My friends...

My friend (lao pa) wrote me a comment that set me off thinking,"Why shouldn't I be enjoying life?" Why should I not? Not because the other side of the world had a tsunami, not because I caused the tsunami, not because I had too much good time in Germany!? I chose to blog my happy moments, because I've learned to heal the painful side... In my own life, I chose to do what I believe I should do, not because I'm entirely selfish but I know where my happiness lies. To friends whom are holding your dreams back, its not whats stopping you from pursuing them, its what you are lacking to purse them! And sometimes you can't care for what everyone else thinks, because its not their dream, its yours!

My friend (angela) has always been wanting to be a holidaymaker like me. But I told her its not her dream to follow what I'm doing, but is that what she will like to do if I am never a holidaymaker?? Angela, I wish the mist in your path will clear itself. So you'll see what your real dream in life is about... Maybe eventually we won't end up as designers - kinda shit work being an one-man-team, so hang on! (till the day you followed your heart - you'll be free)

My friend (lisi) has been sharing a lot about religion and her church activities with me, and it never failed to enlighten me in a way. Sometimes I think having faith is a good thing, and I'm glad HE has been guiding your way. Don't think of death, don't think of suicide, I think the best thing is being alive and live for yourself, not for anyone else! Go... enjoy your Maya course and achieve what you wanted to.

My friend (syndy) somehow has made me see her other side. Has a trip to Canada or has the relationship shaped her to what she is now? I can't see, I can't sense... She was a cheeky thang with so many stories to tell; somewhat now she seems to belong somewhere! Is her heart somewhere out there? At times, she sounds the same old self, but she is becoming a woman of less word (less shit).

My b/friend (flo) sometimes makes me delighted and sometimes sad. Should I expect lesser, should I deserve more?? He has made me see my very own bad attitude, he has made me reveal the "me" I only have in stupid fantasy, he has made the 'kid' in me once again possessed me. Sometimes I wish he is more sensitive, sometimes I wish he is more romantic; sometimes I hope there is more surprises, sometimes I hope he knows when I have my PMS! Love is not a piece of cake!!

What is winter without snow*

Winter makes me more...
Lazy and so...
I am getting fat...
Because I get too hungry...
And am always inactive...
It also makes me moody...
And very cold...
I feel so restless...
And often sleepy...
I'm looking more pale...
Getting more domesticated...
Becoming too geeky...
Ah, I'm thirsty for more...
Now I'm simply Boh chup! - Maybe its time for bed!

Tsunami

It is the first time I heard of a huge disaster hitting the S.E.Asia! Should Singapore be lucky to be sheltered by some neighboring countries?? I hope Singapore is not affected too much, I didn't get any (sg) news except about the rising death tolls in Indonesia, Thailand (Phuket), Sri Lanka and India. I have some friends holidaying in Thailand for Christmas season, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for their safety.

I can barely recall the term "Tsunami" till I was again reminded by the television that it was the currents in the ocean triggered by an earthquake on the seabed. Are the fishes killed too? Can wakeboarders survive?? Where are the fishermen?? What happened to the big boats out in the sea!? All these terms we have learned during the geography lesson were forgotten because we have never expected them to occur. But things do happen... earthquake, typhoon, volcano eruption, flood, sand storm, cyclone...

The world seems to be having a hard time the recent years. Terrorism, 9-11, Bali, Iraq war, SARS...

Let's hope that the counting down to the new year also eliminates all the bad luck!

De.Christmas

For my curious blog-followers with an itching head... want a brief storyline of my very first christmas out of Singapore?

No white christmas, no snow... no snowman. Oh well, at least they say it might be snowing on Tuesday! We spent a week in two places - Erfurt and Magdeburg, both of his parents' places. The first day began quite badly, everything went wrong and we arrived late due to the first train being delayed. Fortunately, it became a lot better and the week could be said to be ending quite smoothly with tonight being the last at his mum's house. His dad has a big house and the family was certainly very easy-going. His step-sister spoke english, so there was something we could laugh about. His mum's side was equally fun, his sister is a pretty doll, his step-dad is always nice; I enjoy their company even though they hardly speak english. And oh... I still can't understand much german! Arghh...

Surprise Surprise! I have a new hair-cut enhanced with some highlighting. How cool... please don't envy. He he he. Flo's sister, Juliane, was a hair-dresser, so she did our hair. Actually she could do anything with my head, since I was so sick of the usual hairstyle already! I'm a satisfied customer now.

I bought some chocolate for visiting, and also a present for him. I received one from Flo, one from his dad, one from his mum and one from his maternal grandparents. They are all nice to me... I love the one from Flo best because he knows what I want, ever since I've been wearing it for a week now - ah stinky me! The rest are bundled with kind thoughts and I like them too.

Christmas at Flo's dad was accompanied with champagne, red cabbage, olives, salad, fish, etc. Christmas dinner at his mum's was ducks, green cabbage with sausage, red cabbage, potatoes, fruit salad, cheese cake, choco-whipped-cream-banana cake (which me and Flo were making)... Now I feel 2kg heavier :(

Christmas for them is like our Chinese's Chinese New Year; but I don't think I get as much money and the joy of surprises like them. I'm lovin' it!

p.s: Girls, get ready for the postponed christmas gift-xchange, I'm almost ready ;)

zwei null null vier

It doesn't hurt to be a copycat... after reading friend Joy's latest entry, it inspires me to do the same count for myself. I'm going to have a look of what I have done for the past 2004, with approximately 10 days to the coming year, what a good time to reflect oneself!


Leaving my web design job and landed into photography, that I'm pretty glad being able to explore into another different area I've been always curious about. Later on, getting pissed with the routine of the job no doubt.

Earning enough money to get to UK, get my holiday maker visa and realized the dream of working in London.

Getting over previous year's shitty relationships and not messing my head up with another stupid one; good things are worth waiting I believe. I met this guy (whom I'm with now) at the period of time I never think about wanting to get involved!

