An experiment

So after a long time, I decided to master the courage to go to a party to mingle again. In the past, it was usually small house parties, usually friends of friend. And that was much easier. Also when you are from a same community like couchsurfing or dragonboating, it was not too difficult to just start a conversation with another member or teammate. But to arrive at a huge party alone, not knowing anyone... I have never done this. The recent years, I'd rather be spending my time being in my comfort zone... of course except times I ventured on solo trips. To a lot of my friends, they think so highly of me. They are thinking that I must be so sociable, brave and independent. And little did they know, I'm not borned like this! I have always been challenging myself, pushing myself out of my comfort zone because I know without them my life is just like any others. I don't aspire to be famous or rich but I want my life to be fulfilling and that I can only achieve by myself and not wait on God or the others.

So last night, I did this behavioural experiment. This party was said to have at least 600 attendees. I arrived alone, less nervous than I thought. I chatted up some unfriendly ladies but that didn't spoil my night. I knew there are bound to be people like them who only wanted to talk to the opposite sex. So I continued and made conversation with another lady. In turn, it led to many more conversations... men and women.. from one group to another... one person to the other, I spoke to at least 30 at the end of the night. That's 5% of the crowd (but I doubt there were 600!). I think this is a pretty successful experiment even though by now I can't recall half of their names. But I have met some really cool people, bumped into cousin of a friend and spoke to people of various nationalities. Awesome. I begin to feel this is only a beginning.

Facing fear

I found the best way to conquer the fear is to face it. Sometimes we used distraction, avoidance or simply try to shelve them in our shadows. But the only way is probably a head-on collision with your fear.

I first experimented it with the negative feelings. Hurt, grief and anger. I allowed them to overwhelm me. I realised the first couple of weeks of avoiding only made things worse, they could roll into a huge explosive. As I let them in, they showed me how strong I actually am. They made me see that fear is only a restriction and obstacle I set upon myself. I faced them, I constantly reminded myself by revisiting the memories. It hurt lesser than I thought and sped up the grieving process.

My second experiment was swimming in the lap pool. I had a drowning incident once in Krabi, also a failed swimming test in this same pool. I almost never allowed myself to swim in a pool my feet wouldn't touch the ground. I have contemplated this experiment but never had the courage to act upon it till Tuesday. The other pool was packed and so I got into the lap pool. My plan was to swim along the shallow edges but realised in this pool, we had to do laps. Then I had fears. Fear that I would not have the energy to get to the other end; fear that half way there I would be panicking; fear that I might have a cramp and start sinking. Many negative scenarios. Then I thought about those laps I did on the 1.2m pool all the time, I managed laps with ease. So I told myself not to think about the 1.8m depth, I assured myself I wouldn't be stopping halfway thus I wouldn't even need to feel the ground. Off I went and I managed 4 laps, of course wasting a lot more energy fearing than the actual physical activity! But I did it. I faced it and I know I can do it again.

Life always brings us challenges and sometimes the best way to tackle it is to take up the challenge. You don't have to win, you just have to do your best.


Added on 8 Nov 13: I have just been reading up on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and realised this tactic is actually a behavourial experiment used to tackle NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts).