In mood for <3 ~

Love, love, love...

Anyone whom can read me well enough will naturally know that I'm a living-for-love person. That's a shitty motivation to live for some. Many live for fame, money, or in pursue of something they like to do. Yet I have chosen love since the day I was borned. Something within me craves for that inexplicable feeling - being in love with love! I can fall deep for someone, provided he has to possess a kind of charm. Intangible. I'm very fussy about man, a man I want to explore my love fantasy with. He doesn't have to be fit, be cute, be smart, be wealthy... He needs to be himself, love who he is. He has to be "bad", afterall us women go for those.

My lust for writing has began, lets see whose the unlucky man receiving the letter (again)... hiak hiak.

**I'm closing my eyes and I see his face. I want to bite his lips, hold his cheek against mine...**

The Regency Romance Quiz (females only)

Stumbled upon this test... interesting tale :)

Ah, how sweet - you are an Ingenue. You are the youngest of the heroines, sweet yet not insipid, pretty but not cloying, and just out of the schoolroom. You have been living in the country all your life, and are part of a large family. Your father is probably a curate, and you are not very well off. Despite your youth and naivety, or perhaps because of it, you are quite fearless and will not follow convention just because it is the thing to do. Instead of being properly bored at society events, you are excited just to be there. An older and jaded member of the Ton, who is cynical about women and had never intended to marry, finds you refreshing and adorable, and quickly falls under your spell. Despite all warnings, you fall in love with him in return. It transpires that his black reputation and cynical exterior hide a kind and noble, yet deeply wounded, heart, and you marry and live happily ever after. Make the most of this while it lasts, because I fear your sort of heroine is quite annoying, and rapidly falling out offavour with modern novelists.

What kind of Romance Heroine are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm beginning to believe my instincts...

I escaped death!

My head was telling me to take the elevator, but my feet did not heed the mind. I took two steps down the 2 storeys high stairs (going down the train station) before I tripped... Can you believe I tripped over myself - I don't know how! God saved me, or did I saved myself? I caught hold of myself in time, saving from rolling down that flight of stairs. Gosh. I could have hit and died, I could have fell and caused others to fall, I could have broke my spine... and god knows...

After that instant moment I picked myself up, I was surprised I had not let out a scream; I wasn't shivering about the accident nor was I embarrassed. No one came to my aid but I couldn't care. I think english people would have lent me a hand if I were in london. Singaporeans...*shaking head* I couldn't care more. Maybe if someone did fall, I'd have helped to look if he/she is okay!

In fact, I have escaped from death few years back when I flew off a bicycle and landed onto a bush unhurt. Yes, UNHURT. Not even a scratch! That was in Pulau Ubin, cycling down that steep slope... till now I dare not ride around that little island again.

Thank God today! Maybe it's god, maybe it's my agility, or could it be my pilates lesson that taught me to gain better control of myself.

Konichiwa, Watakushi-wa Tsuriki

The Japan National Team is playing against Singapore tomorrow if I'm 100% right. Both the national teams are putting up in the hotel nearby my office. It seems to be the one for most national soccer teams whom flew here. My company is dealing with regional sports events, so I have seen my colleagues speaking to the press or maybe even the players. I've noticed some Singapore players/officials at lunch time, BUT I do not recognise them. Speaking of that, my colleague was telling me how good looking Nakata is in reality, yeah? Let's see if I've any chance to see the japan players...

Getting fit!

Picking up pilates.. playing beach volleyball... Guess what now? I've not been to the gym for a long time, there was a period when I visited regularly. Then I decided to drop it. It's addictive.

Lucky me eh. In fact I have never won many contests, or never once?! California fitness just rang me and told me I won a 2 weeks trial, 1 hour free personal trainer and free fat analysis (or something like this). I forgot what led me to this, I think some yahoo online contest which I filled up for fun.

My, I'm getting so active once again, how nice...

Dong Xi 1.1

Pilates wasn't as easy as I thought! I'm having stiff muscles after first lesson... looks like I've not been working out quite right in the past eh... Nice instructor though! (ok, she's a female, in case ur head runs wild again)

Watching Darren & Evelyn's Wedding on tv suddenly gives me another new perspective about marriage. It can be so magical. Yeah, there I go again... I think I said that once after attending my colleague's wedding. But now it is another different thought. Marriage isn't just about love and vows. It is so much more about living together as one. Sometimes, I'd like to imagine myself with someone. It isn't easy to live with someone, tolerate someone, compromise with someone and not getting tired of each other. On the other hand, it's a bliss to find someone whom you can do that with - for the rest of your life. Somehow, I'm hoping for my turn...

