As I am preparing to burn away those letters I wrote him... I got curious and began to re-read them. I feel like giving myself a knock on the head, or a sudden urge to tear them into pieces. I read a lot of optimism I had about the relationship, wonder why so often I did not see the reasons behind the things that went wrong... Did I not get the hint??? Or was I just too blind to see!!
It all started with this phrase "Die Kartoffel wartet auf den Hasen" and the happy story began... but the sad story shall end with this "Wo ist die Liebe, wo ist die Erinnerungen"... Keine Liebe, keine Erinnerungen!
27.1.06
26.1.06
10 Simple Reasons
To make myself feel better today, I'm writing 10 stupid but reasonable reasons of our differences... Things that I like and he doesn't!! At least it does make me feel that one day someone else will appreciate what I like =)
1. I like bright pink, but he doesn't
2. I like seafood especially squids, and he doesn't
3. I like simple breakfast, he likes a buffet breakfast that is full of cheese and meat
4. I like horror films, he doesn't and denies being scared
5. I like to take risks in life, he doesn't (probably only risky sports)
6. I prefer flavoured tea, he likes black tea
7. I like to shower after a long day out, he likes to do that before going out (actually I do both when I'm in SG)
8. I like to express my emotions, he doesn't (like all other men)
9. I like how a pretzel is, he removes the salt
10. I like aggressive men, he isn't
1. I like bright pink, but he doesn't
2. I like seafood especially squids, and he doesn't
3. I like simple breakfast, he likes a buffet breakfast that is full of cheese and meat
4. I like horror films, he doesn't and denies being scared
5. I like to take risks in life, he doesn't (probably only risky sports)
6. I prefer flavoured tea, he likes black tea
7. I like to shower after a long day out, he likes to do that before going out (actually I do both when I'm in SG)
8. I like to express my emotions, he doesn't (like all other men)
9. I like how a pretzel is, he removes the salt
10. I like aggressive men, he isn't
25.1.06
Little netherlands - Eindhoven
Only been there a couple of hours... in the citycentre. It really reminds me of Cologne, the shopping districts I meant. Eindhoven has a funky airport, small but pretty. I didn't feel it has a lot to offer but perhaps its just like every small town with their own characteristic and flavour. But Netherlands really gives one a good feeling, relaxed country to be in!
24.1.06
Soak in it - Barcelona has it all***
Coming next, Barcelona was superb...
Name it, it has it all. Culture, yummy food, Gaudi architecture, the right atmosphere, lovely beach, affordable shopping, good weather, efficient transport... So far, I haven't got a complaint. Even map-reading for me is easy, remember girls are supposed to be bad at map-reading! It might be the "squares" plan of the city, it makes things a lot easier, street names a lot simpler.
Oh, perhaps one thing... nothing is almost free in Barcelona. It is a "clever" money-making city, it makes money out of anything. A few visits to the Gaudi building can certainly burn a hole in your pocket, probably a free and fantastic option is Park Guell. We were/I was in the Park Guell, Sagrada Familia, La Pedrera (Casa Mila), Barcelona FC Museum, walked down Las Ramblas... watched the Magic Fountain of Montjuic, been to the Port Vell and across to Maremagnum shopping mall, happened to visit church Santa Maria del Mar when there was an ongoing service. We also walked about a lot of places, to the former Olympic Stadium (but didn't get to go in), near Picasso Museum, along Placa de Catalunya to Passeig de Gràcia and up Avenue diagonal... I love the shopping street in Passeig de Gràcia, even though I didn't get anything there. El born is my favourite area, where the Picasso Museum is situated, or the gothic area as well. It is mostly lined up with stylish restaurants and pubs.
I was at Icària beach (they have a total of 4 beaches), wasn't a long stay due to the short daylight. However they have some pretty shells, calm sea and some pretty sight. I bet in summer it will be a blast!
For accomodation, I should say we had the finest picks. The hostel I booked was fabulous, its location and atmosphere and the really cheap prices made it all worth. It was just 3 nights we stayed at Backpacker BCN before we moved to my next selected choice, Hostal Central. It was almost like a hotel with free towels, sink in the room and a neat double bed. The room looks very sweet, the hostal has friendly service, it is really a bargain for its quality and location.
