Wah lao eh S$128

Something's wrong with me!!!

I can't say "NO" to beautiful things.

"I told ya, I told ya, if you step into that Orange Pages one more time, just one more time, you'll be dead meat. How can you resist??? You know you can't!!" And there it goes. It is true. I have stopped myself from entering the shop since last December after I spent S$70 on a top. For the past few weeks, I can't keep my eyes off that pretty tube dress in the display window. Blue, floral, japanese and most of all beautiful. S$128.

I tried it and loved it. That's the thing about woman (don't shop if you can)!

About to...

I wanted to blog about my idol and his spectacles again yesterday... but it actually slipped off my mind. Well, I guess not many of you are keen to know about my eye candy! My eyes have been eating ice cream... since I was first introduced to him at the company's Xmas party. Enough! Enough!! Enough!!!

It was miraculously one of the best days in my life yesterday!

I can't explain in words how it came about, I felt so good. Angela, my mate has finally finally made a step forward, I've seen her stuck in the rut for god-I-dun-wana-say-how-long!!! She cleared her path and somehow it did intoxicate me with her potion of future optimism. Though she is still fiddling with her life at the moment, it was a courageous move she has taken. I'm glad for her - genuinely.

It must have gotten a while before I realized I was speaking to a Brazilian chap online. Brazil isn't American! I had ridiculously hated people who discussed about weather or some countries' affair. And I was actually doing it. It wasn't boring talking about winter at 20 degrees in Brazil...

Alex was online yesterday. In case, you didn't know who he is... he's the london chap I once fell in love with! Don't remind me about why, how, when or what! Unexpectedly, I blurted out things I have always wanted to say to him. Things that happened beyond what he could have seen. I didn't know if he suddenly felt sorry for me, when he did apologise. It does not matter to me anymore. Really. I've promised myself nothing will come out between us again. Still, I'm looking forward to hang out with him in london, having a warm beer in cold winter!

Sour Coffee

I grew up drinking coffee, now I can't brew a good cup myself! Arghhhh... Maybe the ones I had are all 3-in-1, and I haven't had a proper cup of brewed coffee for years (count out those at coffee house/ club/ shop). I can recall having it everyday when I was in primary school, later on the habit ceased due to my knowledge of caffeine. Funny! Today, I had some sweet bread for lunch which goes well with coffee. So I just thought I shall brew one. I looked at those white powder, coffee powder and sugar... can't figure how much of it to add!! Crap!

Idol is wearing glasses today, somehow he looks like a very serious businessman. Very decent, very g**, very different.

My blog visitors!!!

People whom were reading my blog aren't reading my blog, people whom I didn't think are reading my blog were reading my blog. I'm pleased to hear friends telling me they have been following and their thoughts on my writings. Even then, they can be too lazy to input a comment, its still cool to tell me over some messenger or something...

Work is routine. I'm a little crazy over preparing my own meals. I'm still trying to kick off my laziness!!!! It's biting me like a stray dog - not letting go!! HELP! Even when money is coming in, I'm not taking the opportunity. Whats the matter with me?? Why am I not crazy over earning money?! Why am I not obsessed like before doing my website?! Somehow I'm not craving for companionship, yet I miss doing things together. I need some soul searching...

Again, thank you for reading. Comments are always welcome but not an obligation!

Ewan my porn star

Did I mentioned Ewan was shown fully naked in the film??? Goshh...

Ewan McGregor - my favourite actor since Moulin Rouge or actually it was Star Wars starring as Obiwan. Not forgetting his Big Fish, Down with love and now the british film, Young Adam. He's sooo..... good looking. Yeah, scottish?! Mmmmm...

Choking on words

I can't express my unhappiness tonight. It's not about me. It's everyone around me. The remote feeling, the growing distance, that don't-give-a-damn shit, the words clogging in my head, and that emptiness. I'll be all right after a good sleep I guess.

Meaningless film

The Amazing Story is not at all amazing... I'd call it long, dragging and meaningless. What are these Japaneses thinking?? Abduction of brother's wife?? Funny people.

