Buy a friend

I'm talking to my friend at the moment and this joke came up...

S says:
 hmm.. no friends
 i have to buy some friends..
Me says:
 ya
 paypal
 lol
S says:
 hahhaa

After that, I realised it is quite funny, pay for pal = paypal. So random.

World's 'wurst' lovers?

Oliver shared this with me, I just find it hilarious though I decline to comment whether I agree with it or not. *mouth zipped*

Read about "World's worst lover".

I found my man, and he's white ;)

Should I also add that his blue eyes sparkle when he's turned on! Before you think too far off, my man is my phone. He's a white K550i (Sony Ercisson). Keypad lit up in blue when in use :) I suppose you like my above description ;) Ok, here's how it looks like.

Having searched high & low for months, done research and price surveying... it only came to me yesterday that "Yes, I think he's the one." A lot of times while I'm deciding on the phone, I chanced upon similiarities between changing phones and changing boyfriends.

He's my 4th man. K550i. The 1st is a 2nd hand (waterbottle lookalike) Nokia 6110 if I remember right. I saved and saved, and managed to get it at about S$150. It was one of the best at that time, and I was extremely pleased. Not long after, I refurnished it. The front houses a transparent orange to green gradient cover. When it rang, it totally resembled a "chow ah lian" phone in that 'era'. The whole phone lit up with running lits and was an incredibly loud toy!

It later died, like most phones, it started off with weakening battery. Even a 2nd battery didn't work. My 2nd man, Samsung Egeo, came into view. Still one of my favourites, he's a LADIES' man -- a ladies phone :) It not only remembers your menstrual cycle, it can also calculates calories burnt. Problems arised since I lost his antenna, and I never seem to get my SMS-es. His time was then up... Today he still somehow works (a good backup or holiday phone) though he's quite out of trend. No color, pixels, camera doesn't exist...

The 3rd man, Sharp GX 15, is a pretty long lasting one. He has been with me 3 years and I wouldn't have changed should he work fine. But in recent months, he has deteriorated from bad to worse and now worse to worst. A full battery doesn't even last half a day! Got him in London, and since there's no Sharp mobile locally, I reckon I should rather invest the money than spending it to import the battery from Japan :(

So this is how my 4th man came about...

So you see, I wouldn't change my phone/man until something serious or threatening has occured. My best mate recently lost her mobile and guess what? She bought exactly the same model back. I deduce how sentimental she is and probably the new beau she is looking for is very so often somehow identical to the previous one. Another guy friend changes his mobile every so often. However, him being a man, I guess it's not applicable to take women as phones. Guys should be more IT savvy and knowledgeable about new gadgets, isn't it!

There are those holding on to the same phone for years. Perhaps they are reluctant to accept changes, or could be one of the contented people around... or are they just loyal? Another mate of mine upgrades her mobile plan to get a new phone but happily uses the old one concurrently. While they can be devoted lover, they might still be keeping their options open?? New one are welcome ;) For those whose phone is one of the latest and dying for the next trendy one, STOP BEING GREEDY!

Enough of my analysis - changing phones vs dating men...

My purchase @ iPosh was such a pleasant experience. A tiny cosy shop with ultra-personal service. It turned out they sold the last white K550i before I arrived (I did email to ask!!). I didn't fancy the black, so to make a customer happy, the boss (I think he is) had to pick one up from another location. Reasonable price, excellent service (with no air), I definitely recommend it! Update: BTW, please read about my complaint about iPosh thereafter, I'm very unhappy with their no exchange policy, when they sold me a faulty equipment/phone.

Understand women?

If only you can understand German, this would be a laugh :D

Die Sprache der Frauen -- written by a man
Ja = Nein
Nein = Ja
Vielleicht = Nein
Es tut mir leid = Das wird Dir leid tun
Wir brauchen = Ich will
Entscheide Du = Die richtige Entscheidung müßte offensichtlich sein
Mach wie Du willst = Dafür wirst Du noch zahlen
Wir müssen reden = Ich muß mich über etwas beschweren
Natürlich, mach es wenn Du willst = Ich möchte nicht, daß du es machst
Ich bin nicht sauer = Natürlich bin ich sauer, Du Arschloch!

Basket, why is esplanade so easy to imitate?

Esplanade/Durians founded within IKEA. It's meant to be funny, though the pictures do not really show it!

Dear Boss, I hope you wouldn't read

You know it's time to leave your job when...

• a simple task seems like a chore
• going to the restroom is more enjoyable than sitting in front of the PC
• punctuality applies to knocking off than starting the day
• playing Sudoku is less a torture than using Excel
• using Words makes you even more like editing your resume/CV
• you say "yes" to everything not knowing what they are babbling about
• the hole-puncher becomes your best friend and a source to release stress
• you dress according to your mood, and recently it's been all black (exceptions - Fridays)
  
• you rather wear the painful heels so they make you walk slower to work
• food is on your mind all the time (what to eat for lunch, what to eat for dinner, what to eat tomorrow, should I get Royce chocolate - if so, which one?)
• you stay up late on Sunday night, wishing Monday will never arrive
• you have zits and it's all because of work (good excuse, right)
• sitting among a bunch of bores do not bother you anymore

I'll keep adding when I think of more ;)

Shoe-wrecking, and how to survive it!

I am a shoe-wrecker...

Shoe-wrecking can be nerve-wracking. Seriously.

This is the... nth time my shoes broke/tore/split/whatever. Okay, it happened again yesterday, arrghh. I have so much countless experience that I decided it is time I should share some tips on how to save your day, in fact your face too. Or even your poor feet.