Day trip 1: Figueres -- Dali Museum
A short train away, Dali Museum certainly is worth the hour of travelling. I read even though it does not contain Dali's best works, but they featured most of the works he had created when he first started off or made him popular. It is situated in this town, Figueres, where Dali used to be for a while, it certainly has its own character and we were at a mid-day market.
Day trip 2: Montserrat
Montserrat is slightly more difficult to get to, with the train timing at every half or an hour. We didn't realise the Cable car to the mountain wasn't working (what a luck, just began the maintenance work the day we embarked). So we had to wait for an hour for the next train to get to the next station where we can take a train up to Montserrat. Up there you can visit the Monastery or its museum, go for an audio-visual show, take two different funicular rides up or down the mountain, do a bit of trekking and walking in the nature which is very relaxing but tense if you're rushing for time. It has short visiting hours in Winter, I think it has more than a day's worth of visit if you are really into "a spiritual place" and nature.
To sum it up, even a heart-broken person like me can enjoy Barcelona, it really says something about it... doesn't it!!
Name it, it has it all. Culture, yummy food, Gaudi architecture, the right atmosphere, lovely beach, affordable shopping, good weather, efficient transport... So far, I haven't got a complaint. Even map-reading for me is easy, remember girls are supposed to be bad at map-reading! It might be the "squares" plan of the city, it makes things a lot easier, street names a lot simpler.
Oh, perhaps one thing... nothing is almost free in Barcelona. It is a "clever" money-making city, it makes money out of anything. A few visits to the Gaudi building can certainly burn a hole in your pocket, probably a free and fantastic option is Park Guell. We were/I was in the Park Guell, Sagrada Familia, La Pedrera (Casa Mila), Barcelona FC Museum, walked down Las Ramblas... watched the Magic Fountain of Montjuic, been to the Port Vell and across to Maremagnum shopping mall, happened to visit church Santa Maria del Mar when there was an ongoing service. We also walked about a lot of places, to the former Olympic Stadium (but didn't get to go in), near Picasso Museum, along Placa de Catalunya to Passeig de Gràcia and up Avenue diagonal... I love the shopping street in Passeig de Gràcia, even though I didn't get anything there. El born is my favourite area, where the Picasso Museum is situated, or the gothic area as well. It is mostly lined up with stylish restaurants and pubs.
I was at Icària beach (they have a total of 4 beaches), wasn't a long stay due to the short daylight. However they have some pretty shells, calm sea and some pretty sight. I bet in summer it will be a blast!
For accomodation, I should say we had the finest picks. The hostel I booked was fabulous, its location and atmosphere and the really cheap prices made it all worth. It was just 3 nights we stayed at Backpacker BCN before we moved to my next selected choice, Hostal Central. It was almost like a hotel with free towels, sink in the room and a neat double bed. The room looks very sweet, the hostal has friendly service, it is really a bargain for its quality and location.
Day trip 1: Figueres -- Dali Museum
A short train away, Dali Museum certainly is worth the hour of travelling. I read even though it does not contain Dali's best works, but they featured most of the works he had created when he first started off or made him popular. It is situated in this town, Figueres, where Dali used to be for a while, it certainly has its own character and we were at a mid-day market.
Day trip 2: Montserrat
Montserrat is slightly more difficult to get to, with the train timing at every half or an hour. We didn't realise the Cable car to the mountain wasn't working (what a luck, just began the maintenance work the day we embarked). So we had to wait for an hour for the next train to get to the next station where we can take a train up to Montserrat. Up there you can visit the Monastery or its museum, go for an audio-visual show, take two different funicular rides up or down the mountain, do a bit of trekking and walking in the nature which is very relaxing but tense if you're rushing for time. It has short visiting hours in Winter, I think it has more than a day's worth of visit if you are really into "a spiritual place" and nature.
To sum it up, even a heart-broken person like me can enjoy Barcelona, it really says something about it... doesn't it!!
23.1.06
Zuuuuurich
Despite being infamous for bringing me bad memories... I am still going to talk about this place, Zurich.
There is nothing spectacular about this city. A lot like London because of its comsopolitanism, something good about getting around is most of them speak or understand English. Well, German is still the main language there but doesn't give you a problem if you do not speak the language.
The museums aren't the most interesting things about in the city, but the Zurich Pass does make a lot worth. The boat trip around Lake Zurich is cool, I recommend that. A trip up to Uetliberg gives a fantastic view, you can even sit and watch the alps - which you probably only see on a "The Alps" Calendar. There is the chocolate factory that produces Lindt chocolate, for those whom are obsessed by Charlie & the Chocolate Factory! Sadly, there is no visit allowed in the chocolate-making factory, all you can do is to shop at its Lindt's chocolate warehouse.
Food is incredibly expensive, shopping is extensive but only for the rich, weather is extremely cold, city is safe and people are quite helpful... Visit it because it's famous but not to expect something extraordinary or romantic.
There is nothing spectacular about this city. A lot like London because of its comsopolitanism, something good about getting around is most of them speak or understand English. Well, German is still the main language there but doesn't give you a problem if you do not speak the language.
The museums aren't the most interesting things about in the city, but the Zurich Pass does make a lot worth. The boat trip around Lake Zurich is cool, I recommend that. A trip up to Uetliberg gives a fantastic view, you can even sit and watch the alps - which you probably only see on a "The Alps" Calendar. There is the chocolate factory that produces Lindt chocolate, for those whom are obsessed by Charlie & the Chocolate Factory! Sadly, there is no visit allowed in the chocolate-making factory, all you can do is to shop at its Lindt's chocolate warehouse.
Food is incredibly expensive, shopping is extensive but only for the rich, weather is extremely cold, city is safe and people are quite helpful... Visit it because it's famous but not to expect something extraordinary or romantic.
When I look out of the window, I see sunshine...
Not just sunlight, but sunshine... the light that is giving me hope!
It has been over a week... the mental torture is yet to be over. However, I am feeling exceptionally better than I thought I would be which is a good thing. A lot of random thoughts have been screening through my head...
Like the Bonsai he has bought, I feel like the dying plant. Dealing with a living thing which is best survived in warm temperature with lot of sunlight, can be such a challenge in the very cold Germany (ah, in winter). Within two weeks we had the Bonsai, it has dried up, its leaves curled to a crisp as though it will fall just the moment your finger comes in touch with it. I tried to read up forum looking how to save the poor little thing, it always give me hope that it will soon regain to its healthy and blooming state. But for a month, it did not improve... We continue to water it wishing a miracle will happen, but it never does... and probably never ever will...
Like it, I am withering... Unlike it, I never knew I would never be saved again... Looking at its leaves, my heart is also deteriorating... curling and drying up.
I always thought ending up with a man who couldn't speak the fluent native English will never pose a big problem... I thought love language speaks louder than a real language... I thought a man whom didn't like Durians and Frog-leg porridge would be more open to other things than just food... I thought he would be more interested in my culture than I would in his... I thought understanding my Singlish has already meant accepting me... I thought doing things together show that how much fun we could have together... I thought his friends do not have to be Mine as well... He thought my friends should be his as well... He always think I am thinking like how he has assumed... I always thought that he could understand me better...
There are too much assumption and ideal, but unfortunately reality doesn't work the way you always see it to be.
It has been over a week... the mental torture is yet to be over. However, I am feeling exceptionally better than I thought I would be which is a good thing. A lot of random thoughts have been screening through my head...
Like the Bonsai he has bought, I feel like the dying plant. Dealing with a living thing which is best survived in warm temperature with lot of sunlight, can be such a challenge in the very cold Germany (ah, in winter). Within two weeks we had the Bonsai, it has dried up, its leaves curled to a crisp as though it will fall just the moment your finger comes in touch with it. I tried to read up forum looking how to save the poor little thing, it always give me hope that it will soon regain to its healthy and blooming state. But for a month, it did not improve... We continue to water it wishing a miracle will happen, but it never does... and probably never ever will...
Like it, I am withering... Unlike it, I never knew I would never be saved again... Looking at its leaves, my heart is also deteriorating... curling and drying up.
I always thought ending up with a man who couldn't speak the fluent native English will never pose a big problem... I thought love language speaks louder than a real language... I thought a man whom didn't like Durians and Frog-leg porridge would be more open to other things than just food... I thought he would be more interested in my culture than I would in his... I thought understanding my Singlish has already meant accepting me... I thought doing things together show that how much fun we could have together... I thought his friends do not have to be Mine as well... He thought my friends should be his as well... He always think I am thinking like how he has assumed... I always thought that he could understand me better...