On Saturday, it was my friend's belated birthday BBQ. I was a helper, actually it was me who suggested the idea of her party and it all worked out. It felt satisfying to be able to do something for an old mate of near 10 years. It turned out that I didn't do as much as I could have... In a way, I didn't feel I did enough for her at the party. After all it was her day and I bet it was all still fun! Happy 23th birthday, eileen!

OKcupid test

Speaking of this, its a simliar test like this one that I chanced upon Sparkmatch and knew Alex. He was truly the first guy I fell head over heels with. Somehow it was all naive and sweet. A day ago, I came upon this site. Eversince Sparkmatch went down, nothing has ever come on to replace it. Now a substitute is here and even much better results. I hope it doesn't bring me men again, because I don't need them for love anymore - maybe not for a while.

If you are curious of my results:

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Ice cream, baby, ice cream!

My dad has unassumingly bought a new fridge, branded "Farfalla". Its said to be an Italian brand, I bet its more just an Italian name to package it. Clever assholes!! Oh yeah, it means butterfly in Italian it was said on their site. Whatcha-name-for-a-fridge! I'm not sure how reputable it is, just hope it can last us for some years. Our old "Mitsubishi" has met with breathing difficulties a few weeks ago, today it will be send away. Poor thing - its plastered with too many stickers as well.

Finally finally finally... I've not seen ices for a while at home. Now I can buy ice cream, groceries to stock up, ooo... & more cooking lessons! I can't wait to see it...

Imperfect home

I love to stay at home when no one is talking about money!

My dad is a boring good man; my mum is mahjong-crazed; my big sis is a shopaholic. I don't know what I am, I'm neither of them all. I'm dissimilar. I like to think I've taught my lil sis my way of living life, since she's like my twin soul. She's supportive of what I'm doing, but often too intruding.

My childhood is filled with financial disputes. Mum gambling away money, us forking out money, dad earning money to fill it in, mum tipping us money if she won, our Edusave scholarship money went to dad. It was difficult not to grow up being defensive of our own finance or being financially independent.

Even now, so many years later, my parents are still arguing over money. Its none of my business- their money. However, it is bugging to hear them. I've had enough. I never almost asked them for money. From the day I started doing vacation job, I bought everything I wanted/needed with my own money. I want to live away from their arguments.

My sisters and I have not taken money so seriously but it is still a sensitive topic. I do not like to talk about money at home! Never! I love them all, if only we can put "money" outside this kinship. I'm detesting the days listening about it - so tense.

Our house is a wreck. It is in need of money to replace many things: fridge, cupboards, washing machine, windows, etc. Even buying is a chore, I wish I can NOT CARE for the house for once.

Today, I just want to return home and go straight to bed.

STUPID MONEY STUPID MONEY STUPID MONEY!!!!

Dong Xi

"Dong Xi" means "thing or something" in mandarin.

I was thinking of something nice or catchy for today's blog headline, but none came to my head. I'm writing something random about my life. A bit here. Another patch there. So somehow a normal title doesn't fit in all. At least "dong xi" is a rather broad topic...

Its near 3 months left in my current job. I've not blinked my eyes many times, but time flew. I like to imagine the summer in London and fearing the cold in winter. 3 months is actually not a long time, it will be here in no time. I can probably visualize myself struggling to stuff as much as I can into my luggage...

3 months is not enough for so much to do. I've to renew passport, take passport photos, apply for visa, book ticket (after I got my visa), learn pilates, continue my self-learning cooking & laundry, plan for europe/uk backpacking route, buy the necessary (backpack, international adaptor...), take up freelance to earn more bucks (if I can squeeze time in), do my homepage v.3, convince my parents I can survive myself there, try hook up some contacts for accomodation & job in uk, do financial planning, prepared to terminate mobile/etc I have in singapore...

That's some of those I can remember right now. Challenging eh!

I'm not stressed now. Nothing really is going to bother me except I'm starting to become used to being alone. No friends. No men. No work. No parents. No siblings. No sound. No noise. Just myself, doing what I want. Nakedness. Alone.