Shoe-wrecking situations & solutions (my experience and your possibility):

1. Someone stepped on the back of your heels, just as coincidentally it happily falls into the "gap" between the mrt ground and train.
Demand payment, at least $10 more than the cost of your shoes or if you're not embarrassed by the passer-by since you're already embarrassed enough, ask for twice the amount!! Alternatively, ask the culprit to get you a pair of shoes from the nearest shop (bit unreliable) or inform train staff to retrieve shoe if still intact.
((EDITED 20/12/06)) Forgot to talk about the real solution thereafter. I guess you have to go barefooted and then take a cab home (can't imagine walking on the road or taking a bus?). Or get someone to bring/buy you shoes.
I'd chose the first choice, since it once happened and fortunately that poor guy was too guilty and insisted on paying me.

2. Shoes disintegrated after you left home and walked about 1km.
Get help, ring anyone at home to bring you another pair. Or if it's still in walking condition (before it reaches the final stage), make your way home in the quickest but most gentle manner.
My old running shoes had this problem, the sole came off, soon you see all the bits falling apart, like powder!

3. Shoes split open or tore when you're out (at work or in public).
This scenario is the worst, but it greatly depends on how bad the condition of your shoe(s) is in. It always help to have a pair of slipper in the office (now you know why!!). Here we talk about a few different level of damage/wreckage:

• Covered shoe's mouth/body split open.
  Try stapling, if you're in the office. If you're out and nowhere near stationary, look for "sticky" options in your bag. Like price tag, stamp (the sticker sort) or even Handsaplast (I tried this and was praying no one was looking at my "plastered" shoes). Next, with this temporaily help, find the nearest shoe shop, get a cheap substitute, or if you want a better lasting pair, shop carefully.
  
  
• Flats/sandals similar to flip-flop with its center strap/support snapped.
  I'm afraid you have to do floor-dragging till you find a nearest shoe store or hopefully someone is kind enough to bring you a pair.
  
  
• Heel(s) broke.
  Try breaking the other pair, and make do with flats for the time being. Next, find the nearest shoe shop, get a cheap substitute, or if you want a better lasting pair, shop carefully.
  
  
• Heels with strap(s) that snapped.
  Happened to me yesterday. I was almost frantic when I couldn't find any Handsaplast in my wallet. Don't worry, I found a new alternative. Hair rubber band! Girls with short hair, no harm carrying some. I managed to secure the base of the heels to my feet with my hair band and walked all the way across the road to the mall to get a new pair. Imagine having to drag one feet across the road?? Jesus.
  
  

Any other situations you have encountered? For guys/men, I guess you can do with barefooted - still look manly when you do that! That is all I can think for now. All the above can happen with different shoes under different circumstances, but I hope it proves helpful to you :)))

2 songs: For whom I loved & whom I detest

Here's a song that constantly rings in my head... sang by a chinese singer, its called "How could you let me be upset" (translated by me of course). The lyrics just appeared from nowhere whenever I felt upset and I found myself humming along to this song. And it also perfectly describes the scenario...

你怎麼捨得我難過 - 黃品源

對你的思念是一天又一天
孤單的我還是沒有改變
美麗的夢何時才能出現
親愛的你好想再見你一面

秋天的風一陣陣的吹過
想起了去年的這個時候
你的心到底在想些甚麼
為甚麼留下這個結局讓我承受

最愛你的人是我　你怎麼捨得我難過
在我最需要你的時候　沒有說一句話就走
最愛你的人是我　你怎麼捨得我難過
對你付出了這麼多　你卻沒有感動過


Here's another song that I've modified from the above song to describe my feelings to someone I really detest at work!!! It's called "Why do you make my life so hard to go by". Does it sound any good to you??


你使我日子很難過 - 我

對着你工作痛苦的每一天
可怜的我還是沒有选择
快乐时光何時才会出現
无奈的我好想给你个耳光

每天对着你真的好难过
想起昨日在车上的時候
你的嘴到底何时能闭上
為甚麼给我留下這噩梦的回忆

最憎恨的人是你　我怎麼捨得你快乐
在我最厌倦你的時候　我会让你更加痛苦
最憎恨的人是你　我怎麼捨得你快乐
對你臭骂了這麼多　你卻沒有清醒過

"Gan lan qiu"

We call Rugby "gan lan qiu" in chinese. My mum named it herself "Ka na kui" in hokkien, and maybe she's right. It does sound similiar when you try to translate. My mum has a funny theory behind, the rugby ball looks like a preserved fruit, that we called "Ka na". Olives, in case you're still searching your head for an answer.

I was watching the Rugby World Cup final 1700 on Saturday and my mum joined in. Australia vs England. Excellent match, though my colleague called it men-groping-men game, I had to dismiss the thought about them being homosexual. No offence I hope, to all rugby players & fans. ;) And oh yeah, Jonny Wilkinson was the hero... woo... horray for England!!

My mum, I call her a bizarre character now. Her little ideas crack me up. Here's an example. Look at this guardian pharmacy logo, she called it "Kar kui kui" in hokkien. Whenever she told me she was shopping at "Kar kui kui", I was like "what the hell is that!!" Later I saw she named it after the logo. "Kar kui kui" by the way, means "legs open wide" in english!!

Lelong Lelong

I copy this from my friendster bulletin, for smart people, like me. He he he.
p.s: "lelong lelong" in hokkien is "cheap sale, cheap sale".

HOW TO BE an award winning salesman

A young Indian guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?"

"Of course," the young man said.

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One"

The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"

The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up, you might as well go fishing."