There are too much assumption and ideal, but unfortunately reality doesn't work the way you always see it to be.
20.1.06
I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills m
It is unlikely of me to express my grief over something here, especially about my relationship. But now if you're reading this, you're probably "luckier" than most people who are not my blog readers. For a start, you should be able to guess... I trust you to be "sensitive enough"...
Yes, I am once single again. It is not if I haven't been for a long time before I got into this relationship. How would I describe this emotional turmoil I am undergoing - two words --> Intense pain. It felt like I've gotten a terminal disease, and it was utterly hopeless. I don't wish to explain further, but if you would have understood the situation when it happened... probably you could imagine being in my shoes.
In the first 3 days, I have been through what most women would do - yes, cry it out. I have been fortunate enough to have supportive friends even though they weren't physically there with me. In a week, I have come to terms with it. There always have been a lot of doubts about where I was heading, how things would be... It did kind of lift off those loads now, I feel that both of us are much relieved.
About leaving the man I still love, it still takes a few more times of heart shattering. It is impossible to forget those time we have had, to erase the fantasy we once built, to take away mixture of hurt and love. I only wish that God has made this arrangement in the fairness of both our happiness and I believe that He has.
I believe that you're a God-send whom has helped me through the most difficult time in my life, I'm grateful and shall always bear in mind that no other being has been as close to me as you have. There have been lot of times I felt I could have done more but I didn't, I am still holding back. I still do not understand why I was doing that, perhaps things were meant to go this way no matter how hard we have tried. The future has a separate plan for both of us and I do wish the best things will happen. No matter how faraway we are going to be from each other, I will never be able to find a replacement in my heart for the person whom you are and whom I love. Many warm hugging love from ME.
Yes, I am once single again. It is not if I haven't been for a long time before I got into this relationship. How would I describe this emotional turmoil I am undergoing - two words --> Intense pain. It felt like I've gotten a terminal disease, and it was utterly hopeless. I don't wish to explain further, but if you would have understood the situation when it happened... probably you could imagine being in my shoes.
In the first 3 days, I have been through what most women would do - yes, cry it out. I have been fortunate enough to have supportive friends even though they weren't physically there with me. In a week, I have come to terms with it. There always have been a lot of doubts about where I was heading, how things would be... It did kind of lift off those loads now, I feel that both of us are much relieved.
About leaving the man I still love, it still takes a few more times of heart shattering. It is impossible to forget those time we have had, to erase the fantasy we once built, to take away mixture of hurt and love. I only wish that God has made this arrangement in the fairness of both our happiness and I believe that He has.
To the man I love:
I believe that you're a God-send whom has helped me through the most difficult time in my life, I'm grateful and shall always bear in mind that no other being has been as close to me as you have. There have been lot of times I felt I could have done more but I didn't, I am still holding back. I still do not understand why I was doing that, perhaps things were meant to go this way no matter how hard we have tried. The future has a separate plan for both of us and I do wish the best things will happen. No matter how faraway we are going to be from each other, I will never be able to find a replacement in my heart for the person whom you are and whom I love. Many warm hugging love from ME.
9.1.06
TIME
TIME is really a Test for such an Impatient person like ME.
There are a lot of time in my life that I wish I could be more patient. Sometimes time really does heal a wound, to make you realize a better "you", test your ability to overcome "shit", show you how much someone means to you or vice versa... But like a lot of people whom enjoy "short-cuts" in life, I am one of those. "Short-cuts" save you time and effort, but is it the right way to reach a goal or get you something?? I don't know. I think patience is a gem, a very valuable trait in a person's personality. How can I achieve that?? That patience I once had... long ago... is still missing.
In many recent incidents, I know God is testing my patience (Note: I don't always use God for everything, ok). I hope I see what he is trying to make me see, and I know it myself a lot of times, which is why I really wish I have more patience. But I am always losing them.
I hope TIME will prove me right that it is worth all that effort and "restraint".
There are a lot of time in my life that I wish I could be more patient. Sometimes time really does heal a wound, to make you realize a better "you", test your ability to overcome "shit", show you how much someone means to you or vice versa... But like a lot of people whom enjoy "short-cuts" in life, I am one of those. "Short-cuts" save you time and effort, but is it the right way to reach a goal or get you something?? I don't know. I think patience is a gem, a very valuable trait in a person's personality. How can I achieve that?? That patience I once had... long ago... is still missing.