Be a holidaymaker! Get a taste of being out on my own, starting from scratch in a new environment, overcome fear and be happy with loneliness... best bit is I can wash, cook, support, decide and depend on myself! Wahaha... no big deal to some of you I guess, but I know I won't die living on my own! Staying with new people, crying to myself, shopping on my own! I started to love this kind of freedom. I yearn to be alone, in a place I had to force myself to mingle. There, a beginning to some true friendship and realizing the value of everything I have. Of course, not all things went like what I expected. Problems back home, dad lost his job, sister being nasty, me being selfish (fulfilling my own dream eh!)... I guess everyone of us has to put our own priority in your own life eh! I can only say I will never regret doing this, and I would have regretted if I never started this.

Another best thing is I get to travel around - for now its a minor part of Germany! Of course, not forgetting I learnt a whole lot of shit about myself when I'm out here or living with other people... I can love better now :D

-- edited on 271204 --

Nackt und klein

Naked and small...

I had a new experience last night after we went to a sauna place. Skinny dipping. Whirl pool. 85 degrees cel. sauna. I've only been to a sauna once in a hotel during a holiday and that was a quick one! We spent 2 hours yesterday. Guess what - I've to be naked in front of maybe 5-15 people at any one time! It was embarrassing for me, it was worse than a nude beach I reckon. Maybe I'm too conservative for it, too shy or too self-conscious? I was the only asian and being smaller in everything made me uncomfortable or inferior looking at other women's tits! Ha ha. I felt like the odd one there... but the tension eased after a while. But anyway if you're curious what I've seen, then I'd tell you most of them are old men :( He he he. Nothing fanciful, they all look the same. It is also fascinating to see fat people naked - not to offend, but I'm certainly ashamed now that they are not as self-conscious as I am!

S.P.G

In Singapore, we have a name for women or girls whom only go for white men (Caucasians). Sarong Party Girl. It sounds Malay to me, and I didn't know how it came about. Now it's infamous and every time you see a white man with a local girl, u think she must be a SPG. Even though I've a German boyfriend now... I still strictly believe I'm not one. My expats friends/colleagues never thought I am one anyway... not sure about my Singaporean mates...

In my own definition, how do I differ from the normal SPG...

1. I do not ONLY date white men, I take whatever that I fancy and comes at the right timing.
2. I do not specifically go to the expats hang-outs and fish for one.
3. I do not offer or initiate sex to them just because they think you're an easy prey.
4. I don't wear skimpy, don't like to show off having a boyfriend whom is white (unless of course I'm proud of who he is).
5. I do not have the mindset that white (Caucasians) are always better than the yellow (Asians). In some way, I still prefer some cultural values us (the Asians) have. In another way, I prefer the upbringing in the western countries. Maybe they should learn from one another.
6. I never seduced one!

p/s: so, if you always have been thinking I'm a SPG, pls stand up and voice out... ;)

Der Mann

I want to cry, but I can't. I want to send him mushy SMS, but I refuse. I want to know if coming here is the right thing, but I don't know.

Where is the trust I used to have? Where is that faith I always carry?

Is a single life better? Or is a relationship with doubts worth carrying on?

I really have no idea, not even the slightest hint when I'm writing this entry. I'm just blindly typing, keying what's on my mind. How can a man be contented in a relationship?? When can he stop looking and says "Yes, I'm willingly to commit when I'm with you." Can he stop doing things to make himself more desirable to other girls? Can he stop having sex chats online!? Is he willingly to admit he's in a relationship to other attractive women out there? If an answer to any question above is a "No", is he still a nice guy?

I'm wondering what has this world come to... why are there divorces, broken marriage, affairs, cheating, mistress. Why has men learnt to become evil? Why has they turned more greedy and never be contented with what they have?

Even though he is still acting as loving to me, my river of affection has stopped to flow. Like a dam built up to keep the water back! Like a train screeching to a complete halt! I'm covering myself with a shield before the enemies come...

Is there a day I'll be totally sweep off by a man??

Bloody u - cupboard

Fuck la

Another scratch on my new phone. It feels having like a scratch on your car if you know how it feels like. I can't re-paint it, just have to close one eye (better without the lens) to not be reminded again. Sad!

Cold breakfast

Self-fried crepes with vanilla ice-cream wrapped together with sour berries. How does that sound?

creepy-crawly

It feels like this having to countdown to January...

In January, I'm finally landing my ass back in old "sunny" Singapore. Thinking about it now, I kind of look forward to seeing my mum, dad and my sisters; not forgetting my good friends back there. Somehow, I still feel creepy - creepy that Christmas will pass and then January will come. Will I be back? Will I be able to continue my dream living out here, in a totally different cultural environment? I'm kind of enjoying it, really. I guess most people do love to start afresh in a new place, getting out on their own and making another place feels like home. Tell me if I'm wrong. Then you must be one of a kind - boring kind! Not adventurous!

It has been almost a month in Germany. Many people have been wondering what I've been doing here, don't you people eh? I can't explain but time seems to be gliding faster than me trying to glide in the Xbox snowboarding! I've gotten used to Germany like how I had done that once in London - some routine and some itching feet. I still like to get out of the house, and when it gets too cold I'd rather hide with my candlelights.

Some of the things I've been trying to do in Germany:

(i) travel - as and when
(ii) learn German - (sorry la, not much progress) still in progress
(iii) be a housewife - this one is boring but I'm good at it now, especially nagging
(iv) live with a man - (challenging) learning to argue, yell at each other, love and do things together
(v) get back to some creative hobbies - (seems like I'm still as bad at drawing, damn!) photos/homepage design/drawing
(vi) cook - not like a housewife okay, experimental Asian style and some German of cos!
(vii) not to gain weight - (haha, tough one) with the winter, hardly any outdoor sports; too much chocolate/cheese/sausages around
(viii) shake leg - relax la (okay, my Singlish is actually improving while I'm here, funny)
(ix) have a white Christmas - (sobs) looks like snow only comes after that
(x) be a whole new person - better, positive & carefree =)

I must buy all the HARIBO sweets when I come home (damn, too many to choose from), this is driving me nutsssssssssss

@ . @ Books crazed @ . @

Eversince stepping into UK, books never fail to fascinate me. I can spend hours in the bookstore. Blame it on Singapore not having most imported - oh well, the best are still out here. I was introduced to Taschen by my previous landlord back in London. He is/was a photographer and had his photos published on books by Taschen. I began to read the catalogue everytime it was sent to the house, and the next time I was in a bookstore, I would be scanning for this publisher. Not all of them are found in the stores... so sometimes it can be a hard catch!