There are a few sex scenes, and this is the first time I cried when I watched it. Somehow it made me emotional... *sad*

Don't scare me leh...

Dear Syndy is leaving us for her beloved, or actually to try out her next phase of life in Canada. In a way, I'm envious. She has someone waiting there for her. But me? I'm going all alone, I'm dependent on my own. My money. My accomodation. My friends?! Maybe that's the independence I'm really looking forward to. Freaky!

I can't admit I've no fear. Even the strongest person had fallen once, many people told me how courageous it is to do that. I've that confidence, I've the faith in me, but that doesn't say I don't have worries. My family back here! My new life over there!!

Having another last dinner with the girls (before syndy flies) last night suddenly induced so much pressure. They spoke about crimes, rapes and all other possible bad things that could happen. Yes, I have to say I've considered them, but they aren't going to be the excuses I'm preventing myself from deciding on the trip.

When have I made up my mind? This january. When have I been yearning to go back to london and live a life (at least once)?? A year ago.

It was a stressful conversation picking up my fears, because I'm always putting my eyes on the positive aspects. That's what that gets me going. When Syndy asked me not to go and rather join her in Canada, I saw a clearer view of what I'm going to pursue. Not a new life anywhere! Its the dream of living in london (whether in there or outside), flying to europe, going up to scotland, meeting new people, exploring life MYSELF. Rediscover myself & my capabilities.

My dear friends are worried for me, so are my parents. I'm worried too... but I can't imagine living my life here for another 2 years doing exactly what I am doing. I want to go out there!! Why is Singapore so safe and every else not?? Thats what I want to look beyond.

Every person whom told me they've confidence in me are LIARS... They said so, then the next thing is discouraging me not to go. Either that, or they make it sound like the easiest thing to do!!! I'm sad, I still trust myself.

cha-me'le-on'ic po-ta-to

My boss (idol) sort of checked on me at work yesterday, yeah he obviously knew I'm on msn err... for most of the time as long as my hands are not tied up with work. He was asking if I'm chatting on it frequently arr... honestly I do not chat as much as I did before. He's flexible about it (ok I reckon! and I hope its right!) so long I'm doing my part of my job. Ok, wait, in case you're thinking I'm a bad employee, hey almost everyone is using some form of messenger - msn/ icq/ yahoo/ whatever... I guess everyone else would feel bad about being checked upon by their boss, but I'm not. Sucker me, I like the attention ;) Now, I mean attention from a good-looking boss. Ha ha. Anyhow, I wasn't using it much for talking cock talking crap conversation, well more to short & nice ones. Enough of useless explanation eh, anyhow my idol is not reading this. I find myself amusing sometimes...

He still likes to come over once in a while to check how my work is going, very nice of him. Just too bad, I was bit off guarded yesterday. He he.

I can't understand myself (very well). So does my mates. Let alone the men who tried to!! My conversation with you does not reflect me at all time, it reflects on my mood. My writings reveal many little secrets if you read between those lines. My journal has dark dirty secrets which now I do not see that need to write anymore. My behaviour varies so much, I want to say I'm a mood dependent person. I can be a snob, too talkative, unusually quiet, humourous, sarcastic or laugh around you. Ah, though I'm not too comfortable farting around my friends yet.

Speaking of chameleonic... I'm so inspired to write about my short history revolving around my personality (or personalities!!). My childhood. In addition to finding some old classmates in friendster - people I knew when I was 5-12, some old memories floated back in. Sweet!

Po-ta-to under twelve

The little po-ta-to when she was young, was a shy doll. Big eyes, straight long black hair, short fringe, like colorful dresses and very polite (or has taught to be). Then she grew up a little more violent with all the small fights with sister and cousins (boys). She displayed an amazingly outburst of energy in hide-and-seek and video/ arcade games. In school, she loved PE lessons but hated running around the fields. Childhood asthma made her so sick but never could bring her down. She grew up and away from it, but was still a good excuse to skip running lessons. Haa.

