Redeemed

Just a few days before November ended, I went for the first facial in my life. It was a birthday treat at Spa Rael at an unbelievable promotional rate, thanks to NTUC Income. They appointed a PRC staff to attend to me and apparently she's the only chinese they claimed to employ, the rest being Malaysians. I have no particular preference, in fact, I thought she was good and very attentive to me so I was quite satisfied. I was also trying hard to perfect my Mandarin by making conversations with her. After the treatment, there was a post analysis chat where they tried to sell you a package; even though the staff told me she wouldn't be pushy but it sounded otherwise. Anyway, it is easy to refuse when you're jobless but you have to be firm on it! Don't make a mistake like I did with a hair salon - shall describe the horror stories in another post!

It was also end of November, I gave my dear feet a pampering foot mask. Sister gifted me this mask from Nature Republic. It worked wonders. I soaked them in the liquid in the pack for about an hour or so. You wouldn't see any effect immediately. But give it a week, you will notice the soles start peeling. It's like skin renewing... or a snake changing its skin! I got impatient and started to peel them myself! LOL. After a week, I reclaimed a pair of smooth clean feet minus the dead skin. It would be great to do this every quarter of the year.

I couldn't remember when I resumed swimming. It must be the time Joy came back to Singapore, almost 2.5 years back. No matter how hard I tried, swimming didn't help me lose weight. But it gave me a more toned physique. I also started to swim again after Joy left a year back... alone at the public pool. Slowly, I picked up the stamina. Then I found a buddy for a while, but now gone back to being alone at the public pool again. I also ventured to the lap pool whenever I felt courageous enough. At times, I would also go up to the sun deck after a swim to have a lay and read for a bit. I can't deduce whether it's swimming or both with the diet, now I have lost a couple of kilos (back to my ideal weight 5 years ago!) and also more tanned from those swimming. More importantly, I am very happy to be able to wear some of my favourite clothes again!

Just two weeks back, I went for a hair cut (my 4th one since July). I had been conned to sign a package, and thus this year I broke my own record of going to the hair salon for 4 times in 6 months. Anyway, to cut the story short for now, my hair is now shoulder length, it has been a while since it was this length. But I am ready to have it different. I also dyed them "Milk Caramelisee" color. I have started using these Beautylabo whipped hair color, this is the 3rd color I have tried and also the color best "absorbed" into my hair so far. I can really see the brown, especially under the lighting, it gets even lighter. I love the convenience of coloring your hair just like shampooing them! I wish they invent something for highlighting the hair which is just as easy!

So with a new hairstyle, hair color, new weight, new feet and also a revitalised face, I have redeemed myself. Not to mention, also credits to my friends, my mum and the little sister for all the love and encouragement... I found my renewed strength. This time, I am back stronger than before!

Terrible thirty-two

Ahhh... Another year older. Not excited.

I'm not supposed to be negative and I haven't really been for quite a while but I'm so not looking forward to having a celebration this year. I am still so lost. This crisis is not as minor as I thought. Just like I wanted to rush myself to get over those bad feelings, I wanted to do the same for this. But in actual fact, it doesn't help. It would only make me more confused. So I am taking time but at the same time I can't help feeling frustrated. To make it worse, I sent an email few days back to 'chase' someone out of my life, not really, but I didn't need another person to complicate my life further right now. I'm probably going to feel this is the worst birthday in my life... And I hope this also welcomes a fresh beginning for me.

*fingers crossed*

Sentimental

If being sentimental is a weakness, I am definitely weak. If to confess missing someone is to lose, I have also lost many times. But those judgements do not matter anymore, no one can change me. I am the only creation on this earth that allows myself to truly feel what I feel, to express what I want. Appropriate or not - this is forever subjective.

Soul talk

Trying to achieve too much today. I should learn from @Android, have a @KITKAT.
— Trixi (@potatoepoppypap) September 9, 2013

Finally, I have checked off the last two items on my "To Do" list. All of a sudden, I had a vision of things I could do and I just wanted to do them all. But I couldn't. I should be happy despite the bugging blocked nose, I still managed a productive day. Yet I wanted more. I wished I have done more.  

