Live to work, work to live?

I am warming up the engine again.

How does it feel like to go into an office as a temp and not feel the burden of a manager weighing now on you?

How does it feel to go to work as a F&B service crew, not having to sit on the desk and strain your neck at the screen for hours, but just giving free smiles and serving people with enthusiasm?

How does it feel to be able to work from home, get some income with a couple of hours of work and being able to go to a pool on a weekday?

All these, I will start to miss them.


If life can be reprogrammed, I would like everyone in the world to have equal treatment, same pay same level of education. Of course, the rest of the things can differ, families, friends and the way you grow up. But because of the differences in the world, the rich and the poor, and the average people like me, we are neither moving up or down because we can't this life unless you get really lucky. We are stuck. We live to pay bills. If you are lucky and don't have a lot of financial obligation, you probably get to work for your passion, but unfortunately life is seldom fair.

Hopeful Singaporean?

The intensive job search for the past few months has been draining and nothing short of an emotional roller coaster ride. The highs when you received calls from the jobs you applied for and then the lows when the silence that lingered thereafter slowly and softly suffocated me - so much so that, I decided to write in to MOM, not sure so much if I was asking for assistance or filling them in with my grievances. The 16 out of 18 job applications on Jobs Bank remains unviewed, some even dated back to last year! That initiative to help Singaporeans land on jobs, that promise to cut back on work permits and hiring foreigners... They all didn't seem to work. Recently, a friend shared with me the news that they are now stepping it up by offering companies a subsidy if the employee to be hired is Singaporean. Again, I try not to get my hopes too high this time.


p.s: I almost felt a little crippled when I came back to my blog and decided to write. But my mind is filled up with a zillions of things I missed documenting. That circus I decided to join last year, the few great weddings I attended, the Europe trip, that Tokyo impromptu trip... all of those, I need to get them written down. I will slowly fill them up (and backdate them nearer to when they happened).

I joined a circus

"Don't run away and join the rat race. Run away and join a circus full of people who are living their dreams."

How whimsical!

I just collected my first paycheck from the "circus".

An amount merely a small fraction of my last salary (in the rat race). Yet I felt so grateful for the money, for the learning experience in the circus and the ability to entertain those audience whom we performed for.

I never once thought I would be able to give up a fatter paycheck for a miserable pay till I decided to let go. Every single day that I went to work, I got up with a smile and excitement, creative ideas kept coming! Those dreadful 630am mornings aren't as bad as those days I had to drag my feet to the office with a frown. I am not sure how long I would be performing in this circus but I know for as long as I am there, I will be making full use of the time to enjoy and do as much as I can. It is always difficult to work with friends in many circumstances, but helping a friend whose living her dream is entirely different, and I know when I live my dream, she won't be too faraway.

I don't think everyone will be able to do this. While some think it's silly, some think it's an adventure and others look with envy... I can only say, follow your heart. Money can only take you that far.

Innovative search

Finding a new job is now more complicated than the past. There used to be just newspaper advertisements or you could walk in a store when you see them advertising or possibly through word of mouth or a job agency.

But these days, with the internet, job postings on paper significantly decreased. I wonder what companies still use them, and are they still traditional in some ways? Then there are companies who used agencies, job portals and also direct advertising on their own website or through social media platforms. Sounds like they have a big budget for recruiting talents, don't they? Then there are some whom prefer to get referrals from their employees or on their intranet or quietly post on career section of their website. So secretive...

With these advancements, it is not easy to find a job anymore using the traditional ways. Besides putting myself on LinkedIn, other social media platforms (companies even created Twitter and Facebook for recruitment these days), job portals, sending in to job agencies, looking up companies website and check for vacancies (often unreliable with not up-to-date information)... I found an link article on how to locate the hidden jobs in the market. A clever google search really. It works but unfortunately I didn't find many jobs located in Singapore.

I have this new found method but it requires more effort and initiative, go to an area where you like to work and look up those directory of the companies in that building. It's often not difficult to find them, but getting the insider information if they are hiring is more tricky. Then you might need to look up their website, find connections (people you know or via LinkedIn or go to some upcoming events) or even initiate an email to the Human Resource department or the boss (this might not work most of the time, but you never know when you might get lucky!).

I am trying everything out at the moment... Haha. So you see job search can be really tedious and boring or it can be fun.

