My rebellious mom

My mum is one rebellious old woman.

I often wonder if it is just my mum. But I have realised it is a common trait of many senior citizens. They are very stubborn and always refuse to try something new. They always think in the same way like other old people do, LOL, this I came to know after talking to my friend about our mums and I couldn't believe they could say the exact same thing at a similar scenario!

This beloved rebellious mum of mine just turned 64 last weekend. We decided to have a staycation for her birthday celebration, it was in time for the SG50 Golden Jubilee celebrations as well and which was why we got the rooms at promotional rates. Our last staycation was for a new year countdown quite a while back. Here's my review for the stay, however pardon the grammer as I wrote it in a bit of a rush without editing.  (p.s. Tripadvisor should allow us to edit!)


About 3 weeks ago, the mum got hospitalized for excessive post menopause bleeding. It freaked the whole family out. 2 years ago, she was also admitted due to abscess. But due to the fact that she has high blood pressure and diabetes, her condition always make things even more complicated. Fortunately she was allowed to be discharged the following day and the attentive nurses at KKH did help make her stay more bearable. She also made a new friend at the hospital who was also admitted for the same problem, but she was a tourist (and has went home back to Sabah).

A cell biopsy was performed and mum was made to undergo a few other scans earlier this week before the doctor can tell us what the diagnosis is. She has been suspected of 2 types of cancer, and although this rebellious old woman of mine has always self-diagnosed herself and told us umpteen times about "cancer" but refusing to seek treatment, suddenly it dawned on us... This time, it is real. There wasn't any shock from us when the doctor said it. But we are worried, especially for her emotional state.

For days after she heard "cancer" from the doctor, she had been in a daze. Somehow the staycation came at the right time, it was refreshing to be able to get out of the house and spend time together as a family. We also took her out to meals instead of letting her stay in the room and surprisingly after the stay, she became slightly more positive.

For the last couple of weeks, we also tried to change her diet - to have healthier meals. But it is easier said than done, being her stubborn and rebellious self, she wanted to eat her favourite things. She insisted she couldn't have meals without rice, she hated oats. But we managed to convince her time to time. I hope that she will become a less rebellious mum and more positive person as we overcome this ordeal together. Please let her rebellious streak put up an unruly war with her illness!

加油妈妈！我们并肩作战！

Lost in the forest

Procrastination is a sin, yet I always have a valid reason for it. Popped 3 pills the last days, my blocked nose doesn't seem to be getting better. I am getting lost and seemingly finding my way back again. For a moment, I lost that focus, I wandered and wondered. I am still wondering. I read a fair bit the last weeks... it has always been inspiring. I also wrote a lot more than I did in the last year. For another moment, I am scared. Scared of things that will come eventually in life, death... not of myself though. For another moment, I miss some people I lost. Some good, some bad... that doesn't seem to matter anymore. Life's not always rosy, isn't it? I'm slowly uncluttering my life, sorting things out very systematically... hopefully most will be sorted this week. And more hopefully I want to recover for a swim and a self-deserved hi-tea... and be energetic enough to go for interviews and get back to a routine for a while.

A weakened beast

I can't believe it... I'm falling sick again. Got caught in the rain and feeling rubbish since, I tried popping a pill and doing Vitamin C but somehow I felt the cold coming, slowly and surely. Now at 530am, I'm awake with a headache... The rain seems to have stopped after continously raining for hours. Come on, give me the strength... give me my mojo back!

Picking up

A pat on my back. I finally finished writing the stories of my Japan trip. I hope my memory pillow works and I didn't forget any eventful incident. One more travel story to write, then my checklist will be all checked.

Time to get down to running a few other errands I have been putting off. It's about time to get myself a new mobile number, I have a love-hate relationship with that. I'm done being tied to M1, their service has been deteriorating as time goes by. I don't mind a new number but I hate the hassles that come with it. Change, how I like you and dislike you at the same time.

I have been looking on and off for work for a few weeks, in between detered from it by a bout of illness. It is about time to start looking seriously at it again. Like how I always look at it, it is about timing and luck too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed things will happen shortly!

Sprang up

That which does not kill us makes us stronger - Friedrich Nietzsch


And yes, that's surely the case. After bouts of illness and downtime, it is time to bounce back up again. I have expected this, I am glad no matter how many times I have fallen, I always know I will be okay. Faith. A wonderful creation in life.

I have also read a few pyschological books on emotions and one named "Learning from the Heart" by Daniel Gottlieb. It is more than inspiring. It made me feel I was normal when anxiety hit me, when my body was reacting to a shock and I wasn't ready to feel anything. I suddenly understood.