"Chill. I should strategize. Instead of hitting right on the nail, I should be looking for the right hammer." - My inner soul is telling me.

"I thought I have gotten rid of you - impatience. Why are you still lurking around??? Don't pester me, stop pulling my pants..." - My inner soul tries to fight off a distraction.

"Leave it for tomorrow. There's still time. I need sleep to re-energize. Let's buck up tomorrow. Beauty sleep should never be sacrificed." - My inner soul is tired.

Sprang up

That which does not kill us makes us stronger - Friedrich Nietzsch


And yes, that's surely the case. After bouts of illness and downtime, it is time to bounce back up again. I have expected this, I am glad no matter how many times I have fallen, I always know I will be okay. Faith. A wonderful creation in life.

I have also read a few pyschological books on emotions and one named "Learning from the Heart" by Daniel Gottlieb. It is more than inspiring. It made me feel I was normal when anxiety hit me, when my body was reacting to a shock and I wasn't ready to feel anything. I suddenly understood.

It has been a while I can truly feel I am glowing from within. I always know I'm self-reliant. Happiness, happy food, retail therapy. I don't need anyone else to provide those. I just needed time to get back to my original state.


And yes, I need to finish off my pending Japan journal and re-join the rat race again, how fun! I am looking forward to a new start, hopefully some form of consistency in life and then my best friend's wedding in London!

YAY older & happier

It has been more than a week since I turned another year older. My celebrations started as early as end of September. I have been going out 4 consecutive nights last week and 5 this week. As age catches up with me, my stamina is also rapidly deteriorating. Oh boy!

I usually don't count my Facebook blessings, but one friend just mentioned she did. SHUCKS! I got influenced! LOL. Of course, I'm not measuring them but it's fun to know more than 20% of my friends (in my friend list) made an effort to send a virtual greeting. Others came in the form of SMS, whatsapp or even a card.

Thank you all!

My hidden talent

It is only recently I realised I have this super power of tracking someone down using the internet. Just provide me the basic information, best with a photo, and I will be able to find out for you, like a private detective. Believe it or not? Haha. But I am not providing such service to anyone now, it is only for my personal use. It scares me sometimes how I am able to do that ;)

30s

I laughed and cried while I read through those emails. Things that I wrote 4 years ago. I have aged. Now I am able to laugh at the person I used to be, now I can see why women in 30s are more attractive to men. I think when we reached 30, we began a new perspective of life. Maybe not we, but just me? I became more rational, less impulsive, more confident and I have better control of my emotions. Some years ago, I cared about how people look at me, I cried over silly things, I lost my patience over various things and I accomodated people who were obviously in the wrong! Now, I show my dissatisfaction and of course using my rational side. I get more "Sorry" than getting screamed right back and I know that's because I am able to prove they are in the wrong. For once, I'm so thankful that I have hit the 30, and this is only the beginning.

August, you're wonderful. Thank you for waking me up!

Gimme change!

I'm a sucker for changes. When anyone around me encounters a change in their life, I am envious. Is it a disease or some kind of addiction?? I don't know.

My sister found a new job. And recently, a few people in the company left, one in less than 3 months, the other in less than 6 months. When things remain stagnant, I crave for changes. It's not that I am unhappy at my current place, but things are becoming too much of a routine, and it annoys me. Can all you people who are leading a routine life tell me how you do it??

It's time to decide... uugghhh

I have a problem.

I am a neurotic perfectionist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Well this is not scientifically proven, but again it's my anxiety at work. I hate having to make a decision, like a final one out of so many choices. Too many choices is NOT a good thing, it makes me anxious, stressed and forces the perfectionism in me to surface. Read this article. You will agree that sometimes less is more. When you have less choices, it's very easy to filter, and you would reach a decision in a much shorter time. Do you sometimes shopped for hours and ended up with nothing? I do - quite a couple of times, at a book sale, mega sale, bookstore or even for clothings. I just gave up choosing.