Reboot

I feel like I'm starting all over again but that's okay as long as I'm paving the right path, the foundation needs to be laid. I caught a glimpse through the thick fog, only to realise I need to wait till it clears before I can see. Somehow, I noticed my motivation returning, slowly but surely. Thank you books, friends, family and strength... You kept me going!

There are improvements. From calls from job agencies, I am going for real interviews at companies and not fruitless ones at recruitment agencies.

Some things about a recent interview irked me. This arrogant interviewer with such aloof attitude never bothered to acknowledge my e-mail after requesting me to send something over. How unprofessional! The whole time during the interview, he didn't smile and his body language was already telling me he wasn't really interested. I guess you do really meet all kinds of people - some nice and some a** like this.

Digitally overwhelmed

Looking at the online job ads today totally drove me nuts... There are so much information out there. How I miss those days you could only look at the Recruit section in the papers! Sometimes when a job lists so many specifications, but it sometimes just boils down to one thing. Sales? Strategy? Execution? Either that or it's actually what it is as specified, "cover the mountain and cover the sea". I wish there's an easier way to find a job, also for finding a date. Why don't Google invent automatic matching search? LOL. Match us. No need for agencies. Sometimes some people just want to work for big companies, they apply the job for the sake of the company name, e.g. Google, Yahoo... So they just click "Apply" for anything. Maybe I would but now I won't, somehow I have something more focused in mind. I also have a more specific idea what kind of environment suits me better. The more I look, the more I know what I don't want. But that's not the thing, I need to know what I want exactly. Coming soon...

Picking up

A pat on my back. I finally finished writing the stories of my Japan trip. I hope my memory pillow works and I didn't forget any eventful incident. One more travel story to write, then my checklist will be all checked.

Time to get down to running a few other errands I have been putting off. It's about time to get myself a new mobile number, I have a love-hate relationship with that. I'm done being tied to M1, their service has been deteriorating as time goes by. I don't mind a new number but I hate the hassles that come with it. Change, how I like you and dislike you at the same time.

I have been looking on and off for work for a few weeks, in between detered from it by a bout of illness. It is about time to start looking seriously at it again. Like how I always look at it, it is about timing and luck too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed things will happen shortly!

A free bird, almost

Another month till work ends. I am kind of happy and sad at the same time. Probably I will be missing the busy time doing some of the things I really enjoy, and human interaction at work. But at the same time, I miss the freedom, also the smaller amount of food I need to eat and more time for a swim whenever I like. It has been nearly 5 months, pretty short but I felt like I learnt much more than the 1.5 years in the previous job. I made the right decision and I know it. And it's also sad that I don't feel I have the trust and confidence to work with the Scottish anymore.

It's already September

Time flies. We just celebrated one of my close friends' birthday. She has been back in Singapore for almost 1.5 years now and she is leaving soon. My heart aches. Another one comes and goes. It's already the norm, yet I can't help but still feel the pain. In the earlier years, I was away in UK, then she went away to USA for studies when I returned... Finally, we reunited but only for a short time. As the chinese phrase says, “不管天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有” (it's not the quantity, it's the quality)! I have also began to appreciate the real meaning of the phrase regarding many things in life! Joy, I will miss you!!

The wonder of optimism is making an impact on my life. Never say "No"! I have been using that during my job hunting recently, even for jobs I am uncertain about, jobs that can never pay enough... I didn't say "No". I went ahead for the interviews, some made me laugh, the others made me cry! The lessons learnt each time is only making me stronger and wiser :) Why be afraid, why do we reject? I enjoyed the time I went down to talk to the interviewers, it might not work out, but there was nothing I had to lose! I wish my younger sister is learning this but unfortunately she has been taking things a little to hard and it's difficult to make someone see positivity when one is so down.

I landed on that job I wanted, out of the 5 interviews I had and one more which had been flying my planes umpteen times. I was even surprised at my patience dealing with that last one. Perhaps there was no rush, no urgency, and I could more vividly see or focus on what I wanted. Nothing to cloud my mind! My heart has been beating so fast since... Am I ready this time? I have decided to let things happen, I will work hard and I shall enjoy this new journey! (Well, at least for the next 6 months ;))

Marrying a job

I feel that a job is like a boyfriend. Once you have one, you spend lots of time with it. You sleep thinking about it, it stresses you out, yet it can also provide you with a sense of security, belonging and happiness.