It has been a while I can truly feel I am glowing from within. I always know I'm self-reliant. Happiness, happy food, retail therapy. I don't need anyone else to provide those. I just needed time to get back to my original state.


And yes, I need to finish off my pending Japan journal and re-join the rat race again, how fun! I am looking forward to a new start, hopefully some form of consistency in life and then my best friend's wedding in London!

Life does hurt and I wish it's only today...

Today is such an eventful day, and one that very seldom but did today, made me question about life. Is it all written in the stars? Is it all decided up there when we will meet or get married and have kids or even die?

I am recently very much inspired by the optimism book I was reading. But I couldn't help today feeling that everything went wrong. From the morning I started, my interview last minute got cancelled and postponed, the same with my appointment and then mum got a call to go down to the hospital. My mood was definitely dampened. I had to attend a talk in the evening, everything else made me feel like skipping it, but I didn't. I guess I needed the walk out of the house.

Mum came home and broke us the news (that everyone has been trying to hide) that the doctor said Marisa is surviving on life support. Her brain is dead. None of us wants to believe in that. We are hoping for a miracle. Marisa might not be close to us, but we all watched her grew up. She's only 16??? Why are you taking her away when her life hasn't started? Is it destined? Tell me it's not! I really do not know what is the meaning of life? Why are most of us working like slaves trying to survive and dying without really enjoying it? Or got sick and then burdened with debts, and then surviving to pay it off?

Marisa, you made me realise life is so fragile. She also made me realised the importance of having adequate medical insurance in Singapore. With so many recent incidents I witnessed, it is not hard to see how falling sick can ruin a family or make one severely in debt. I feel so sorry for her family. I am not a mother, I can't understand the pain of the loss of one's child. But seeing it happening around me, it still feels like a knife slitting on my skin. Painful.

Ganbatte, Marisa

Mummy dearest was there at the hospital, giving moral support to Marisa whose is still having an operation  (a biopsy). I am not sure how old my cousin is. Maybe 16 or 18? I have too many cousins, some nearly 12 years older and others 12 years younger.

It reminded me of the time mum was in the operating theatre. Now I hear mum talking all over again about her story. She just loves to relate her hospital stay to us over and over again. Even though that was only a minor operation, our hearts were heavy and we were pacing up and down. Mum's health hasn't been the greatest, so we were worried having the operation would weaken her further. Now 4 months later, she's healthier than before. She has even put back the weight she lost. Even though old age has caught up with her but I think we all now cherish the time with her even more.

Marisa was admitted over a month ago due to a high fever. She has been in a coma since and now they are doing a biopsy. We aren't updated about her condition as her distraught mother insisted we do not ask anything about it. Whatever it is, I'm sure they are going through a rough time and I hope any of you whom chanced upon this, please say a little prayer for her.

Hell hole

My flu miraculously recovers when I am back home. At the office, I was pulling a tissue every few minutes. Indeed, it is a sign.

If there's an industry that can turn people into insatiable monsters, I would say its the banking/finance industry. Have you heard of it? I spoke to people who were in it and made lots of money but they weren't happy. One of them whom I know gave up everything and now teaches diving. He has nothing, not a lot of money but he's happy. Isn't that more important!

I began to see the faces people put up, the type of tricks they pull in the office, they all put me off. I am terrified of the person I become the longer I stay...

I don't wanna say goodbye...

The night was cold and the day is freezing.

As I read one of my friends' blog, my heart sank. She was told to bring her daughter home to say goodbye, little Charmaine has been fighting neuroblastoma for approximately 3 years (corrected). All these time, she remained high spirited and chirpy, which probably kept the monster at bay. But the doctors have seemed to do whatever was possible, she had been to China and New York for clinical trials, her mum has fought to get drugs available here. It is sad to know this day still has to come.

I am sure she knows she has been a strong warrior, I am sure she feels the love her family and strangers has showered her, I am sure she has never given up hope on growing up...

If you happen to read this, say a little prayer for her. No matter how small, I hope the little girl has more time in this world.

In a state of confusion

I seem to be attracted to anything or everything that is of a great discount. A trip to Malacca, a Phuket getaway, a Macau package, a half priced hair cut, slimming package, Carl's Jr... obviously, anything you name it, I am tempted (at the very least, slightly). I think I am in a state of confusion where I cannot think right or sensibly. After a day of headache, I think my judgement has fallen below my normalcy. I cannot take my wallet out, or the consequences will be severe. I also can't stop looking at nail polish colors, but at least I have reduced my purchases in the recent weeks to perhaps a bottle a week. I hope I see nothing I really like soon!

I even ate the dosage of my medicine wrongly... Blah.

A hot toddy please!