Consumerism gives us far too many choices... When you want to buy something, how do you decide on a brand? Hearsay, reviews or advertising? Advertising is the perfect example of marketing gimmicks. You make something look good so people buy it. Some people hate the TV because they feel advertising is bullsh*t, the TV programmes distort people's perception of things and the fairy tales idealize life. Don't you agree, they make you believe in love at first sight, or the hero always win ultimately and the bad people always have retribution? And do these happen in real life? Sometimes they do, only sometimes.

A good example is I recently booked my hotel for Chiang Mai. Initially even before I got my flight, I had in mind just 2 places I really would like to stay. One is very affordable while the other is not. I had set my mind on dividing time between the two, but realised later the hassle might not be worth it. Then when I began a search, there are over 200 choices on Agoda, and I believe even more when there are those whom do not have online presence. I then shortlisted my favourites (forgotten about my initial choices) but as time went by, the popular ones got fully booked and I just had to make a decision quick. I detest it. I hate doing something under pressure. But I booked it, one of my preferred choices but not the ideal. Then I became obsessed about my decision. "Did I make the right choice?" "What if I found somewhere even better and cheaper?" "What if the reviews aren't true?" So many unnecessary question marks in my head. I had a urge to look again even though I had already paid for my booking. I'm insane. Tell me, am I not? One should learn to let go, "Just let it go... and accept it", I remind myself. It might not be what someone else has described in their review but it will be my own experience and I can make it just as good as I would like it!

To end this off, I want to share with you a wise quote from the above site - "The freedom to make choices brings the responsibility to live with the consequences." (copyrighted to Psychology Today)
 

And now I shall wash my hands off it, force my brain to shut off and look forward to the holiday in October~

Not the same anymore

Time changes us, time changes everything...

It heals us, it wises us up, it ages us, it makes us realise...

Months ago, I felt emotionally stirred looking at his picture... Now I feel nauseous. Good or bad? I think it's a good sign. Time doesn't solve problems but it makes us look back and feel somewhat relieved. I don't know why too, perhaps they are telling us that everything that has happened are meant to.

That feeling no longer lingers inside me. It has dissolved, like a spoonful of honey circled into the mug of boiling water. It slowly warms me up as the sweetness slides down my throat.

...

I re- read some entries I wrote years ago and am amazed how different they are from what I am writing nowadays. I used to express my feelings more openly, and my affection. Today I am more guarded, more protective and probably more cautious of whatever I am posting on here (to the public). I definitely see myself growing up from all these years of blogging. Seasoned already.

...

Some things I picked up never change though:

1. Recycling every possible things
Sometimes my parents (and sisters) just don't understand why I am doing this, and they simply don't see how I have picked this up back in Germany. But now they are being influenced after my constant years of chucking them in the yellow recycling bags. I occasionally still pick things up from the bins to put them in the bags!

2. My favourite soft drink is Diet Coke
I used to dislike it but it's now my top few choices.

3. I still take pictures of anything & everything that caught my fancy
It's just me.

4. I enjoy taking risks and live an unpredictable life
It has began at age 22.

5. I have a love-hate relationship with my home country
I love it because I grew up here, I have friends and family. I hate it because it stops me from the life I want to seek because of obligations & responsibilities. I hate restrictions, rules and people whom call me selfish just because they are selfish (by inducing guilt when I want to pursue my independence).

6. I put my family first for now
After so many encounters I witnessed, family no doubt is always a very important source of support at any time of your life. You may hate someone, you might not be able to show your love for someone, you might not have the perfect family... but they will always be there for you. Every single day, I feel the love from my parents through the very little things they did for me.

7. My happiness doesn't depend on another being
Unlike the past, I always thought that someone else is needed to keep me happy. Isolation is a good time to discover how contented one can be.

8. The word "shy" is almost never used on me now
A deputy director of my previous company once casually remarked that I'm a "late-bloomer" after I was crowned the "Scrabble Champion" at the company's competition. You might wonder why? Everyone was amazed when I revealed my English was a grade C at 'O' levels, I just barely passed. But over the years, I proved my worth. I wrote. I write. I keep writing. But Scrabble is not a game of language, it's strategy as well as good memory (you've to memorize the 2 lettered combinations!). English matters but not first on priority. And I think he's right. I am a late-bloomer, I gradually found myself. If you meet me now and 10 years ago, you can tell the difference.