I didn't sleep well last night. My toe was itching, hell, so much so I had to jump up to trim the nails away. I looked in the mirror this morning, wasn't so pleased with what I saw. My face - tired. I have some unseen disturbance going on in my head. I don't know what shit that is. I could recall changing my sleeping position 180° or 45° many times...

A friend's birthday is coming this weekend, somehow I am excited. I'm helping her party. Two more birthdays next month. I can't wait for some hands-on gift wrapping again.

Remember the gray shoes I bought, my sister wanted one as well. It must have looked nice! So I helped her got a blue pair.

I will need a good sleep tonight.

I don't have a good year with shoes

4th pair damaged. And my prediction of the 4th pair is right... but sooner than I have expected.

lil Old Dad

Tomorrow, my dad is 55. He was 32 when I was borned. Quite an old age I reckon to have a second child in the past, but I guess its a common one now. People marry late this days, never planned to have a baby till they are financially stable.

Sometimes I didn't understand why is it so difficult to have a baby today?? Is it that expensive? Do you have to consider so much before having one? Maybe they have to. But to a woman (I mean a perfectly typical woman - minus the career minded) I guess its always a mentally ready thing. If you're ready, it doesn't matter when...

OK, I think I am ready. Ha ha ha...

Hey, I was talking about my dad's birthday, right? Where was I again! I'm instructed by my sister to buy a cake, was thinking of treating the family a sushi dinner tomorrow. But now guess that's on my sister now. He he he...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY lil old dad

Intentional accidents!

I hate it when someone accidentally touches my bum, my hand, my hair or breathes on my neck... There isn't a "sorry". It's an intentional act that irritates the FU*K outta me. I'm going to give the next person a pinch on his flesh the next time I encounter it.

My pilates class is postponed! Damn. Another week for anticipation!!

Song de Paris

My friend, Song, has arrived in London by now I suppose. He spent a week (approx) in Paris... man, I haven't met any other male friend whom could take hundreds of pictures within a week. At least I am (like that), so is Angela. I thought no one could beat us - ridiculous random photo shooting. He he...

I'm linking up one picture he took which made me think its funny. Don't ask me why. I laughed at the first sight. Lovely little bird in Paris... (thanks song!)

C'est si bon De partir n'importe où Bras dessus bras dessous En chantant des chansons C'est si bon De se dir'des mots doux Des petits rien du tout Mais qui en disent long

Walking a long way

3 pairs of shoes gone in two weeks... this shows how devastating the situation is. Two pairs of white and my favourite black heels. I've got the replacement for black heels as its a necessity for every woman I reckon. I can't believe the bad luck on my shoes. I've just got a replacement for the two pairs of white, a gray one. I'm foreseeing another at home is meeting its doom soon. Maybe my shoes are that old, or am I too rough with them, or they are just not durable enough...

Crippled!

I guess I'm saving up the shoes' money for my future £5 meal. No shopping for shoes.

I hate biting nails, and once I start it, its going to look ugly. Now I'm bandaging my index finger, so I can stop chewing on it.

I don't know what the hell went wrong with my feet. Itch, peeling, blisters, bubbles... All the worst things you can get, I've them. I'm kicking my stubbornness, still thinking when I should take them to the doctor... I'm crippled.

The most dangerous creature in my office now is the person I reckon its the safest to work with... I can't trust anyone except myself here. I like no one except myself here. Somehow I'm not at all enjoying the job, I'm yearning to leave for london...

Women cry for no reason

Or at least I do...

I was mentally stressed out, physically tired and emotionally drained. For the past week, a holiday didn't manage to help me relax, and coming back to work with a lot more to think about is driving me up the wall! There's too much going on and too much to be done. It's overloading!! I'm completed fucked up at work, in social life and love life. How frustrating can that be...

I met a friend yesterday. I'm totally unprepared I'd have broke down in tears. There isn't a reason, really. He has made me felt so comfortable in his company that my tears flowed down so easily. For once in so many months, I let out a sense of relief. I feel better. Men do not understand women, and never will they (they might think they do). I can't give a reason for my sudden emotional stir up, but the fact that if I do cried in front of you... I'm feeling safe with you. I trust you.

I'm a woman who has nowhere to turn to, I'm a woman who cries. I'm a human, I need breathing space. Everything that is going on in my life right now is suffocating me, an oxygen mask does not work anymore. I need everyone to leave...