In many recent incidents, I know God is testing my patience (Note: I don't always use God for everything, ok). I hope I see what he is trying to make me see, and I know it myself a lot of times, which is why I really wish I have more patience. But I am always losing them.
I hope TIME will prove me right that it is worth all that effort and "restraint".
7.1.06
Know your German brands
Did you know that .... originated from Germany??? Oh, really???
Not long ago, I came across a book compiling all the famous German brands. To my surprise, there are quite a few that I didn't realize they are German. Okay, here is a list of the ones I can remember, have a tick on your "mental" checklist ;)
German Brands I know of:
1. Nivea
2. Mercedes-Benz
3. VW
4. Bosch
5. BrAun
6. Adidas
7. Milka
8. Haribo
9. Becks
10. DHL
11. Lufthansa
German Brands I just realized:
1. Triumph
2. Audi
3. Uhu
4. Maggi
5. Siemens
6. AGFA
7. Leica
Not long ago, I came across a book compiling all the famous German brands. To my surprise, there are quite a few that I didn't realize they are German. Okay, here is a list of the ones I can remember, have a tick on your "mental" checklist ;)
German Brands I know of:
1. Nivea
2. Mercedes-Benz
3. VW
4. Bosch
5. BrAun
6. Adidas
7. Milka
8. Haribo
9. Becks
10. DHL
11. Lufthansa
German Brands I just realized:
1. Triumph
2. Audi
3. Uhu
4. Maggi
5. Siemens
6. AGFA
7. Leica
2.1.06
Bye bye 2005
HAPPY 2006 EVERYONE!!!
Oh man... another year is gone. And very soon my Working Holiday Visa is expiring... I can't believe it, I still remember vividly the months I was spending in London, adapting to a whole new environment and enjoying the freedom and heading the route to self-discovery. One and a half year has since become a history, and with this I can also count the months I've been with Flo (mein Schatz). And not long ago, Angela has decided to join me in the holiday making experience - I guess she has a bit more time than me to still enjoy the sights!
Everybody like to do a bit of re-capping at the end of the year of what they have accomplished, for me I can't put them into words. I can only say for the last 2 years, there has been a lot of learning experience for me. Things happened, progressed, changed... in my family back home, in my relationship, in my friendship, in my working experience in London, my travels in europe and also with my own self. I should say I am still very glad I am in one piece, and at the moment am happy with my life and very much looking forward to the new year. Yes, 2006!
My horror or fear of returning back home has since disappeared. Instead, I feel eager to see my friends back home again, to find a super GREAT job and earn more money for future holidays. Somehow I have a lot of "ideas" of what to do when I get home, but nothing seems to be in the right picture yet. I am also wondering how has Angela changed since her experience in London - I believe it is going to shape her up;) or it already did!?
As to the last few days before the end of 2005, I have done some new stuffs. I tried Ebay, bought the Lomo Fisheye Camera I had been yearning for. Ebay is cool, I think I will try a bit more shopping on there! Me and Flo got this PC-DVD game and we have now completed it in 3 days - good partnership. It is called Black Mirror (only in German.. Schade!), it is like an adventurous mystery where you go speak to important people and solve the puzzles! I give it 4.5 stars out of 5 for its amazing graphics and animation!! Fantastic characters and buildings, witty plot. TOTALLY RECOMMENDED!! Lady luck has also been on my side a little, I was booking my hostel for the coming holiday... just a few minutes before I booked the "only double room", someone else just hit his/her booking button! Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn... I was cursing, swearing... actually I was more upset than angry... and I tried for hours hoping something will happen. And it really did, some hours later, as I refreshed the page, the room became available again. That someone could have cancelled it. I couldn't believe my luck... so I grabbed my opportunity this time:D
As for my achievements last year, I am proud to say I have attended a German Language Course - at the very least I can speak and understand some now!! Oh I should give myself a pat for the solo travelling I did some months ago to Ireland and York/Scotland. --> it does feel a little weird mentioning 2005 as last year now!
Let's welcome this new year with open arms!! Even though we are again getting one year older, I hope this year brings us bigger surprises!
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