At seven, she detested a teacher because she did not let her go to the restroom. How can a little girl taught to hold her pee back! She enjoyed schooling, having lot of friends, spending lunch break in the bookshop buying useless pretty stuffs. Mum always picked her up, but she got used later to walking home with classmates. Mum was always playing mahjong, she had to follow along after school, doing homework over at strangers' home. She made a few friends through these but never really got used to their company.

In class, she was thrilled everytime she got picked as a leader. She liked to lead but never in full control and so being well-liked by everyone. She never once raised her hand to answer a question though I knew she wanted to. She fought with a guy once because she was bullied. Now thinking of it, I think that was courageous even if she had lost to the bully. During class, she came to aid of a shy guy who got bullied by girls. But she also showed she could be a bully sitting besides a lazy bum whom wouldn't do his homework.

She loves mathematics and chinese. Chinese teacher was very strict though, he would hit you on the head if you crossed or shaked your legs. English was always fun but our form teacher whom taught us sucked at it. He was good at scratching his feet and slapping the naughty boys. She learned computer as an ECA so she could play the computer games (ok, educational ones!). She had a few best mates but they got stolen and replaced by even better ones. Not a bad deal eh!

One word: Shiok!

I reached home near 5am, thanks so much to angela who offered herself as a chauffeur for the big day. Angela is a babe who deprived herself from the confidence and capability she actually possesses. That big potential inside her is like a time-bomb, it could explode anytime and caught you off guard. Sitting in her car (the first ride I suppose) wasn't anything freaky, I guess I've trusted her skills through our strong friendship rather than putting into consideration about all the time she haven't drove for some time.

It was like an one & half hour journey for me after I hopped on. We proceeded to pick up two more babes. Along the way, so many skipping-a-heartbeat, funny moments and grumbling went on... we missed a turn or two, ran up the curb for a second, forgot to turn on the signal, etc. All in all, it was a fabulous experience sitting in for this joyride, afterall it went smoothly eh.

I can't count how many months since I last stepped on the dance floor. The decent night agreed upon a fine dinner to start off, coffee break later and clubbing, like usual, rocks!! Afterall, its an all-girls-night-out :)

p/s: Thanks to Syndy, Lisi, Angie & aso Peilin whom have made this possible...

Big MEATS out

Tomorrow, I'll be FAT. Or all four of us will be fat for a day... Its the dinner (finally). It seems to be coming all too fast, yet for weeks I've been yearning for this day to come. I've done massive preparation though its all not coming as a surprise - it will guarantee a good time. We are treating ourselves a sumptuous meal, probably a last together! Got to throw all our budget, worries about gaining weight and looking bad on just this day - the BIG day. Look - this is how exciting I am. I do hope they are as well.

I'm having blistered feet (again), damn it. One pimple that has trademarked me like an indian (yeah centre of the forehead), maybe I should paint that red. All that workout that has left me more muscles (or fats I can reckon)... arghhh, hope I can still get into my pants/skirt nicely!! Yes, yes, not going to forget about more self-grooming & home spa plus maybe some aromatherapy tonight. Nothing is stopping me for tomorrow!!

Sniff sniff sniff...

I've been attacked by the flu monster this morning!!! How can that happened when the nights are warm like hell...

I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick.

I still got to do california classes, wreck my brain to complete my homepage concept, get all prepared for our grand dinner on Saturday. Pretty girls on sixth avenue!

I'm going to single out Friday evening for a good rest - like it has always been. People like to hit the clubs on friday, whereas I like to crash at home. Soak the feet, scrub the back, shave the legs, condition the hair, trim the nails, do facial, write something, relax on couch, watch tv, munch some chips - do you not think that's like a home spa!

