall look forward to it... I have so many ideas (going to Ceramics museum and perhaps make something for myself? staying in a wonderful minsu by the beach? couchsurfing? doing nature trails?), so many places I'd like to go and I think 14 days is a barely minimum. Another consolation is that my friend will be in Taipei nearing my end of stay and we can probably hang out.
It has been on my list of destinations for a while, like Australia, Japan and Northern & Central Vietnam. Let me get to those later! After a few years of delay and procrastination, this is happening - almost couldn't believe it! I intended to visit in January 2010, but due to the Hong Kong trip which I took my parents last year, I couldn't, it burnt a hole in my pocket. But now I am ready... well I will be by July :)
It was a shame it wasn't the cheapest flight, but to save the hassle of flying from KL (Well, Air Asia had a no-one-can-beat-it offer!), I decided to go with Jetstar's promotion. I am not a fan of budget airlines nowadays, especially since they started to incur so many hidden costs (for checked in luggage, for picking a seat, for credit card facilitating fee)... I think we as customers felt cheated when you see another amount added onto the supposedly "promotional" price. What to do? I save merely S$160, which I would be given food, choice of seat and free in-flight movies if I have chosen Cathay (which will transit in HK, thus almost doubling the traveling time).
I booked the flight on Sunday, just a day before the promotion ended. Many dates were sold out for the cheapest seats, so I had to carefully plan and 14 days that is! It was nerve-wrecking as I did not have anything else planned except for getting the flight sorted out first. I wonder how much I can see in 14 days and how much I will have to spend for 14 days... but well, I will tell you when I'm back! I finally paid for the flight last evening on the SAM machine after much hesitation... my heart was pounding for the whole of Monday afternoon. By surrendering my money to them, it's non-refundable and it means I AM GOING TO TAIWAN!!!
I decided to sleep away my worries last night... I haven't been on a solo trip since 2005, and this is going to be another start. I know, it will be an adventure but I just can't help being such a worrisome loser... Singapore is a horrible horrible place to "want to be independent"!!!! It's protected, sheltered, convenient and anyone who stays long enough just become some kind of coddled babies. I certainly miss my life back in London where I would learn to handle crisis when it comes. Right here right now, even booking a holiday to somewhere alone, I'm clouded with so many vexing thoughts which I shouldn't even bother, or if I had a choice I don't want to be bothered! I want my life back!!!!!!
I know for sure, going to Taiwan will find back the old "me", the "me" I want to be... and therefore I know it is the right decision. I shall look forward to it... I have so many ideas (going to Ceramics museum and perhaps make something for myself? staying in a wonderful minsu by the beach? couchsurfing? doing nature trails?), so many places I'd like to go and I think 14 days is a barely minimum. Another consolation is that my friend will be in Taipei nearing my end of stay and we can probably hang out.
台灣，请歡迎和期待我的到來吧！
10.3.10
Weds in a dump
Rainy Wednesday. Cloudy thoughts. Dampened mood.
I don't understand why...
I don't understand why...
- Women wear super high heels on rainy days and had to walk slow as snails.
- Men still think of cheating when they already are with someone.
- A human that resembles a fat cat is as lazy as one.
- People at work need to be moved, be chased, be harassed before they can reply emails.
- Diamonds are woman's best friends.
- Delicious soups take so much trouble to make, unhealthy ones are sold everywhere in supermarkets.
- There isn't a term "Thank God it's Monday!".
- There's only 24 hours and there is so much to do - Sleep for at least 6 hours, eat, shower, make up (for women) & skin care , commute, make meals (for hardworking people), laundry (for hardworking people), iron (for hardworking people), do sports (for hardworking people), relax (doing something you like - shop, watch TV, read, write, surf internet), run errands (grocery shop, wrap a gift for a friend), socializing after office hours, and spend at least 9 hours at work. And many a times, you simply can't finish all of these in one day! It seems like I only iron once in months, or only when I want to wear something that particular day! And of course, God will reply, "That's why I created weekends!"... But God, life is too short to wait for weekends!!
8.3.10
Beastly surprise
Read Jack Neo's affair.
Our infamous Singaporean director has made another hit, this time round with headline news of his affair being exposed. When I first read about the news on Yahoo, there was an initial surprise, but these days such things have been happening too often that it seems to be a trend. Right after Tiger Woods'?
The thing that disgusts me is that the woman is young enough to be his daughter or date his 19-year-old son (Edit: Seems like the news report is not reliable, it's said to be a 19-year-old daughter now)! But it serves him right... how mature is a 22-year-old??? She threatened to harm herself and even confronted Neo's wife? Not a surprise! To know that Mrs Neo actually is aware of the affair and still keeping her marriage intact - I wonder what is trust and commitment in a marriage? Perhaps it is only a piece of paper to these men.
It has even started a seriously long discussion on my friend's Facebook status - men and infidelity. Fortunately, there are still men who will not cheat (if they are as truthful as their words)... I almost talked myself into believing all the men being the same, and they will cheat at some point in their lives. Also unfortunately, all these things are not within our control but that person who is deciding on whether to cheat or not. Today, I believe a lot of people have cheated on their partners, and it boiled down to whether it was known to their partners. That's why "Ignorance is a bliss!"... but not when he starts to bring back some sexual diseases! To be unbiased, I think it's the same for women, a lot of married women have affairs too. What is this world coming to???
