Goodbye 2003

Writing this, I can't visualise if I will still spend the next christmas in Singapore. Today, so unlike the past years I have spent my new year eve, it is going to be something quiet. Yet with my closest friends whom have been there with me for my past 5 years, we are doing it the "potluck" style at one of my mate's bf apartment.

I am not going to name out the "thank you" to all of you, everyone ought to receive a hug for coming into my life. Good or bad. I've survived them. I live in the hope of 2004 is, will, must and have to lead me to my dream. I want to live in Britain, yes. For people whom do not have an idea of my intention, I am going not because of anyone, not because I dislike Singapore, not because I am unhappy here.

If you like me to name out the reasons, I can gladly list out quite a number:
1. Be independent, physically and emotionally.
22 years, my parents and sisters are there for me, every phase of my life is surrounded with friends and people whom liked me in a way. Not sure if I should say I want to learn things the hard way! But I do want to leave these good things behind (at least for a while) to truely explore my capabilities and my true self.
2. No burden
By next year, my dad has reached retirement age. With that, he should be able to fund himself and my family. I'm leaving my current job, I have ended whatever relationship I have had with a male species.
3. Travelling
Unbelievably, I only travelled out of Singapore at age of 21. To date, 3 trips so far, I discovered my love for travelling!! By living in Britain, I should be able to go around Europe with so much more ease.

I guess those are enough to push me going, not too sure if they are to you.

Last day of 2003, something surprising happened. On my train journey, I bumped into my teacher who taught me 9 years ago. He was my P.E.(Physical Education that is) teacher. Mr Ow. I still remember his full name, too impolite to write it here. Anyway the important thing is that he could actually recall my name. How many students have he taught over his years of teaching!! His son was only 4 then. I didn't know why but I always had a chance to chat with him before the lesson started. Today, I met him and his son (now 13), oh my god, I can't deny I have grown 9 years older!! Do I still look the same as I was at 13!! He sat opposite me in the busy train, we briefly talked. He wished me well (for my future) before he alighted, and I knew I will not disappoint anyone ;)

I've been trying to make my family understand I'm going away for my own good. Difficult. Headache. Heartache. They brought me up, they expected me to stay there till I am married off. I'm not abandoning them, I will be back and a better person I believe. The only thing they told me is "Don't come back, if you leave." Even my sister said to me in a sarcastic way, "You can go, if you leave your money here." My lil sister, however, has taken it not as hard as them, perhaps she has been influenced too much by me! Good thing though! She joked with me about how I will be surviving over there. This is the kind of support I need.

I am not giving up, I have to gain their trust and support!

Lastly, on the last day of a very difficult year, I want to wish all of you a

Happy New Year
May it be more prosperous
May it be more smooth-sailing
May it bring you happiness in life!!!

With love,
I'm signing off 2003.

Today, with the other part of the world

With condolence, we bid farewell to the famous Hong Kong singer-actress, Anita Mui. She has left all of us early this morning after months being subjected to physical torment by a monster. The monster - cancer. At the age of 40, it is a loss for all of us known to her popularity.

I'm not an Anita Mui fan. I've heard of her, watched her movies, saw her sang on tv. She has been professional and loved by many others. It is so cruel to take her away suddenly. She is just like one of us, a normal being.

If life is so short, if all of us are only meant to live 40 years, would life now make a difference to all of you?? I think we shall live our dreams, and be happy. It's all too short to worry...

London eye, I'm eyeing

It came to me last night... that I have to go. Go somewhere faraway. Go somewhere to live a new life. Go somewhere to be independent.

I began to miss a lot of things and a lot of people. It is a big decision I'm going to make, and somehow it feels right! No matter how much I couldn't let go of my past, it will not stop me from leaving. No one will. I wish that someone will ask me to stay, someone will tell me how important I have been in their life. To know that I was being appreciated and treasured will be more valuable than anything I can buy.

And it will be some months before I'm stepping into another world. I hold the hopes with fear, trembling thoughts of surviving out there without my closer friends, without my family. It will certainly be a tough course, but I've chosen it.

Laugh at me!

It's laughable you created a wish list and you end up buying the stuffs for yourself. Or at least now I am doing it. Mmmm, or maybe it is supposed to work this way!!!

I've gotten another book, Man & wife, one which I had been searching high and low in the libraries. They are forever reserved by seemingly thousands of people whom didn't want to buy the book. Oh Tony Parson, you better be thankful I am not one of those now ;)

*Jingle~ bells*

I want a mushy christmas eve!!!

Joy, thank you for bringing us to the christmas house party. I haven't been to one yet! Surprisingly I'm being invited to two this year. For all good things, one is enough. I haven't had so much fun for a bit, it really made me laughed so hard last night. Food was awesome, goshh... mashed potato, stewed beef, turkey, soya chicken, ham, fried prawn rice, mee siam, did they already make you hungry!!! More to come... Sago, brownie and ice-cream for dessert!! Games were entertaining, now I bet I can remember names & faces better, ah, I already do :)

Gift exchange. Or well its a lucky number pick system! GUESS WHAT I GOT!!! It could have been my intuition I chose the number 10. I got a potato cup & saucer, look almost like real potato skin. I was thrilled, ah well, its just potato.