In Berlin, I happened to come across one I was looking for. This one (part II). I'm seeking for its part I now... woohoo... browse the sample pages at the above website :)

Kinder Surprise 2!!!

Today after lunch, we had a conversation over coffee with his friends. I didn't drink, not after a full meal! He returned with a Kinder Surprise again. I wondered why - chocolate for me again? Fattening me? *laughs* Maybe he has to show his friends how sweet my boyfriend can be! ;)

Okay, maybe from today I can start the toy collection, from these surprises...

Berlin, just germany

I was in Berlin for the weekend with Flo and his friends (a couple), we stayed with his friend's uncle/aunt. It all seemed exciting to be in another new city, a bigger city! As usual I dozed off during the 3 hours drive (lucky I'm not driving or lucky I can't drive), we sat at the back and Louis (their dog) was behind us. The car was Louis's smell, it soon flooded all our other senses. Immune.

Arriving in Berlin is a funny feeling, I'm still in Germany, so it didn't feel like a new place. To me, Braunschweig (where I stay now) and Berlin are not of huge differences. It is still not as busy as London - I'm starting to compare everything with London. It's not as cosmopolitan as London, yet Asians are lingering around more than in those little towns. Finally I overheard a guy speaking English in the train, I was thrilled - someone was there with me (native english speaker).

Sunday was non-shopping day, in fact it is never a shopping trip! Shops are closed on Sunday. The first night ended at 4am after an exhausting night-out (clubbing with live band "The Roots") and late night supper/drink. Saturday was dedicated to long hours of sleep, some hours of shopping mostly in second-hand stores & some funky small shops, and roaming around mostly ending up at christmas markets; we never almost visited a shopping mall. Well the germans should know Berlin best, so probably shopping mall is a bad idea to start off in a city with. Anyway, shopping in europe is almost never cheaper than in London - so why waste the time window shopping! Great, so you know next time when you visit Berlin... unless your wallet is fat.

I realized something from the trip - I'm never sick of walking in the christmas markets! Ha ha.

Oh, yes, I did sightsee as well. We missed the opening hours of the Parliament, at least I was at the door. I was at Brandenburger Tor though... I didn't think much of it, because I seen so much statues in London. But then again, Germany has a very rich history about how it came about as it is today. And I'm surprised I never learnt them in school... or well, maybe it is after I had my history classes! How Germany came together as one from the former EAST Germany and WEST Germany. Goodbye Lenin is a good film to illustrate this!

More to explore...

p/s: Berlin still didn't appeal to me as much.

Look down under

Have you ever tried changing your angle looking at a certain object, issue, problem... etc?

It used to be the same whichever angle I looked at an egg. It's still an egg. It's just an egg. Laid by the chicken. Oval. Fragile. Waiting to be eaten. But now, do you know at an angle, an egg can be round, an egg has an ass and it sits on its ass though never helping it to support much. Oh I also mean a base if you don't fancy the word "ass". An egg could be a kinder surprise; a kinder surprise can be an egg. An egg can do you different kind consumption methods, half-boiled, hard-boiled, fried, scrambled, omelette, raw and best of all it mixes well with other food.

I was bullshitting...

I want to write how my perspective has changed ever since leaving Singapore to be more self-reliant, independent and best of all, crawling out of a protected shell. Like a baby turtle, ready to venture into the water... [normal text was the past, colored is the new perception]

Life
I want a life of my own, a life alone, a life where I chose who I want to have in it.
I can't have a life alone, a life with everything u wanted (without friends, kinship, love) is pathetic, its a routine.

Family & Friends
They are there, they are sometimes boring, I wish for better ones...
They are there, always there... I can't ask for better ones.

Love & Marriage
I want to be married, I like to think about having kids with the man I love.
Cherish it for the moment, don't be embarassed to say it, no long-termed plan, just you & me, now and forever.

Career
Making do with one that pays me enough to live, to spend, to eat...
I'm still looking for the passion, something I can imagine doing it when I'm 40.

Money & Happiness
Money, money, money... why do we always talk about money??? It never made me happy.
I love to earn money, but can you stop making a big deal out of money... It seems my perception is still the same. Money doesn't equal to happiness!

Travel
I want to see Europe...
I only want to see it with u (my friend), going around alone in a train/plane, laughing at your own joke, awed with amazing sights with no one to share with, is not funny at all. Yes, travel partner(s) wanted!! Oh, and now, not just UK/Europe. Australasia, Asia, some parts of USA...

Pretty Things
Lingerie (hahah), dress, shoes.
Snow globes & socks.

Yummy Things
Rice, pasta, seafood, curry, naan, prata, fried oyster, cheese cake, sushi, nasi lemak, tomato.
HARIBO gummy, lindt/milka/kinder chocolates, rum ball, Jamaica ginger beer, sausages, bread, olives, potatoes, cheese.

Personality shaping
Impatient, fussy, arrogant, mild-tempered, critical, negative, can't be bothered, prone to mood swings.
More patient, more fussy (hah), still mild (unless provoked), more supportive, more positive, more initiative, more adventurous, more restless, more homely, more cheery... stop behaving like a big kid!

Still something never changed...

Attitude
If you don't be an ASSHOLE to me... I won't be an ARSEHOLE to you!
If you don't be an ASSHOLE to me... I won't be an (double) ARSEHOLE to you!

Spot the minor difference

Did you just realise you've got increment in your yahoo mailbox space? Check it again. I didn't until a friend was announcing with her MSN nickname. I was wondering why YAHOO has became so generous with her? I logged in with my two accounts. Wee!!! They are giving to me as well. Now with 500MB and 1GB Gmail... what is this world coming to? Do free things last???