My throat is killing me softly. I guess I'm off to get some rest! So much I wanted to write but probably another day, why is life so busy?

老了，病多。

After an afternoon of shopping with my Japanese friend whose in town and a quiet NYE countdown spent in bed, now I'm falling sick. This Japanese girl is a friend of my best friend and somehow we get along great, so everytime she's in town, we would go for lunch. We spent the time eating, shopping and having coffee and the usual girls' talk. It was raining heavily that afternoon, we weren't caught in the rain but somehow I have to fall sick :( As we get older, why do we get more vulnerable :(

As I'm writing, my bad headache which has persisted the whole afternoon seems to be diminishing. Panadol Extra does help. My bodyache is also better after my sister gave my back a little "punching". It all started on New Year day and I was supposed to take a tourist out for dinner (Dan's friend), seems like I get to be a tour guide pretty often in Singapore these days. But it didn't work out as she arrived so late and I wasn't feeling well by then. My chest felt stuffy, the throat became dry and the nose was hyper-sensitive. I fed myself with lots of Vitamin C pills, then Eno, then my sister got me some herbal tea, all these did not seem to help until I popped the Panadol Extra.

Well I say, better sick now than later when I have to travel... Praying hard that it won't come back so soon!

Great, what a start for the new year! Brrrrrrrrrrr.... I'm so not looking forward, I don't feel like taking MC. I don't even have the strength to iron my clothes, let's hope I find something to wear for the week!

Not again!

Fever and headache were lurking around yesterday, I managed to win the hide-and-seek with them. I also took the po chai pills just to make sure the stomach won't run again.

It was alright till this morning, something seemed funny again. I ignored it, thinking the stomach upset was playing games with me again. I still managed to stay out for 11 hours before coming back home and doing 4 toilet runs in 4 hours... Damned! The worst has came true, it has returned :(

Took 6 fishing pills after 1st run, and another dose of po chai pills after the 3rd... It doesn't seem to work anymore, I hope it will give it a rest and let me sleep :( ARGH.

My head is about to burst

It all started from waking up at 6am, having cold feet and an stomachache... yesterday. At first I thought it was the interview giving me cold feet, but I felt unwell. Even after the episode, I came home and still felt something was wrong.

After 1 panadol extra, 6 fishing pills and 4 panamol... the upset stomach, fever and episodic headache are finally gone, hopefully for good! It's the one day I swallowed damn lots of pills on my own accord! Sometimes when I was really sick, I often wondered if I would wake up the next day... Life is so fragile, and so often not worth to think so much about.

Ich bin krank :(

I feel like there's a pebble in my nostrils. I feel like there's a spider crawling at the end of my tongue. I feel my heavy eyelids. I feel my body numbed from the stale air in the air-conditioned room. I can sense my throat is dry, and no matter how much water I drank, it just couldn't moisturize it. I feel like my right nostril can blow a bubble, like those you make from bubble gum. I feel I have to push my breath harder to get my oxygen in and carbon dioxide out. I feel my toes wringing. I feel restless. I feel like if I close my eyes, I can go into deep sleep almost immediately. I feel like my mind is like an entangled ball of ropes, there is almost no way to unknot. I feel like I haven't slept for ages. I feel sick. And perhaps what's what I'm doing, falling sick.

Hooha Saturday

After all the hooha, I'm finally back home and having a good rest after spending about 8 hours in the hospital and observation ward. Spare me from any of these again, please!

Sis fell so sick today we had to call an ambulance... it freaked everyone out. Mum was out but she immediately "flew" back after we rang her about the news. It's the 1st time ever in my life to ring for an ambulance... we didn't dial 995 as it's usually for emergency, we dialed another and got a private one instead. Freaking $85++ for the one-way service which would have costed us like $5 on cab... But sometimes you don't have a choice in such situation!

I sat in the ambulance... often I used to wonder how people would feel in there, and now I have felt it 1st hand. Anyway the ambulance service was quite slow (felt it was bit dillydallying), if it was a heart attack, the person might have already died. Said to arrive in 15 mins but turned out to be longer... I suddenly realised the important of CPR and I know I should go learn it one day.

Sad news (again)

One of my cousins is sick, very sick. He has been diagnosed with meningitis last week and is in critical condition. I remember him as the "big kor kor" whom would always joke and play around with us. Since he's some years older than us, we slowly drifted apart when he got older and married. His dad (my uncle) just passed away last year due to throat cancer, and I certainly hope he'll be able to recover and ward off the bad luck lurking around his family.

加油"Jelly" 哥哥！！请你千万不要放弃！

I really hope everyone whom read this will spend a minute or even a second to pray for him.