That's all for tonight... I'm feeling uncomfortable, still nauseous perhaps. That photo obviously doesn't make me feel good :p

M&M's ♥

My life is a tub of M&M's ♥♥♥.

Family pack.
Original Chocolate Candies.
Milk chocolate.
15% fat (no trans fats).
Eat at your own risk.
Made with real chocolate.
6 different colors in the pack.
Tiny but colorful.
Fill up a jar nicely.
Make great recipes.
Pop one into your mouth anytime.
Great bite-size snack for sinful days.

... I can fly.

It has been 8 months... since I last boarded a plane. I miss that carefreeness whenever I carry my 10kg worth of load on my back, not knowing what's next or whose next that I will meet? I am addicted to that feeling, that excitement and the element of surprise in life. Almost everyone asked me what's next after my contract ends, I could only smile at them and reply,"A holiday?" My life has no routine, I'm not saving to buy a HDB flat in Singapore or hope to own a car... My life doesn't revolve just around Singapore and I am sure it won't. My best friend loathes my lifestyle or at least I think she does... not sure whether she's envious that I didn't have to care as much as she does about material possession or perhaps she's worried that I can't seem to commit to anything in life. Well, I would love to but I haven't found this something that I'm prepared to give up everything to commit to, unfortunately. I am like a bird who has left a cage and found my wings... I would still come home, but just don't try to clip my wings :)

3 mins commercial

... seems to be longer than my attention span.

Seriously, I think I'm not a fan of monotonous life or routine. You can't ask me what I'm doing every weekend because I seriously don't know and don't have a plan (of course, unless, I'm going for some weekly course which I'm currently not). And if something doesn't constantly have something new to keep my interest there.... I know I won't be interested some weeks down the road. So sad but the truth. My attention span is only this short.

p.s: Testing my email blogging :)

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See all the ways you can stay connected to friends and family

Snap 'n' shot

My random ramblings...

One of my friends used to complain that I took pictures of every damned thing. And he is right... in a way. He's not my friend now but I'll remember that complaint. He hated it when I whipped out my camera during holidays for a photo, and fortunately he doesn't need to hold it for me anymore!

Another of my friends, however, loves looking at my pictures. He told me I took interesting pictures and I should really go sell them. It hasn't occurred to me because I snapped them just for the fun of it. So I left it at that.

I have quite a few encouraging comments about the pictures I shared on facebook, especially those during my travels. A friend today told me I took pictures of things at a very different angle, and I see things very differently. He suggested I should look at taking up a scholarship to do photography, it's quite sudden but that's a good idea! Another friend agreed when I asked her about my pictures.

Suddenly, I wondered if that thought that once crossed my mind could be an option later in life?! Studying photography?? It's weird, because I have many creative outlets to express myself and leisure photography is only one of them. I love doodling or even thinking of how I could design better shoes and bags when I couldn't find any I like. I love handicrafts and do up lots of things from recycled material back home.

It also dawned on me that, many years back, just before I left for London... a photographer in the office happened to pick me to assist the start up of the company's image library. I had to assist the editing (filtering out bad pictures) and archiving of images. The training was so tough some days I really cried... I couldn't see the difference between the 2 or 3 identical pictures he snapped (literally seconds apart)!! But today, I am grateful to him - Paul L.

Ms. Potatoe's philosophy 2009

Me thinks GIVING UP ON ONESELF is the last thing one should do... or probably something you never have to do!
Me thinks HOPE is the greatest gift of all time.
Me thinks CHANGE is often not a bad thing, it might be even a blessing in disguise!
Me thinks SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOT REALLY WORTH IT, LET IT GO.
Me thinks LOVE is wonderful when shared, and a bonus when you are on the receiving end.
Me thinks LIFE IS SHORT, SO WHACK IT WHILE U CAN.
Me thinks HUMANS are the greatest inventions because they are so complicated.
Me thinks MONEY is not the greatest wealth in life, HEALTH is.
Me thinks THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE are those whom asks for the simplest and most little out of life.