Kinder Surprise!!!

Surprises for kids... I felt like one! He bought me an egg. He offered to buy me one at the canteen the other day, but I shook my head. He almost didn't like the idea when I ate too much chocolate, we are on one week FAT-FREE diet... Even though we have some in the house, we could hardly follow our rules, sneakily and slowly the pieces are disappearing from the boxes. He came home from the supermarket one evening and presented the little egg to me. Like a little fragile gift, I held it with both hands =)

Gosh, its a Kinder Surprise, baby!

wein wein wein

I got drunk with hot wine at the christmas market. Oh, christmas I love it!
Carry me home, please...

Dad, again

I don't know what is wrong with my dad... he's always in trouble with his job. Now he's retrenched!
I really don't know what to say, except shaking my head in despair for him. What can I do? Why is he always down in luck! It happened once middle of this year he had a huge pay cut that saved him from losing his job. Now he lost it. Yes.
What do the whole family expect me to do? The only thing that is important is money, they value this far too much. Since a kid, I know nothing as much as close family ties... it was all about money, and now it is still money! I dislike it. I have a phobia of ringing them because they never gave me enough support till this day. Come home, come home, everything out of their mouth is about returning home. Why do they not see it? It's not fun, it's not a playground out here... this is how big the world is! This is about coming out on my own and realizing what I want to do with my life.
My sister is an A**hole, yes and I mean it now. She only wants to push part of the blame to me that she's shouldering everything now just because I left home. I'm not abandoning them, I don't understand how narrow-minded she is, she only sees that she's scared of handling it alone. How about me, have they give me all the assistance I needed out here?? When I was out in London alone, did they bother to call me and check on me? No... But they expect that much from me that I can't give.
I'm fed up about having a sister whom constantly makes me feel bad, feel guilty about home. Her sarcastic remarks and temper has provoked me so much that I can't be bothered to say nice things to her. She called me selfish, I asked her to look carefully whose selfish! I didn't leave home when it was in a bad state, and it happened when I'm here, I'm trying to look into it, but I don't feel encouraged at all - I'm beginning to be frightened about being stuck in Singapore!

Lord, oh Lord... am I borned in the wrong place with the wrong cultures...

Opa und Oma

= grandpa and grandma

It was Flo's grandma's birthday - she's only 75. We went for a little family celebration at the house, an hour away by train. I was nervous about speaking German with them, supposing they wouldn't speak English. Guten Tag! Ahh... the easiest yet most useful one comes in handy. His mum was there, his step-dad, his uncle and the family, not that big but enough to crowd around the table for tea and lecker (yummy) cakes and later on a traditional German dinner. Deer meat and gravy. Pear in cabbage. Red cabbage. Potato (I call it potato rice). Cheese cake. Fruit pie. Almonds icing cake. Cream cake.

Mmmmm... it is difficult to be not speaking the same language because I couldn't understand:( They did try some english though, and I'm glad it was still a good weekend.

Germany - tanzen in dem Schnee!!!

I get drunk with rum balls!

Stone like a frozen chicken out in the chilly weather; cold enough to make snow falls... can I say I love this weather? I don't know. The first sight of white amazed me, waking up one morning, peering out of the window, there they were - all covered in white. It wasn't snowing, it did and I didn't get to see them :( (in the middle of the night)...

It was raining, wind blowing into your face - piercing cold. I was struggling to keep my head in the hood, fighting the way into the shelter when the rain didn't seem like pouring anymore. Floating. Drifting. Oh, its snowing!! I was thrilled, jumping like a little kid, twirling under the snow. It lasted for a minute and it turned water again...

I can cook... woohoo

:)

Stupid things

A random ICQ user was asking for my authorization, 'she' said she's Santa Clause and posted me a link! Hoax, must be some porn or spam or virus... I told her I'm Santa's mum!

Leaving London was as easy as I expected, maybe it is the fact that I knew something over the other side is awaiting me! The only trouble about leaving London is the unpredictable future if I'll be back (in London), I'm sure I want to come back to UK to sightsee. So there, I had to settle everything from moving out of my room, ending of my job to bank account and tax refund. I was stressed out for the last week. But it all soon disappeared the time I arrived in Heathrow...

To be frank, I haven't had time to get upset about leaving London. Probably only the hour I was preparing to leave the house, I missed living alone, missed sightseeing in London, missed the friends there... and my housemates. Once I was out of the door, it was all about how I was going to DRAG 2 backpacks and 1 luggage to the tube station. One bus, one tube... there I was in terminal 1. Believe me, its damned heavy!!!

I got a newspaper at the airport and was reading till the gate is closing... I always ended up so late for boarding! And then I was counting the good things in London - getting free CDs with newspaper. Can they do this in Singapore, please.. ;)

In the small BMI plane (no, its not budget, but its one of the cheaper ones), everyone flying to Hannover seem to be German. I heard them speaking but I couldn't understand except for a word "Lecker" which rabbit has always been using. I was getting giggly again. I was like an alien (newly arrived into this world), even the custom officer was new to my Singapore passport!

Hannover airport was really small, just one arrival hall, barely 5metres wide... so I saw him there. It felt like heaven, I AM HERE!! I thought he shrank, or maybe too many stocky men I encountered in London. I had a new rabbit (called Felix), a rose and best of all someone to fetch me :) Aaaaaa...

Giggly

I should have posted this long ago... before I even came to Germany, yah, I'm bit lazy to complete it, no inspiration.. hehe... and no internet for past few busy days in London!

I find myself chuckling very often in scenarios like these:

1. Hearing someone in London speaking in Singlish (not the ang moh); it happened once in the office at lunch, at my table. This Asian chap was speaking to his ang moh mate in bit and pieces of Singlish phrases, I just couldn't help it.

2. I see something with a Playboy or rabbit logo; I nearly wanted to invest £10 just for a striking pink nice print undies (yes, real playboy!!). It reminds me of rabbit! Then again, how often can you show off the nice playboy.