Edited @ 10:49pm.
I just read the news that DBS CEO Richard Stanley has passed away on Saturday from acute myelogenous leukaemia. He's only 48 this year, and left behind 3 children and wife. Saddening...

Creative zen is ill

I suspect my Creative Zen is sick :(((((((( The display colors turned funny, fuzzy, bright and kinda grainy. Fortunately it's still under the warranty, so I shall bring it to the hospital. I'm having VERY BAD LUCK with gadgets these years, I don't think I can buy my DS lite just yet... SAD.

No appetite is a sin

Burp.

I just finished a tiny slice of Oreo Cheesecake. That's a good sign, because it means that my appetite has returned but it is a bad habit to be eating this late!! I know it, but let me have my little indulgence please.

After all this whole diarrhea episode thing over the weekend, it is a relief to be able to enjoy food for their taste and of course its richness. That "stomach flu" alike virus has been going around, and unfortunately he caught my dad on his birthday. "How lucky!" Not only did he not get to blow candles on his birthday cake (that Oreo Cheesecake), he infected the rest of us (well, if he did carry an infectious virus). Sisters fell sick. I thought it was that Magnum ice-cream they both ate, so I did an experiment as well. I ate one of it! Indeed, later in the evening, I felt unwell. The following day, I was having a stomach upset. There goes my attendance for the Malay wedding which I had been looking forward to!!! :((( A sumptuous feast missed! :(((

So was it dad who caught an viral infection from somewhere? Or was it the Magnum ice-cream?? I can't be sure. Or was it even the contaminated water we found out on Sunday that smelt funny?!! Too many suspicious possibilities.

Anyhow, I think I'm well on the mend!

p.s: My colleagues noticed I looked sick today, which I didn't even think anyone could tell. Thank you boys for the concern :)

So much for the year of Rat, here comes Mr. Ox

My sister was reluctant to have her Mickey mouse decorations from last year removed... Gosh, they had been there for a year. I took them down and told her she can "recycle" them 12 years later! ;)

The year of Rat wasn't smooth-sailing for Rooster (me)... Even the last days, I was bugged with viruses. Flu, sore throat, fever and more... I finally gave up on the Saturday before Chinese New Year's eve and went to the doctor. I really dread being ill when I have to go house-visiting. So... fortunately I managed to welcome Mr. Ox with a speedy recovery. I wasn't fully recovered, but at least I wasn't having a temperature anymore, my throat was no longer swollen and painful to swallow!

This year it is very special that Chinese New Year actually falls over Monday and Tuesday, so there was lots of time for preparation over the long weekend. Unfortunately, I was bedridden half the time and didn't do as much as I could.

The first day was as usual, we parked ourselves at Grandma's house and everyone gradually turned up. It was a long day, sitting there doing the usual stuff (smiling, greeting the elderly, eating, watching TV). It was boring but at least it was the only time ALL OF US would turn up, 90% of my cousins were there (yes, I have lots of them!!). One of them whom is my age got married last year, and this year she's actually giving us Ang Pao.. which is kinda funny since she's as old as us or even younger than some of the bachelorettes.

The second day, we had a few families (neighbours, aunts, uncles, cousins) over. Poor mum had to get up super early to prepare the meals for all of them. Feeling exceptionally eager to help, I helped her with some of her food preparation and learnt a new dish - Pig's organ soup. The cleaning is quite disgusting, and I was shocked at how dirty the intestines were. Eeeew. Now that I learnt it, I don't even know if I want to cook that in future. I didn't have the soup at the end (probably after what I saw!). I tried chopping the chicken with a chopper too, but didn't do a very good job! :P

Speaking of the year of Ox, it reminds me my dad is almost 60. Dreadful.

On the third day, some people have gone back to work. I wanted to visit the temple (in the new chinese year of Ox) but mum told me that it was a holiday for God that day. So I went to a friend (a couple)'s place with Syn and was wii-ing and mahjong-ing till I almost missed my dinner time. Dinner was steamboat at home, the same thing over and over during the festive season. We had it on the first day too.

Finally on Thursday I headed to the temple, its surrounding was congested with lots of people. God has came back from his/her holiday and everyone was already asking favours from him/her. I can imagine him/her having a hard time. Normally I would draw a lot but I didn't yesterday... I only went to talk to him/her. I also found my favourite mini oranges on the way back... those small oranges are really sweet. YUM.

Here's some pictures to share - on the temple trip.

Crowds gathering around to buy BIG SWEEP tickets from a handicapped guy near the "big balloon Fortune God statue".

Superstitious people would go for a face-reading, palm-reading or have their date of birth analysed for the year of Ox.