Hamburg... hamburger... hamburg

Yeaa...

After what seemed like a day long of traveling, the plane finally landed its 'ass' on the runway. I'm in Germany, a new place I have never been to, Hamburg. The plane from Heathrow departed really late and it was really bad. How can so many planes be delayed?? How can they just take off from one runaway!! They must be making lot of money from a single runway (at one termainal) packed with countless number of flights.

Hamburg airport was at least more impressive!

Flo and I had a small tour of Hamburg city, to me, it is less exciting than Berlin and almost like Frankfurt. At the same time, it reminds me of Amsterdam somehow - the river cruise and buildings. Oh but we must have missed a lot, because it's not a weekend. No extra busy night-life, no morning wet market, and of course there should be a nice harbour view from this city which resides by the sea. However... however, I'm too exhausted to enjoy, oh well, we did have an ice-cream - nice in warm spring! We went to the famous red-lights district (Reeperbahn), Amsterdam is still more advanced ;)

Okay, another 3 hours drive back home... arghhh.

In two days

Freaky! I'm beginning to get my anticipation back. I feel a bit eager, a bit scared, a bit reluctant to go, but all these are good. It is the way I've been expecting myself to be reacting. In a way, I'm glad to let go of everything I have back in Singapore and live my next 6 months in an absolutely new environment, or well not really new to me! But at least, I need to free myself of the usual "stay-with-family" life, "same-old-social-circle" thing and the boring routine. Somehow, all these are good but a change will be better. I'm awaiting for this change. Rabbit, here I come!

Are you an emotional creature?

I bet many of people out there are just as emotional as me, you think just as much as me. No doubt, you're as sensitive as I can be. I found a reason, one that has reflected on myself. The cause is that we are affected too much by people around us, e.g. our friends, our loved ones, even strangers. We analyze too much, feel too much, hurt too much, fear too much, think too much... To break free from our own "emotional" world, we have to leave our heavy baggage behind, dropping them bit by bit. By the time we found a reasonable weight we are able to burden ourselves with, we will not be "over-emotional". What do you think??

Good friend, good lover?

This is none of my business, but it's affecting me. I can't tell why. Is it because she's my mate or just because I think what she did is near to immoral of the normal behaviour of a girlfriend. I can't stand it anymore, yet another part of me did not want to confront her about it. My friend, as old as I am, should be responsible enough for her actions, anyway what I deem as immoral might not just be to certain individuals.

My friend happily attached to a man she claimed she wants to marry is flirting with men. Well, flirting is not wrong, as long as you are single and available (by this, I mean not married). But that was much more than flirting... She was behaving too intimate with a man. And that man coincidentally is also my friend. What can I say?? I'm not going to stop two persons who have at least "some interest" in each other. Yet I can't understand how she could do this when what she assured everyone else was she was just making this man yearned for more. Made him craved!

Isn't that cruel? I'm wondering how unfair this is to her own boyfriend, at the same time to this man. It sounds really stupid, but it is upsetting me to see a good friend acting like this. A disappointment I will not want to say more. Deep inside, I actually felt so bad, because I can't imagine having a partner behaving like this - she's not my partner, okay!

I hope one day when she finds real love, she will not be this fickle-minded. For now, I just don't want this incident to be ruining my mood further, so full-stop.

It's coming... it's coming...

Yesterday the Fab4 plus Syndy's brother went for a movie, Millions. A british film, it gives me the same sentiment, money can ruin everything - happiness, kinship, relationship, friendship, etc. It makes me hate money, hate people who used money to control others, detest people who argue over money... Yes, we all do need money, but why has it becoming too overpowering and taken over some people's lives! Besides this, it is basically a very cool film, especially the little Damien whom has a heart of gold. That british accent, somehow it reminds me I've to get used to it again!

Two more weekends, then I've to spend the upcoming ones in Europe/London. How exciting eh, yet my heart no longer yearns like before, I'm afraid to leave just as I am afraid to come back. Is there something called a pre-flight or home-returning phobia?? Then again, I used to be always excited for the planes like little kids are over the sweets. It has to do with mental preparation I guess, I have to wash away the worries and inject the little kid's innocence into my veins.

Come on... just enjoy, yeah.

Men vs Women, Marriage vs Divorce

Upon finishing the psychological book, I have a better understanding of things behind marriage. Too bad, I can't recall everything to make a good summary, but look out for this book if ever you want to resolve that negative feelings inside you in your relationship.