3. Cooking my dinner at 1630, then realizing that the sky is dark but the night isn't here yet. But then again, that was my lunch as well!

4. Buying a weekly bus pass, and cheat the driver - I got away with it thrice, imagine! Heh, how?? I bought it with a starting date for the upcoming Thursday but already using it on the Tuesday! Wahaha..

5. Okay, now I really have lost all the inspirations about London, but yes, there was many good laughs about things back there - lovely memories! Shall I move on the Germany now ehh...

0830 in the office

This is very unusual of me...

I came here cold. Cold fingers, cold feet. I had the first motorbike ride in London, in winter (can I call it winter yet?). It's about ten or eleven degrees this week. A fabulous night with the Piercy family (my ex-boss, his wife and their sons), I paid them a home visit finally. After I had my own room for near 2 months and just before I'm leaving for Germany, what a timing eh...

Anyway, it was lovely. The boys remember me, yes they do. Somehow Felix seems to be the easiest to talk to, maybe we are both the middle child, does that say something? James prefer his little independence and having his toys-talk himself. I didn't get to see George as much as he left for his Scouts' activity, but he was a fine little boy. He came home with 3 more badges to be sewn on his sleeve which was already crowded with 12. I can't say I like the british kids I've encountered on the street and buses, but the Piercys' are indeed special somehow. They left me a good deep impression :)

My ex-boss (somehow he's still my boss @ emi) seems much more like a friend since, there was never the formality or the serious talk. Besides discussions about the project at work, I've began to share many things. Our last conversation was about our families, sex education, the difference in our cultures, the boys, my current relationship and things that just crossed your mind really. It felt good, I've never spoken to my dad more - funny. Even with my landlord; I reckon my dad needs a good long conversation once I'm home. It is just weird coming to realize how people so close to you has so little in common to talk about, or do they simply not want to share? I've to say there is this distance between my dad and me (or simply just between his daughters and him), his over-protectiveness and conservative mind has been keeping us off!

I'll certainly miss them when I leave, but I know I'll see them again. And maybe one day when the boys are all grown up, who knows...

And oh yes, the ride was so cool... and very cold!

Big tits stealer

Stupid thing, I absolutely loathe it when blog-city goes down every now and then... it happened on the day American election was to be held. Should I blame America instead? Or Americans who are nastily blogging and ranting about it.

Anyway I was grumbling about my housemate who stole my bolognese sauce. I got a big bottle, and she actually finished half my bottle without my permission! Stealing!! She could have asked, or said afterwards, but NO, how rude can someone get! I was fuming about it, because she should just be polite about it. So I was left middle of the night wondering where my spaghetti sauce has gone to... Now I bought a small bottle, but its not going to stay in that damned fridge anymore.

Mission 3 and 4

Mission 3: Clarified issues with HSBC, credit card account sorted, I'll be able to transfer money from UK to Singapore if required. Wee! However, I intend to keep this account in case I do return and find some work, always useful than having to do one all over again.

Mission 4: Flight to Germany booked! Ah, now I've to inform landlord and company about my leaving.

Missions do not seem to end, I'm having more and more even before I go. Now I'm back at work, and apparently they still give me some minor work to do. Hey, I thought I'm done. So my mission 2 is not completed, is it so?? Arghh... whatever, as long as you've the money to pay me, I'm still here till D-day!

I'm already thinking about how I should get to the airport, I'm giving the budget flights a miss, as it takes too much hassle. It does save you some money, but you spent more time, and even more money (maybe on my excess baggage)... and in the end, it might not be as cheap as you think. So BMI, I'm coming with you. British Midland that is.

British Summer Time

Daylight saving time. Not sure if everyone of you understand this term, especially people living in places with no distinctive seasons. Read more about the British summer time (BST) and daylight saving.

It's the first time I'm experiencing it. My SA (South African) friend warned me the night before as we are supposed to meet the following day where daylight saving is not effective anymore. On 31 October.

I woke up that morning, and was being questioned by everyone in the house about the time. Huuuhh... I'm the foreign one here. Even my landlord is asking me if the time has gone back by 1 hour. The time difference between London and Singapore has increased from 7 to now 8.

It's not difficult to adapt, but the sun shines brightly only from about 9am to about 1pm... then gloomy weather struck. In the earlier afternoon, it is looking gray already. At 5pm, sun sets and by 6pm, its NIGHT TIME! My god, how can I live in winter? I'm beginning to understand why many people suffer from depression during winter. I'm not depressed as yet, somehow this is new to me. I'm beginning to wonder how winter is going to be like having longer nights... Do all the party animals enjoy winter time more since its longer "nightlife"?

Mission 2

Officially declared jobless as of now. No more weekend overtime! I need to leave the job in order to leave the country. So case two closed. Phew!!

I'm not too concerned about the money issue, it costs me more if I stay here longer anyway. That means I'm leaving for Germany earlier than I've expected. Good or bad?! Part of me is excited for the new change, another part a little hesitating...

A few more missions to go, and I'm bidding my farewell to good old London!

Mission 1

Return flight re-routed from London to Frankfurt, mission completed. Case closed. Yippee!

I was having serious doubts about changing my flight home. It's a big decision since I can hardly turn back and say,"Hey London I'm coming back." London doesn't welcome me anymore in cold winter once I fly out of England. I'm not too keen about spending winter in London having no job, missing loved one faraway and get into depression state in the gloomy city. For once, I'm sick of the routine life! For another, I need to see more outside UK. And probably, yes, snow! I'm afraid of the unforeseen future in Germany. I fear that things will not work out, then I've to either get out of Germany and re-route the flight again or just fly my ass back (Singapore) earlier. No, I don't want to come home yet. I've not had enough of this freedom, this satisfaction, this carefree lifestyle. Best, I've my own room, own tv, own space...

More missions to be carried out in order to see the D-day (Departure day) coming nearer and nearer and...