If so, I am out of love again. Why? Because I met the wrong guy?

A contract job sounds like a fling. A job of 10 years seems like a husband. If so, one of my friends just got divorced... It is a very scary thing if that husband happened to be your first love too. From the sound of things, she sounded like she is going to be on a rebound soon. She told me she felt like taking on a job she doesn't feel happy with while she searches for the right one. That's not the way! Having been on a few flings before, I definitely have a different perspective. While she probably felt like she has wasted so many years on that ex-husband, she wants to try a few guys before deciding now. Well, if things are that easy! Many a times, we go by first impression and gut feelings before jumping into a relationship. How often do you think he happens to be "The One"?

"You never try, you never know." My philosophy. So maybe flings suit you while you want to find the perfect husband. But I do realise maybe there is none so perfect afterall, you just need to find one that would give you that happiness, that would not forsake you in events of illness, hardship and bankruptcy. How true?

Some people ought to eat their own poop

And so... tomorrow, Hanoi, here I come! Work-free, stress-free!!!

Work has been so hectic that I have been getting headache. It has become increasingly difficult to work with people who like to shove unwanted shit in my direction. I think it has come to a point my efficiency is being taken for granted while some people like to take their own sweet time doing the easiest things and then pushed the tedious ones to others, i.e. me. I really do not mind giving a hand but when I am overwhelmed, their help comes far in between and reluctant. Is it just the culture there?  

Too laid back = Tai chi???

I almost had enough that I could throw the letter right in their face. Sometimes I feel people are always stretching my limit, they really do want to see what I am capable of, isn't it!

I believe they are picking up their own shit back right now. HA!

Hell hole

My flu miraculously recovers when I am back home. At the office, I was pulling a tissue every few minutes. Indeed, it is a sign.

If there's an industry that can turn people into insatiable monsters, I would say its the banking/finance industry. Have you heard of it? I spoke to people who were in it and made lots of money but they weren't happy. One of them whom I know gave up everything and now teaches diving. He has nothing, not a lot of money but he's happy. Isn't that more important!

I began to see the faces people put up, the type of tricks they pull in the office, they all put me off. I am terrified of the person I become the longer I stay...

Friends or foes

好一句，知人知面不知心！

Like the Chinese saying, looks are deceiving.

After 8 months, I finally saw the true colors of my ex-colleagues. How evil and hideous they actually are! I guess, afterall, being too open and too nice is not at all a good thing, especially when you talk to some amibitious malevolent people. But I also ought to thank the "two evil sisters" that I am where I am today, enjoying my business trips, a better boss (in 1000000 times better than the crap project manager!!) and a way better working culture.

I call them the "evil sisters" because they joined my ex-company at the same time through recommendation from the one whom got in first. They are ex-colleagues and came from the same company. When I had the intention to leave, I confided with one of them whom I thought was on good terms with me. But I don't think she honestly is being genuine. I also began to fall for it, as we shared jokes, shopping and gossip, and thought it was the beginning of a great friendship. I told her my plans I wanted to venture in my ex-company, but when she heard that I planned to leave, both her and the other evil twin "psycho" (persuade) me into joining their ex-company. If it was that good, why did they leave!? But of course, I didn't heed it, I didn't sense their sincerity when they tried to talk me into it.

8 months later now, I heard about one of them doing the things I had planned to do in my ex-company but I didn't get around to it because I have left. And what made matters worse is that, when I told the other evil twin (which happened to be a project manager, but not mine), she kept telling me it wouldn't work, and they weren't planning to do anything like that till much later. Now, the evil sister is taking the job I wanted to do, and she is working under the other evil twin. Both of them are in cahoots. But one of them is actually the apple of my ex-Director's eye, so what to do?  Disgusting. I hate it but I still have to thank them for freeing me from the misery. If I am still there, I might be doing it but I am sure I will not be as happy as I am.

So, go ahead, hypocritical evil sisters, PROVE IT TO ME! I wish you success not, but definitely lots of hardship and a rollercoaster ride to hell.

Are you committed?

Commitment comes from contentment. No?

By nature, humans are greedy. Do you not agree? Maybe more so nowadays with the inflation from a bus fare of 20 cents (when I was young) to currently a maximum of over 2 dollars, how can life be as simple, how can all of us survive with the same amount money your parents used to make. My dad was the sole breadwinner, he used to earn slightly over 1K, and it was enough to feed a family of 5. Now, anyone would struggle with a 3K income for the whole family. Money is important to survive, and even more if you want to afford better things in life.