Like it mentioned, men have their ego and their vulnerable side they wish no one else will see. They hid them, became distant or acted out in other way. They want to be the dominating partner in a relationship, don't want to be tied down or appear dependent on the relationship. They wish to appear emotionally strong, or refrain from expressing themselves. They are the one giving themselves the pressure, we women can only try to understand, but NOT change them.

Women are oversensitive creatures, many of us know that. A woman becomes overly suspicious, dependent and clingy and allow her fear to conquer her mind. Some women are reluctant to leave a bad relationship that promises them nothing because they didn't want to face up to it. In order to experience a real love, we women have to learn to let down our guard, let go of the past traumas, recognize the way we feel and confront it (in a proper way than just venting them).

I'm not discussing the chapters on sexuality in relationship ;) Here is a very important thing I learned: We need to become comfortable retaining our independent sense of self while remaining involved in an enmeshed and merged relationship (quoted from line 01 pg. 203 of "Is it your or is it me?" by Scott Wetzler).

The last few chapters revolve about separation and divorce which I do not totally comprehend. It gives me a rough idea but I guess on my part, its impossible to visualize the pain involved.

For most situations, we require insight to allow ourselves to understand the reasons behind without putting all the blame on the other party, to recognize we are human have such emotions (good and bad). Then we need to master them, finding constructive ways to reach a mutual solution. Next, we also need to be more tolerant and learn to forgive, in this way we let go of the anger :)

Does this sound difficult?? I guess life is just a course of learning... :))

Mr Porky has a baby

For long-time readers of my blog, you should have read about a Mr Porky more than a year ago. Never mind even if you didn't have the faintest idea of who he is. That was a nickname or rather a pet name I came up with when I was seeing him. He does remind me of the cartoon character, cuddly and in certain ways adorable.

He recently got married and will be a father in few more months. Be a father, then be a husband?? Another guy I used to see had this same encounter. I'm beginning to wonder, are these men crazy to have a baby or is it an accident! That moment, I felt relieved I did not have that "extra blessing" when I was with them. Maybe it is their fate... and this is mine.

Mr Porky still retains this habit of "disturbing" me on the MSN; he likes to ask too much about my life, unwillingly to share his. Initially I was so irritated by his behavior, one which I reckon too immature for his age (being 10 years older). He never wanted to share a photo of his newly wed wife, nor to mention anything about this woman. Is he proud of this woman whom he married?? I felt ashamed on her behalf.

Today, I am never bothered by his chat window suddenly popping up in my face, within some minutes I would have hit the "close" button. I am so glad the man I'm seeing today is in many ways a better fit than him. In all truth, I don't feel anything for a man of my past, not even jealous that the bride wasn't me, somehow I feel good about the life I'm leading. So Congratulations!! Porky, I wish you well or more for the upcoming baby.

Goodbye!

Hereby sending my condolences to residents of Singapore, and family of our former Singapore President Wee Kim Wee...

You live in our memories...

This is the feeling!!!

Something I wanted for so long...

Feeling unbearable to leave home, excited to be on the roam again, and at the same time looking forward to my return. That was what I lacked the last time I left, and this time I'm relieved I feel this way. I remember feeling fed up about home, friends and Singapore, the trip was like an escape to heaven, and it caught me there. I didn't want to descend down to earth again, the horrible horrible place. Home for 4 months, I gradually developed a deeper love for this country, the people I know and love. It didn't come straight away, but after constant struggles with my inner self for some time - time where I slept a lot more, eat a lot less, think a lot more...

Who is to say the world is full of danger? My parents still believe that, unfortunately. Undoubtedly, their heart and soul are too rooted to the Singapore ground, and they have no desire to see the world - the real world. All this traveling will make us learn something, of course I don't mean the luxurious stays in hotel, expensive spas and big concerts. I mean that independence spirit that first get you going, and the cultural experience, I'm already hooked!

I'm dreaded thinking of the day I'll be sitting in the plane. Ahh, it will be the 6th airline I've conquered so far :))

Disappointment & Anger

I have read another further 3 chapters. It's about coping with anger and disappointment which we very often experience in relationships. Our partner or even us might be part of the cause, but then the start of either of this is due to our own expectation. We want it from them, we expect a reaction from them, we assume they will be what we have in mind. Then again, we are wrong. We should work within their limitation, we should focus on the benefits we gained being together and not count the flaws. So right!

*I hope I'm not infringing the copyright... hehe. I'm just translating them in my own words and personal view, so some of you out there might find this useful**