Look at the money £££

I'm a workaholic, just for yesterday, today and the rest of the week. Yes, boy, including my weekend! As long as money is coming in, I need to work my ass off for this October, so I get paid soon. Yeah!!!

Just because I'm spending again, spent £15 today on shopping, oh plus another £4 on food. *slap the hand*

Sick, sick sick of work

Can I not work!! After graduating from school, I've been working near 3 years. During school, I was always working during vacation!!! Now I'm so sick of work, work work... I need a break. Sightsee. Play. Go around. I've a phobia of stepping into the office and sitting in front of a small monitor all day long. Now it even puts me off playing games on my laptop after I get home. I want to throw the damned monitor away... even if I work I want to do one related to food. Yes, food, food food.

Surviving autumn

My housemates were surprised I was cooking in the kitchen last night, actually not about the fact that I cook. But about how I could stand a dirty kitchen with everything practically in half-working condition. Ha ha. I can't possibly eat out all the time, especially the last week when I did not work much - no good food from the office restaurant. I had to resort to buying cheap sandwiches and do some simple pasta! Last night, I found some herbs marinated potatoes... so why not? It doesn't take that much effort. I'm more taken aback by the fact that the girl who commented about the kitchen has been living there for nearly a year and she didn't cook?! Oh my oh my, how did she survive...

Like I said, I simply love this small room so much more, a very cosy little haven. Best for hibernating in winter season!!

It's nearly 16-18 degrees now every morning, sun doesn't rise at 6am. I woke up at that hour, searching for some light to convince me that its daylight already. It didn't so I went back to bed and only dragged my ass off at past 8! Ha.

I can't believe I went to Covent Garden 3 times in 2 weeks. I must be insane, I don't love that place. Well, the first time I had a brief walk; I returned again because I realized I didn't explore the whole area; yesterday I went back again to get a birthday card (for my sister). But then I actually know now to walk from Covent Garden to Leicester Sq or Trafalgar Sq... and I should do this more often in other areas!

I spent more money again... at the Jubilee Market in Covent. I can't say what yet, because I bought one as a present, one for myself. Ahah, its lovely. I'll drop a hint, something you play with your fingers and make it come alive :)

I met Noah and Clarisa 1 night ago - my Singaporean friends. It wasn't a long night, yet it was such a good time - some Singlish, Singapore gossip, London gossip... I invited Noah to chill out at my place, my stunning dimly lit room (u can actually asked someone whom visited and not at all a designer, i think he can describe it from another view).

Rabbit Flo flew back to Germany last night, it doesn't seem real to me. Maybe I've gotten used to the distance apart or the time has gone by quicker than I was counting the weeks. Lovely, I woke up yearning so much to be in Germany too. Now work is coming to an end, so time to make some decisions about my flights/travel. I'm not up for another job, or work like a cow during the white christmas! My first white christmas...

Missing out singaporean style

I seem to have lost track of all the hot gossips back in Singapore - the fab4's gossip, who hurt her leg or the eye, who's happily dating, who's lovesick, who's getting hitched/dumped/married, who's crying over this girl/that boy/money/etc, the new fashion trend/boutiques, my dad's new job, my sister's new hairstyle, my little sister's job adventures, rabbit's BBQ farewell... and my mum??

There are so much I wish I could be there to see, witness, attend, celebrate, listen and put my tongue there... Even though I get updates every now and then, I obviously know so much more is happening out there! I guess I've my independent London life here, being over 6000 miles away doesn't help me much, does it??

I miss my mum's curry when I eat the breads here, I try imagining dipping in her lovely hot chicken curry.

I've got a black Mary-Jane now... "enuff said"

don't ask why... maybe its fate... the size was wrong... so i went back.. came back with a black one... pretty happy about it though... stupid, i'm writing broken english!

The old man calls me a...

bargain hunter: I can't blame I only buy during sales... Nice tee under £10. I can't blame I redeem free movie ticket because I bought a 40pences newspaper... I can't blame I buy a £5 bag that costs £15 in sucky branded store. I can't blame the newspaper giving me a free CD.

shopaholic: No, no... I've to defend myself on this. I am not. Of course, not in anyway. I buy with a purpose. I'm more a shopper with an intention.

By the way, the old man is my landlord who stays in the house and gossips about everything :)

Mary Jane Pink Leather

A feminine and sassy dress pump!

The blog title - those are the description of my "glass slippers" on its box. Black/white shoe box with an image of a dog, strings through it to make it hold like a paper bag. If you want to take a look at it online, click here. I can't help saying all the shoes from this brand are beautifully created - they have a theme. Check out Irregular Choice on internet (e.g. Zappo or even ebay), and you see its variety - did I see "free shipping" when you order (I must say I'm not sure where it applies to, might be USA only).

The black version (not with pink flowers but purple). Oh yes, this was initially the one I saw and thought I wanted to get... till I tried the pink one on! Groovy, I can't help liking it so much more. Anyway thinking about the cost, I reckon black is too common, I need a refreshing one for such a price! And I just spotted this online (but not in the store), click here. Pretty too eh?


p/s: I must say I'm not a shopping queen!!! My landlord says I'm one as he saw me buying a couple of things this week. He must see my girl friends back home before he says that eh!! Heheh, time to keep the card in the wallet! Woo..

It feels like a nail in the foot

I'm having backache (not the waist area but below that shoulder)... It's really putting me off everything I do! What's wrong with me today - something is wrong! Am I down in luck, or is it a bad day? Bad Friday and certainly I hope not a bad start to my weekend. I'm feeling unaccomplished at work because basically now I turn up for a couple of hours and no work has come. I'm supposed to still do some graphics which I'm waiting for pictures to be sent to me. They don't come, no work done, that leaves me very undone. Grrrr.....r..rr..

I don't want to admit this, but on a bad day, I'm usually a very impulsive shopper (I mentioned this before, didn't I?). Submissive to buying, submissive to sales, submissive to anything pretty... In fact, I've already spent £20+ shopping. I've to curb that habit - shopping with bad mood. It is very bad, can be very bad, and is very destructive - not to mention only to that wallet but also mentally menacing.