An element of risk

It always does it for me...

The other night, I went drinking with the guys (my bunch of local boys). It was very entertaining and they asked me all sorts of questions. Some questions which they categorized as "These kind of questions, how many girls can we get to ask?!", in simplicity it means embarrassing ones or the ones which they secretly wish to know but couldn't open their mouth to ask. But as I ponder about them now, it actually provokes me to think deeper... and I realised I am the kind of person who likes life with an element of risk...

I want my life a little different, I want it my way :)

Sounds familiar hor

An article about Online dating ;)

Too comfortable

I'm feeling too comfortable in my own skin... that I wonder if I have really found myself, crawled out of the cave I was hiding in. Or maybe it just wasn't the right time yet. Now no one seems to call me shy or name me quiet anymore. In fact, I talk more, ask more and well at least I bother to use my mouth! I didn't say I was an introvert anyway, it said somewhere -- "You're an extrovert, but you lack the over-aggressive tendencies of obnoxious "go-getters"!! Now, maybe I have gotten these "go-getters"...

I'm feeling too comfortable in my spectacles... that I didn't want to go back to contact lenses anymore. Especially with my new 2-tones pink glasses, I don't look too geeky, actually I like this look. And someone said I look "funky" with glasses (the old blue one), well, I hope I still remember to use that one too.

I'm feeling too comfortable with my "short" height... that I don't even bother to wear those nice-looking but painful high heels. Well, I still do on occasions, but flats flats flats rule!!! I like treating my feet better, have gotten my hands on a pedicure set to work on them. Lucky feet!

I'm feeling too comfortable being such a happy-go-lucky person... that I (intentionally) forgot to seek revenge on that idiotic indian man who knocked into me in the mrt train and snatched my seat. Even missing the shuttle bus to work after someone cut my Q didn't make me fume or boil, I didn't want to get angry and ruin my whole day because of them. Why bother, when you know it wouldn't help but make your day blue... hur.

I'm feeling too comfortable with my friend of 6 years... that we talk about every single thing. Secrets, gossips, fantasies, anything really. The fact that we have travelled together, that love and hate relationship, the time we spent chatting/web-cam together just make our friendship so fantastic. I can't imagine being closer to anyone than him (except Fab 4 and probably someone I once loved). Can you think of a best friend like this... mmm...

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It's Thursday and about time to knock off. I have finished majority of my work. Outside, it's pouring... Inside, it's still freezing (arrghh, air-con!). I feel like going shopping... (shit). I feel like taking my time to go home, taking a longer route, instead of walking in the rain, getting my shoes wet and complaining about the rainy weather. But hey, I don't think I'll complain lah, I'm just going to take my evening easy. At home, I still have unfinished business, I need to re-string that stone necklace I bought!! I can't wait to go IKEA and get myself a new quilt and snuggle under it during the cold rainy nights.
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Yesterday was a special day

But today (Monday) it is not. Yes, it is a kind of anniversary, bit meaningless now though but my damned phone calendar has reminded me again.

(Anyway this post was supposed to be on Monday but I was too engrossed with work and forgotten I have started an entry!!! So back I come.)

Monday morning, I was listening to the live (UK) radio and it came on a song about England winning the World Cup. It's kind of nice, really, pleasant to listen. I find it amusing but very likeable. Then there was a Monkey song too. I was down with the unusual Monday blues but had a lot of happy songs to keep my spirits high!

And finally, I'm all set to embark on my second beach holiday. To the lovely beaches in Thailand, even though it might be a reminder of my first trip there, I'm going to entirely brainwash myself for that 4 days and be "someone else". Who is that "someone else"?? Just another side of me I guess... I have been reading a psychological test book and realised I might be wearing 4 different masks for different social situations - family, friends, partner, at work.

In fact, it might be true, but there is one "real" me, deep inside me...

Just as I finished that sentence, there was an "earthquake" accompanied by the sound of thunder - how scary. I wonder did anyone around singapore feel it too (yes, its Tuesday now)! In SPH, we just felt it. Was there an explosion or a neighbouring earthquake... *shrugs*