But I also realised being contented is an important factor to being committed. One of my friends is earning an average pay at the age of 30 (maybe a lot lesser than most his age), yet he's not complaining. He's happy with what he has and is not looking for greener pasture. On the contrast, my other friend is leaving his job to his ex-employer because they're giving him a 40% raise. I can't blame him, can I? If you ask anyone (including me), I will go back too, even if the job isn't ideal. It's a shallow decision to base the decision on money but in Singapore, it does matter! My friend had left because the job was too much too handle but again he's turning back, this time with a better package and even more responsibilites. Anything that comes with a high price, there's bound to be a price to pay. So I guess, don't be envious and say,"Wah, so good! I also want!" I think it's better to remind yourself that,"If I'm taking that amount of money, I better be able to prove I am worth it!" I say,"Good for him. Good luck. But I'm sure he's able to make it!" It's a pity he's not working near me the next time but I'm sure it doesn't mean we won't have lunch again, we have the "lunch buddies affinity" since 2002... and somehow we bump into each other again and again.

But at the same time, you can't help but wonder how long it takes for most of us the average salaried commoners to save up and buy a place!!? Now we know why so many people are pinning hope on lottery!

3 months & counting...

Tomorrow marks the end of my probation, SG boss has told me he's happy to keep me on, so does my UK boss. I didn't let them know about the other opportunities as I don't think they will be happy to know and will raise doubts about my commitment to the job. As the time goes by, things start to reveal themselves. Though in Singapore I work independently, I sit with the IT team as I am under their headcount. I also realised how annoying a colleague can be, he's always looking for chances to take advantage of others, try to act smart or ask really silly intruding questions which I do not like to entertain. I guess it's hard to avoid people like these in any place you go to, but I guess I just have to take them with a pinch of salt! I also realised one of the guys in the UK has a "cold & hot" attitude, I am not sure if he's like that or maybe just towards me. He was one of the friendliest guy in the beginning but after a while, he doesn't act the same any more. I am not attracted to him and I hope he didn't think I am... but I am being nice to everyone, just as I am to him. Or maybe he's envious about me travelling to Aberdeen and he didn't get a chance to come to Singapore after working there for a while?! That's a likely reason. I find it very disturbing as I have to work with him quite a lot... I hope it will ease after a while, if not let's talk about my commitment after a year in the job!!

Saying NO to money

It is so difficult. As I reluctantly say NO to the new opportunities, I am reassuring myself with the many pros I get from my job. Someone even offered me a job with a salary I wouldn't be expecting. Tempting. However I don't feel I am myself if I do that.

When I finished school years ago, I had two offers, I went with the one with lesser money, a small company with almost no benefits. The job didn't last long, the company was managed by a very young boss and his jealous girlfriend and soon business folded. I really regretted my choice.

This time round, I really don't want to make a wrong decision again. I decided to let my friends vote for it and see what are their views, so I put on my status asking if I should choose more money or a job that allows me to go on trips. The answers all came in with people voting for money... I am not surprised. But the people whom understand me well enough voted for the other choice. The voting ended up equal with one friend stating to take the job that flies for a couple of years before settling for money in future, I think this is the ideal solution for now.

It will be stupid of me to trade the travelling (on Business Class - which I doubt most other places will ever give to a non-management staff), a good boss, easy-going colleagues and one that allows me work life balance for more money and an environment I can't be sure of!! I can always get more money later on, sooner or later, I reckon. For now, contentment is happiness. It's difficult to be happier with lesser money, but it's better than none anyway ;)

Hello lucky days!

Someone just talked to me in German, I managed to make it out even though it was pretty quick the way he spoke. The strange thing is he isn't even German, he heard from my boss I could speak some, and so tested it out. Woah. I was obviously more stunned than anything and didn't reply him in German. It seems like boss and him are pretty good friends!

I am one lucky woman. Yes, I'll be heading to Aberdeen shortly for work via London, so I get to see Angela in London for the first time in 5 years! I can't wait to see her new place and am thankful she's more than happy to put me up! I can't wait to spend time together, to see London all over again like a tourist. It is also my first time on Business Class (And it's SQ!!! On my return, I actually would be on the new A380!!), I feel like I'm dreaming. Someone, wake me up! Everything is going on smoothly at work... since ages.. after a couple of jobs working with "shitty" people or great people with boring jobs, finally I found it. Good stuff are worth waiting for, and this is so true.