Now I'm eagerly waiting for end of the month when I'll have another belated exchange among the fabulous 4.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!

Ya know, after watching LOTR, I've a kind of feeling I want to name my future son Sam, or well at least something similiar ;)

LOTR fabulous 4

The Lord of The Rings - The Return of The King

My ratings: * * * *
My fav hobbit: Sam
My fav warrior: Aragon
My fav scene: Ghost warriors came on the battle
My inspiration: Don't abandon love -- Arwen
My aspiration: Write my life novel -- Frodo
My thought on the show: Brilliant, but I didn't wish to see Frodo leaving

In 2001, The Fellowship of The Ring; in 2002, The Twin Towers; finally now, The Return of The King.

To be frank, I didn't repeat the previous episodes in recent months. Thanks to my good memory that I am able to continue off the story when the show started!! It didn't ring much in details, however I remember the first as truely intriguing. It left you hanging in suspense and yearning for more. The second was very nicely packaged with comical scenes amid of all the fighting. Don't you agree, all I can recall was battles!!! Elephants, trees, etc... And the final episode, the truth shall be revealed, the good triumphs over the evil as usual.

The Return of The King is so much more of everything else. Friendship, love, kinship, greediness, loyalty, betrayal... I can't say I don't love it!!! The 4 hobbits reminded me of our very own Fabulous 4, a term John named me & my good 3 friends. Four absolutely charming characters with vast differences in personalities. And for Legolas' fans, take a bucket to drool at the few but nicely portrayed shots of him. Well, I'm going to admit I'm an Aragon fan!

Randomness VII

I'm not going to be a lesbian, no way...

Seems like everything between me and a man is always going wrong. Are you forcing me to turn homosexual!!?? I'm counting how many disappointments I had in the past and it is still increasing. Men, suddenly, has became insignificant at this point in my life. Even a guy friend couldn't keep his promise for a scheduled dinner, what is the world turning into with all these men lacking time management skills?? The only reason for them is work. If work is entirely the reason to live for, life is a labour. Great, I'm giving up, it does seem like I hit it off much better with women anyway. Ha ha.

I had another free movie last night. Lord of The Rings - The Return of The King. Oh my, I haven't had the time to tell you right now about it, things I like about. Soon, soon, I promise. It does seem like this year is a great year for films. I've gone to the International film festival and french film festival. Darn, I missed the german's because it was only like a few days thing that arrived late on notice. Besides paying for all the films, I did get quite a number of free ones. To name those I can recall:

Italian job; Secretary; Wishing Stairs; Down with Love; Love Actually; The Butterfly; Lord of The Rings - The Return of the King.

Lucky, am I not?

And yes, I'm now in the mood for books. My hands are itching to buy some good reads, ah, been a long time! I hate the library because the popular titles are forever on loan. Just got one on my wish list actually, The Between Boyfriends Book! I'm going to hunt for more till the end of the month ;)

Stay away, i mean forever

Have you ever feel like shutting away from some people in your life? Probably they were your enemies or the people you once so loved?? And you couldn't stop loving except restraining from feeling that way???

I witnessed my parents, one shouting at the other. I never once did see them hugging or holding hands. I wonder if they are shy in front of us and others, or simply find it impossible to express their love. More importantly, do they love each other?

Sometimes I find myself having the same problem, is that hereditary?? I'm fine really, writing and expressing myself on paper. But when it comes to saying it, I can't do it. Maybe deep inside me, there is this fear. I want someone to love me as much as I do before I finally open the door to the world of eloquent passion. It will be dramatic.

Certain people have been revolving around my life, they are very important people whom caused great changes in me; to the extent, sometimes I am pondering about my real self. However, it has became increasingly difficult to handle my emotions, my words are ruled by them and it will hurt. Hurt you, I mean. For some reasons, I couldn't express love anymore with nice words but the opposite. I want these people to stay away from me, forever.

它回来了

In a split second, I started to scribble in chinese again.

6 years since I really practised the subject, with a few rare occasions of my random essay writing over the period. Lying on the bed last night, it all suddenly came to me that I was able to vividly describe those encounters close to my heart in chinese words again. In the train this morning, I began to put them on paper, it has however became difficult. I felt crippled with the language. It has been in my head all along, yet for that moment it turned foreign. I was struggling with some characters which has slipped off my mind totally.

For once, I try to recall how long I have lost contact with it. I haven't done any serious novel reading for long time. I miss it. I was once so proud of my chinese essay writing skills which had received my teachers' compliments. Now its coming back to me. I shall hold my pen again ;)

p.s: 它回来了 means "its coming back" in chinese.

Merci

Thank you BS for reminding me all over again about AMELIE, I'll put the dvd to good keeping. Heh, even though its fake, kekeke...