I am too fat, must be!

My heels broke, on my way to work. Like when a car breaks down... And its not the first time my shoes break down. This has happened to me a couple of times, and I'm starting to get the idea of how important GOOD shoes are. They last you longer than average pair of shoes and get you complete a longer distance.

The Bufferf|y Effect on Potatoe

Watching a mentally stimulating film after a mentally tiring day at work isn't such a great idea...

The story goes around a boy whom grew up having black-out, causing him to lose track of what has happened. Years later, he discovered he has the ability to back-track those memories again. And change them. His dad wasn't crazy, they could do it. He decided to go back inorder to save the gal she loved. Once again and again, he caused misery to people around him (his friend Lenny, his gf Kelly or his mum, even himself). The ending of the story is unexpected, very interestingly it made us think of what we could have done better. What we have now might not has happened... if we had taken another route.

Maybe I am different...
if I had followed my childhood dream and become a dancer or a nurse;
if i had chosen ARTS instead of being a follower into Triple Science Class;
if I entered a junior college instead, I'd be a Uni graduate by now;
if I had taken up the first job offer instead of the second that lasted 3 mths (and was demoralising);
if I had ....
if ...
if ..

There are so many "if"s and if only all of us look forward and not be reminded of the past. I don't like memories, I've cherished those time but its over! Sometimes I wish I can hate more people than I like them, as it has glued them in my head now.

If there is one thing like The Butterf|y Effect, I'd want to fall (harder) in love with that someone all over again...

*Sky is falling, so are the stars*

I'll be dead potato by the end of the week!

Bye Dinkydonk

It was pouring heavily...

I went to send a friend off, Song has left for London via Paris on a holidaymaker visa. I wanted to hand him some useful papers I've collected for my previous trip, at the same time looked at how things were going on such a farewell ceremony. His family and friends formed a big group, in a way, I began to imagine how many will be present at mine...

No one cried. It wasn't tense, I sensed everyone was in fact happy for him. His parents were so strong. I think my parents will put up a brave front for me too. Though I must admit I might cry... It's not a long time but enough to make me miss home (I bet) and the longest duration my parents will ever experience not having me around through the 22 years.

I saw him left. Part of me is yearning for my departure, the other fearing when the day comes. I'm loving London but at the same time I always love Singapore. It's still early to talk about me leaving till the day I get my visa ready!

*fingers crossed*

Basket, such a basket!

If I have to mention those few times I cried at work, they weren't never due to work reason.

Today, I'm on the verge of crying because of work. It is humiliating when you get accused. I DID NOT want to defend myself. Work is not scary, but its the person you do work with. I'm under proper training, so I've to report an hour earlier than my usual 10-7. I'm fine with it, I make the effort. But the pressure is suffocating, I got called up the first day of training (unaware of the timing), it was right after a holiday. How stressful can coming back to office be!

I'm late today but I'm willingly to compromise, to work late to compensate whatever that's lost. But no I did not need to explain, if he wants to accuse me or doubt my working attitude - by all means. He doesn't understand I DO NOT take a cab to work (living 13 train stations away), I DO NOT live alone (I've 2 more sisters to compete for 1 bathroom at the peak morning hours), I made an effort to come in earlier every single day for training.

Not using MSN, Internet explorer and even office email in an environment where everyone else does, I'm willingly to shut them off. What else does he want?? He's a mania at work! I'm serious about work - thats enough. I hate restrictions, being put off and hearing mean remarks that do not serve as a motivation!!

Just, he bought me a coffee - Coffee Bean Latte (I suppose). Sometimes he does treat me nice, but other than that, demanding is the word. Maybe I should use this chance to see if I excel under pressure, so far I doubt so.

*God bless me*

The man in my dream

Why am I dreaming of him again... Past nights, my sleep have been plagued by men - men closely related to me in recent years.

In the former dream, I was nervously on the phone with this guy, whom I once was so involved with. The night before, I dreamt of another him. This time he was affectionate towards me, much more than he did in reality. I brought him to meet my friends, in a second, he totally transformed into another person. To his dad. This is weird!

Liking someone and not receiving affection in return is like feeding raw meat to a pet tiger. It'll bite you hard in the end.

My quote of the night: Spilled milk can never be collected back. Even if you do, it is not suitable for consumption anymore. Buy a new packet. And note the expiry date!