I found this skirt (finally) but not too sure whether its the one I'll like (for long), I'm searching high and low for a layered, soft, flaring skirt... Now I just happily settled for one half that price and not at all what I've described above. It's flaring for one, but otherwise fine and pretty enough to go with my black stockings. I'm planning shoes-shopping for the weekend, and actually it is plastering to the mind when you know you just want to get something. I'm soo..... impatient. I hate shopping but I want to get it over fast, I must make sure I stop once I've found that glass slippers!!

In the house

I thought I shall write one on my flatshare again. Asha (a polish student) is leaving for Poland this afternoon, somewhat I'm slow to accept the fact that we will have someone new again. Michele (a Czech girl) is in another room but I seldom see her as much. I'll be moving into Asha's room this weekend, inorder to save me £20 per week! Its a room about 1/3 the size of mine now. Small and compact, I reckon its enough as I get out of the house daily. Another polish girl moved in last night, I met her this morning. Her name is Isabella. With a boyish haircut, blonde hair, and much taller, I can't believe she can share a room with the owner. She has a single bed set up at the corner of the old man's room. My room will soon be advertised and we will probably have a new girl soon. I wish she's someone I can hang around with :)

Have it brainless

I felt so inadequate at the Company's Quiz night yesterday. We were in a team of 8, 100 Qs to answer. Arts history, current affairs, films, sports, general knowledge, retro music, 20th century, song names... Out of 100, I only knew the answers to a minor 1-2!! That's really bad! My team scores 75/100 in the end. But I feel shitty - even now. I realized there is so much more about this damned universe I'm not aware of!!! One unfair bit about the whole quiz was it was mainly focused on London, Europe or New York (even the music category), and I know shit about it.

Londoner chick

I can't blame the fact that my contract job is ending soon, my first paycheck has encouraged more time for shopping (yah, budget shopping!), and having a bus pass makes me go around more of London! I want to save enough for my travel in Europe for coming spring and/or summer. Saving up from the cheap rent, cheap shopping, cheap transport, cheap food... I'm trying to live cheap in expensive city. Not so easy! And yes, if it means free to see a STAR in town, I'll be rushing down. Not for everyone though, I am lucky to say Jamie and Ewan are a rare catch for me - enough. I've seen Ronan at concert in Singapore. Maybe next on the list, Prince William for me.. he he he.

I'm mastering the art of survival in London - I can teach you how when any of you want to get here. Fortunate I should say I've met people whom have shared different parts of London with me; I went to a 2nd hand market held in some school compound on a Saturday afternoon (God's sake, I don't know what is it called!!). £3 for a winter coat - real! But I didn't get it, can't imagine how I can pack that in my luggage yet. But I'll return again to check out good bargains. Afterall I don't need one in Singapore, so 2nd hand works fine for me... unless I've extra £££ for a brand new one. Very tempting!!

I've been searching high and low for a perfect pair of glass slippers... Ah, I want to get a pair of shoes - a promise with my first salary! And a pretty skirt to go with it. First of all, I'm getting that shoes so I can wear my new stockings (its 5 socks now!!); in order to see that stockings, you need to wear something shorter of course; so now I end up having to buy a skirt too. Now I don't have a bag to go along - but I don't want to buy!!! Mmmm, I shouldn't be so fashion-conscious, but its REAL hard not to be here. Everything looks good - coats, shoes, dresses, stockings, sweaters, blouse, lingerie, scarfs, even gloves... I also love the books - I can't stress enough but its amazing! "Fuck"


I'm listing the things I bought for myself over here (not food, I can't remember them):

£ Hip Sharp GX 15 mobile phone
£ German-english dictionary (bargain!)
£ Stockings x 4 (1 black fish-net, 2 black patterned, 1 beige hold-up)
£ Love socks
£ Recycled-drink-packets bag
£ Black cool business jacket
£ Slightly over sized girlish dress (picked at the 2nd hand market)
£ Beads covered beautiful notebook
£ A box of jumbo color pencils (for my notebook if you wonder)


Shoes and skirt coming up!! Maybe a snow globe too, miniature if I've to bring home. I have always wanted to get a big pretty one, it isn't for kids, is it!! I'm fascinated by them. If you haven't got an idea what that is, look here for an example.

I'm enjoying London (alone even), see.

Ewan McGregor... Aaaaa

Ok, now this is my idol... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAh

I saw him yes, again at another book signing. 'Long Way Round' - A book written about a trip taken by him and Charley Boorman. How often can you bump into an actor; I'm not an avid reader of his new title, but I've been watching him since I first saw him in Star Wars as Obiwan! Another lunch time adventure, yeah, sounds very interesting and fulfilling eh! Frankly, this is exhausting... Take a 40mins bus, get to Waterstone's, wait for Star's arrival, goggled at him for 1 hr, take another 40mins bus back, then figure out whats for lunch!

Fucked again this time. I brought my camera but NO PHOTOGRAPHY is allowed! Fuck... fuck fuck... I didn't manage to sneak a picture of him as he was blocked by many guarding staffs and a hulky bodyguard.

Charley is a red faced man, not sure who he is, but I assume a good friend of Ewan. Whatever! Ewan McGregor is absolutely gorgeous - no lies!!! He appears much smaller than he did on films. He looks like he's slightly over 6ft in movies. But in real person, he's perfectly like every other normal man, ok, wonder why I use the word "perfectly"!! Yahhh, dream man :)

Cheezz... I can't stand myself, I'm beginning to behave like how Angela is obsessed by JJ, maybe spare me the screaming and getting upset without photograph part. I was slightly disappointed I didn't have a picture, so I stayed throughout the one hour session to have enough of my eyes on him! Ha ha, so there I'm a happy girl now. Absolutely charming...

There were people sneakily snapping pictures of him, but no I did not want sneaky and random shots of my idol. If I want a photo of him, I make sure its perfectly what I want to capture! So there it goes, perfectionist at work. There was a smaller crowd compared to Jamie Oliver's the previous day, but you could hear japanese girls shrieking and giggling over him, korean girls blushing with his handshake and few blondes just as excited to hang around!

p.s: Where are you, my rabbit... vermiss dich!

