Don't scare me leh...

Dear Syndy is leaving us for her beloved, or actually to try out her next phase of life in Canada. In a way, I'm envious. She has someone waiting there for her. But me? I'm going all alone, I'm dependent on my own. My money. My accomodation. My friends?! Maybe that's the independence I'm really looking forward to. Freaky!

I can't admit I've no fear. Even the strongest person had fallen once, many people told me how courageous it is to do that. I've that confidence, I've the faith in me, but that doesn't say I don't have worries. My family back here! My new life over there!!

Having another last dinner with the girls (before syndy flies) last night suddenly induced so much pressure. They spoke about crimes, rapes and all other possible bad things that could happen. Yes, I have to say I've considered them, but they aren't going to be the excuses I'm preventing myself from deciding on the trip.

When have I made up my mind? This january. When have I been yearning to go back to london and live a life (at least once)?? A year ago.

It was a stressful conversation picking up my fears, because I'm always putting my eyes on the positive aspects. That's what that gets me going. When Syndy asked me not to go and rather join her in Canada, I saw a clearer view of what I'm going to pursue. Not a new life anywhere! Its the dream of living in london (whether in there or outside), flying to europe, going up to scotland, meeting new people, exploring life MYSELF. Rediscover myself & my capabilities.

My dear friends are worried for me, so are my parents. I'm worried too... but I can't imagine living my life here for another 2 years doing exactly what I am doing. I want to go out there!! Why is Singapore so safe and every else not?? Thats what I want to look beyond.

Every person whom told me they've confidence in me are LIARS... They said so, then the next thing is discouraging me not to go. Either that, or they make it sound like the easiest thing to do!!! I'm sad, I still trust myself.