Out of place

The nights are getting incredibly warm, I'm beginning to detest living in hot countries. My lunch buddy (ex-colleague) is going in 2 weeks' time, sort of sad but definitely a better future laying ahead for him. It should be also time then I'll start making own lunch and cutting down cost. Idol is not in the office much, his mate is always poking into others' affair. So tired of office politics! Finally eh... I've made a step nearer to applying the working holiday visa. I'm worried about mum, she's down with sickness for past years. When I leave, I hate to see the changes I'll be bringing to the family. They can cope well without me, but I still reckon I've to visit within a year to see how things have been going. I'll miss my mum, my dad (even though he doesn't show much love) and my two sometimes-so-irritating sisters (they can be nice!).

Leave-home-syndrome

I'm searching deep inside me... for that anxiety about leaving, the hang up about the preparation, fear about the upcoming new phase of life and my usual worrying tendency. But it wasn't there. I should be having cold feet when I've made a step nearer to the day I'm setting off. But no. Ironically, I'm numbed.

I've finally gotten over that frightening procedure - taking passport photos. 95% of the ones in my past made me look like some drug addicts (messy hair and unfocused), or well they do suck the very least. Ok, that 5% belongs to those when I was ten - look how bad can that be! This afternoon, I found the courage to overcome my procrastination - to shoot the photos which I'll need for my visa application. *fingers crossed* Surprisingly, it went off pretty well (at least I'm happier than the previous).

I saw the machine again that claims to read fortune from your palm. I gave that a try long time ago. This very day, I decided to throw in my one-dollar coin and let it tells me my fate again.

You're full of vitality & ppl admire you for your love of life
You can overcome minor illnesses unaided
You don't allow yourself to be swayed by circumstances
You're sometimes over idealistic & you should learn to be more cautious to avoid disappointment
The disappointments in your love life have left deep marks on you
You tend to dissipate your energy & lose the concentration you need to think effectively.

12 sandwiches

A dozen.

I don't know what ran over me recently, I've done far too many trips to a supermarket than I've entered a shopping mall. Grocery shopping! Can you believe that? I wouldn't myself. It did happen anyway. I made an awful pasta salad on Sunday. Ok, everyone else was complimenting on it! Except my lil sister who have tasted my "better" version said otherwise. Same thoughts as me. Maybe I do have high expectation of things I'm doing.

Right after gym & class, I headed down to Cold Storage (like always). I grabbed a packet of aparagus, sandwich cheese, mayo tuna, chips, lovely haribo cola gummies & a pack of tomato juice (my fav eversince I had it on-flight). I still had a bread loaf, cherry tomatoes and smoked ham at home.

Back home near 10pm, I was still so energetic (probably cos of the exercise). Then I decided to get my hands moving or a better excuse that I need not wake up too early tomorrow. Yes - make sandwiches. My mum was helping around. I boiled the eggs (2), soaked the ham (3) in boiling water, cut the cheese (4), used up the whole loaf of bread (12), replaced tomatoes with cherry version (countless) since mum have used them up, spread the tuna - thats about it really!! I've done a miscalculation, ended up with more ham & cheese than those pathetic few tuna.

I was preparing breakfast for five (for all). My mum and sister ate two away, so ten for the morning. All ready by 12am, by then its bed time for me.

Actually...

I don't mind doing these alone:
Shopping;
Movie;
Gym;
Classes/Courses;
Travelling;
Working;
Dining;
Drinking;
Reading;
Watching TV/DVD/VCD;
Roaming;
Swimming;
Cooking;
Staying home.Though sometimes having a companion is still better...

Wow me

I watched The Eye 2 alone. It wasn't that scary (I can't remember watching the first episode, but who cares!). I like to get frightened by horror shows but it often doesn't work this way because of the uncooperative audience. They laughed too much that it astoundingly chased away my creepy feeling. The show was okay, revolving about pregnancy. Its not any horror flicks like The Ring which you wanted to make you jump from the chair. I guess I call it a more emotional horror film which greatly reflect the woman's weaker side.

My company has given everyone an extra day off on following Monday - that means a super long weekend. They should have announced it earlier, now I'm counting my plans. Difficult to do any last minute travelling since I'll have my usual pilates on weekend. Out of a sudden, the thought of travelling solo struck me. April is a fully occupied month - now I lost track of my task list. I need to get my notebook re-borned, new homepage up, friends' birthdays, film festival, friend's farewell, extend passport (including taking ugly passport photos!), california fitness, pilates... ermmm now I reckon I better save the days to accomplish more.

I came across a shop selling huge backpacks. At the sight, my yearning to travel returned, I had a sudden urge to buy one, pack and go! That's just not me. Or maybe I should try that when the time is nearer. I've communicated with my sg friend in london, people going to london for the same purpose, somehow it has given me more courage and confidence to embark on that journey. Bless me!

Super act lian

When we named an ah beng or maybe ah seng, it usually refers to an uneducated man/boy with ill manners. And when we used ah lian and sometimes ah hua, it is refering to the female species.

On the train to work, I met my eyes with this "super act lian" - meaning acting like an ah lian, but unfortunately not very successful. It was packed at the peak morning hour and she stood right in front of me. Her bum was just an inch away and many times I could have just "accidentally" touched her if I wanted. But, nah, I'm not a sucker for women's bum - hers wasn't that great anyway. She bumped into me once and nearly a couple of times, I wanted to tell her," If you can't stand still, hold on to something!" So I finally deliberately touched her with my haversack since she just got her stupid ass glued an inch away in my direction even when many has alighted and leaving lot of empty space. She then told her friend claiming I've kicked her, oh well... she should see how I kick the football to define the word "kick". She gave me a glare, so I returned her one twice the duration. She didn't dare to look at me again... chao ah liao I'm better left unprovoked sometimes!

*yawn* Up at 1am

I watched Fight Club on Sunday TV. It made me laughed. Its a ridiculous film, I don't understand why is Brat Pitt in it - to act as an imaginary man!? He always get weird roles, don't you think... ;)

Volleyball wasn't that great, except I got to see a few hunks flaring their assets and skills in court. The rain has ruined the game, it was still fun hanging around with these bunch of "nutties"... I'll miss them so much when I leave. I'm getting "rough" with these guys, now I don't think they reckon I'm that quiet "china doll".

Pilates is still keeping my attention there, I'm beginning to look forward for every lesson. Somehow my instructor is giving me more attention - must be I'm a lousy new student. Err... better work it out the right way before I get all the pain and aching in future :)

Q & A on a friday

THE THIRD EYE :
If you could have the third eye on your body, where would you put it on?

My anwser: your back
It takes you a long time and big effort before falling in love with someone. But, once you are in love, you will love him/her with all your heart, sincerely and forever.

WHAT KIND OF CHAIR DO YOU PREFER? :
Your selection of the chair can tell you the type of person you are.

My anwser: Cushioned
You want your partner (girlfriend/boyfriend) to be a little bit more relaxed, calm and composed.

WHY DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?
1 9 5 0
What is your first thought when you saw the above number?

My anwser: Year
You think he/she is very smart one....you love his/her brain.

THE CAVE YOU WANT TO VISIT....
You decided to go for a cave tour. What kind of caves do you want to visit?

My anwser: Cave with a same space of entrance and exit.
You keep balance between the money you can earn and the money you spend.

WHEN WILL YOU GET MARRIED?
There is a cake with plenty of room to put many more candles on it. How many more candles do you want to put on the cake?

My anwser: Two
You want to be married a little sooner than the other.However,you want your marriage to be agreed and pleased by the others.

TEST NO. 6
A NEW PLANT....
Noticing a new plant pop up from the ground, what is your first thought?

My anwser: Be careful.Don't step on it.
You feel grateful to your parents for bringing you up and making you a nice person.

The Cricket Player III

There he was again, in the same train as me today.

At that instant moment, I recognised him. The last I mentioned I bumped into him was last October. I noticed his mole again, but he has it removed. I could see the cavity. Ouch! Doesn't that hurt!! I'm not 100% sure that was him without that distinctive mole, yet we felt like we knew each other (even he had not seen me thru' those emails).

*yawn, today is such a sleepy friday...*