My boss is my guardian angel. It has been over 3 weeks and everything's perfect. He doesn't rush me into picking things up, he's more than happy to answer my questions, he's always bringing up chocolates gifted to him for us, he's very accomodating and made it possible for me to see my friends during my trip to UK, he's also super sweet to his wife... and everyone in the company like him. I have heard this from more than one person, and they are from all other departments. As I'm still on probation, I am surprised I am even allowed to go for overseas training, and even have days off during the period. Whoever says Tiger year is lucky for Roosters, my luck is only starting now... But I seriously don't believe in such horoscope forecast. I think I have been through enough "shit" to come to a point I can enjoy life a little. Thankfully.

A friend told me how envious she was. I can only say, open yourself to all the chances possible and you never know what might just come :)

Hopefully this will last for a while :)

Good morning, teacher!

My first day of school was stuffed with spicy Thai food, filled with coffee, relaxing with restricted internet surfing and a good exercise for my mouth, hands and feet. I work in this cool shophouse, sitting right under the attic, tucked away in a cosy corner. To get up there I have to climb our spiral stairs. I got to meet everyone in the office to say hello and hope they remember my name than me trying to recall theirs. I met my UK team during a video conference, it was a weird experience to get introduced this way, but I will get used to a lot of video conferencing. I will even get my namecards soon, my second professional namecard afterall. Very proud of it! My boss is great, colleagues are easy-going and the environment is pleasant, can't ask for more really! So what should I wear tomorrow? :)

It's gonna be a good good day!

Tomorrow (or actually later today) is my first day of school... (just as BS would describe it). Well, it should be bedtime now but I guess I need to blog about the excitement before it's gone!

I have done tonnes of preparation, yet I still think it's not enough. I was trying out the clothes and then I realised I haven't had a pair of shoes that would go with anything and everything! I need new pants and skirts, and I didn't manage to get those recently except quite a couple of new tops. I have some from many years back (which are likely to go to donation bins), and some recently that aren't very appropriate. I dug out clothes that I kept, some for ages, and ironed enough to last me at least 2 weeks! I took out the notebook which I bought months ago, and I knew it would come in handy one day, tomorrow is that day. I also got myself a silk shirt from British India the other day after the 1st interview and promised to wear it on the first day of my new job. I bought myself a Christmas Starbucks tumbler and am very eager to have it on my desk soon!

I am very curious how things will go tomorrow. But somehow I have a good feeling that this time round this is going to be a good journey. You know the phrase "Better late than never!" and this is exactly how I feel. I gotta admit I am a late bloomer, everything better comes late for me... Like how crappy my English was, and now it is a world difference, not the best but it's a world apart. And to think that I could top the Scrabble competition at my ex-company competition, no one believed my English was really bad. The same goes for the men I have met, the horrible ones that I blindly believed were the best, and I am so glad I see things differently now. I am very certain now, which are the ones to avoid and what are the types I do want to keep by my side :)



On the side note...

Goodbye Sneakers.

Today I also donated a pair of sneakers I bought from London many years back, still in excellent condition, but I bought it on impulse and it turned out to be too tight. Running Lab at Tampines One is actually collecting them for The Salvation Army, in return they will give you a S$50 voucher for purchase of running shoes (the promotion is till end of November). I didn't want the voucher as I don't need any running shoes, but it feels good to know the shoes will be put to good use at least. So if you have any old running shoes/sneakers you want to throw, you know where to go now!

Counting down

The mood is settling in. Thankfully.

I have gotten used to the idea I need to wake up about 7ish, need to leave the house 8ish. I have thought about the clothes I need to iron, the bags I want to take, the things I want to bring and slowly fill up my desk. It sounds crazy but I am actually getting excited. I'm thinking about the wine drinking Fridays, I'm looking forward to meeting new colleagues. I'm also thankful to have friends working around the corner and already suggesting me places for lunches, YEAY, and more lunch buddies. I haven't thought about the peak hour madness in the morning, I also haven't thought about how a deskbound job will again encourage weight gain, I haven't thought about how busy I will get. But I am sure things will fall into places.

Tomorrow is the last weekday where I have my freedom! Freedom, I miss you... but till we meet again :)