I watched a documentary on a tribe (Penan) in Sarawak, where lives are so much more simpler. No money, no jobs, no politics... they survive solely by hunting for food and providing for their loved ones. Why can't life be the same?
So people, if you're married and you cheat... you suck, you #!#@$#%@$% beast!
Our infamous Singaporean director has made another hit, this time round with headline news of his affair being exposed. When I first read about the news on Yahoo, there was an initial surprise, but these days such things have been happening too often that it seems to be a trend. Right after Tiger Woods'?
The thing that disgusts me is that the woman is young enough to be his daughter or date his 19-year-old son (Edit: Seems like the news report is not reliable, it's said to be a 19-year-old daughter now)! But it serves him right... how mature is a 22-year-old??? She threatened to harm herself and even confronted Neo's wife? Not a surprise! To know that Mrs Neo actually is aware of the affair and still keeping her marriage intact - I wonder what is trust and commitment in a marriage? Perhaps it is only a piece of paper to these men.
It has even started a seriously long discussion on my friend's Facebook status - men and infidelity. Fortunately, there are still men who will not cheat (if they are as truthful as their words)... I almost talked myself into believing all the men being the same, and they will cheat at some point in their lives. Also unfortunately, all these things are not within our control but that person who is deciding on whether to cheat or not. Today, I believe a lot of people have cheated on their partners, and it boiled down to whether it was known to their partners. That's why "Ignorance is a bliss!"... but not when he starts to bring back some sexual diseases! To be unbiased, I think it's the same for women, a lot of married women have affairs too. What is this world coming to???
I watched a documentary on a tribe (Penan) in Sarawak, where lives are so much more simpler. No money, no jobs, no politics... they survive solely by hunting for food and providing for their loved ones. Why can't life be the same?
So people, if you're married and you cheat... you suck, you #!#@$#%@$% beast!
5.3.10
Three weddings
One of my close friends is getting hitched. Another of my good friend is also getting married. Suddenly, there was news that one of my BFFs is engaged and probably wedding bells will ring too! Engaged? I don't understand engagement, when you can still call it off. But at least I guess it's a proposal, a form of assurance and I guess it also means extra time to consider before signing the deed.
The hope of attending of overseas weddings seems to diminish when friends decided to hold it back in Singapore! Good or bad? Good for the wallet but a little disappointing! My friend told me about his magnificent plan of having a beach wedding in Phuket or Bali, but now he has decided against it and is holding it here and also in China (bride's family). I don't think I can afford to fly there as there's budget limitation, looking at the no. of weddings to attend. My other friend also decided not to have it in Hong Kong where the groom is, so it's all back in Singapore. Well I guess, what to do?! It's not my wedding, I can't decide :p
So, here in Singapore, 3 weddings. I wonder if I get to be maid of honour! I want to be one! I want to give a speech for my BFF's wedding since they have met through me - I can imagine myself shivering on stage giving a speech to all their guests! Perhaps so touched that I will cry? And I'm sure they will cry along with me! :)
The hope of attending of overseas weddings seems to diminish when friends decided to hold it back in Singapore! Good or bad? Good for the wallet but a little disappointing! My friend told me about his magnificent plan of having a beach wedding in Phuket or Bali, but now he has decided against it and is holding it here and also in China (bride's family). I don't think I can afford to fly there as there's budget limitation, looking at the no. of weddings to attend. My other friend also decided not to have it in Hong Kong where the groom is, so it's all back in Singapore. Well I guess, what to do?! It's not my wedding, I can't decide :p
So, here in Singapore, 3 weddings. I wonder if I get to be maid of honour! I want to be one! I want to give a speech for my BFF's wedding since they have met through me - I can imagine myself shivering on stage giving a speech to all their guests! Perhaps so touched that I will cry? And I'm sure they will cry along with me! :)
3
March.
Time shot past like a bullet train. It seems like yesterday we were all celebrating the arrival of 2010, and now 2 months are already in history. Perhaps it was also because one of my BFFs returned home for holiday, and so it just flew by...
No public holiday in March. Work is dragging day by day. I often asked myself why are we working?? Some people just became entrepreneurs while the rest of us are just slogging for companies that doesn't even provide excellent welfare or career progression. Is it a choice? Is it luck? Is it timing? Is it capability? Or is it just money?
So often I'm so exhausted... so often I found myself knocking out earlier and earlier than usual... so often I lost the inspiration and energy to write... so often my camera finds me neglecting it... so often I want to do something based on my emotions but my head tells me otherwise... so often I blame God for creating complicated humans.
Time shot past like a bullet train. It seems like yesterday we were all celebrating the arrival of 2010, and now 2 months are already in history. Perhaps it was also because one of my BFFs returned home for holiday, and so it just flew by...
No public holiday in March. Work is dragging day by day. I often asked myself why are we working?? Some people just became entrepreneurs while the rest of us are just slogging for companies that doesn't even provide excellent welfare or career progression. Is it a choice? Is it luck? Is it timing? Is it capability? Or is it just money?
So often I'm so exhausted... so often I found myself knocking out earlier and earlier than usual... so often I lost the inspiration and energy to write... so often my camera finds me neglecting it... so often I want to do something based on my emotions but my head tells me otherwise... so often I blame God for creating complicated humans.
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