Jamie Oliver - The naked chef

Heh, I'm proud to say I've met Jamie Oliver in real life! Whoaa... Put it this way, I've seen him yesterday for his book signing at Waterstones (Oxford St). His latest cookbook was hot selling at £16.99, and the queue was horrendously long - imaging it circling around all the shelves at the basement of the store. I did think of getting one, after one look at his devoted fans, I decided against the idea. I had made the trip during my extended lunch hour (its 2.5hrs!!) so I couldn't possibly spend the whole afternoon there. He was fashionably late for half an hour - big stars always do this, don't they! But he wasn't a let down at all, he was posing with that big grin for his fans and media. Damned one thing, I forgot my digital camera. I had to resort to the low-quality camera phone, can't say how glad I've bought this now.

Anyhow, I'm not a Jamie Oliver fan, I'm more excited to meet "famous" people in London for once since I'm here. I do watch his shows though and I thought my lil sister loved him (maybe I'm wrong)!

Horrible friday

The house. Fridge with a spoilt freezer, has a door that might fall apart anytime. Bathroom with only bath and no shower, includes a flush that still works but got stuck this morning - can't stop flushing! The house is falling apart, is it not, I reckon it needs some good renovation. I secretly wish that the owner is going to say,"Look, this is not working, that is not working. I don't know how I am allowing you girls to stay here..." I'm still thinking of the ending phrase, should he chase us out or should we stay there at a discounted rent! Hah, what do you think? I've such a restless mind making up all this crap... ooo... sometimes I thank God for that, keeps my mind occupied!

On my way to work, walking across Thames river (taking a stroll to two bus-stops ahead), I spotted him. A familiar face. Then again, I can't be sure at all, been 19 months since I last met him. 5 metres away, I was there thinking,"Oh god, is that Alex??" I was nervous but there was a possibility I have mistaken; I walked past looking down. He didn't look up either, just kept walking with something in his head! I turned around... No, I still can't be sure! Afterall, so many head shaven british does look alike. Then again, the last I known of him - he was living in the south too.

THANK U my new mate, Riyaad!! Great evening, great dinner, great company for my birthday in London, I couldn't have asked for more. Its a shame my friend here is heading out of London for work, one mate less whom can crash Camden Market again with me. Visit me sometimes eh!

High soaring

... flying swiftly like a swallow

I called home for 8 minutes. All seem to be fine and a lot more cheery than when I first left, I feel relieved. I asked my dad for a red packet (he always gives me one on my birthday every year), he said he forgot to mail it. So I get double next year ;) As usual, they're dying for my return - the usual "Don't wait till january, come back when you don't have a job or don't have enough to survive". I understand the worries of my parents but somehow I'm enjoying the distance from home. The 6000 over miles is making them accepting me, and bringing us closer at the same time. I love and miss home... I know I'll return one day, so let me fly with my own wings for a while till I'm tired... When I can no longer fly, I'll be back!


It reminds me now of my favourite song I used to sing in school:

DONNA DONNA

On a wagon bound for market
There's a calf with a mournful eye
High above him there's a swallow
Winging swiftly through the sky
How the winds are laughing,
They laugh with all their might
Laugh and laugh the whole day through
And half the summer's night
Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don
Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don
'Stop complaining' said the farmer
'Who told you a calf to be
Why don't you have wings to fly with
like the swallow, so proud and free?'
How the winds are laughing...
Calves are easily bound and slaughtered
Never know the reason why
But whoever treasures freedom
Like the swallow, has learned to fly
How the winds are laughing...

Extended birthday celebration

I'm celebrating throughout the whole 31 hours of 7 October. 24 hours of UK time plus 7 hours ahead yesterday of Singapore time. Who can have such a long birthday, ok, unless you are Singaporean in US, I'll let you win...

Three mails from Singapore. Sweet.

1. The biggest box. Its from my sister and cousin (and behalf of my mum, dad & lil sister). This one is such a pleasant surprise as I did not expect her to know exactly what I like. The first time I ever had my eyes on those toys, I never think I'll have them. Reason being I have enough "furry" animals on my bed... pig, penguin, dog, small winnie pooh, etc back home in Singapore. The second thing that fascinates me is they are made in Germany German branded. I just hope I can have the whole range of collection one day!! The appeal about this toy is its fur - so soft that it doesn't feel like a normal stuff toy. Amazing, you can be sure of this. And so... guess what I've received. A GIRAFFE!!! I actually set my eyes on the tiger... lovely strips. And there's one more, might be a leopard if I'm not wrong. There it goes, my collection will start...

Let me share another cute thing about these animals, they have a belly button/navel... awww. Now he is sleeping with me!!

2. The smaller box - from my Rabbit-florian. Two mini-CDs of songs, I'm wondering why you chose them (if you happen to read this!)... A tiny piggy that doesn't look like you, but still it will hang there on my bag. Banana-choco pocky, like a replicate of that banana coated chocolates I gave you. The loveliest of all, a handwritten letter, I love letters!!

3. A bubble-wrap protected package. Signed off by the remaining Fab3, BS and Peilin, nice to know I'm not forgotten.. he he he. A very pretty red handmade "weird size" photo frame (and photos of the farewell - thanks for that) with two glow-in-the-dark sheeps. Bonus: lot of tissues!! Very much appreciated, angela and girls and "pa"...

Handy tissues to come along, Angela. I was actually spending an hour or two on my bed going through everything last night, it was emotional somehow. For the first time in near two months, I cried for the genuine thoughts from everyone back home. Yes, I miss all of you too!!

Enough of the presents and emotional speech... I know all of you are wondering how I will spend the birthday here. Surprise, I'm not into clubbing (ya, like you know), I only do that with my close friends. Shops are closing 7-8pm, no self-pampering shopping too. Another crucial point, I haven't get my first salary. So... Okay, ahh, I've been making a big round to the actual answer.. I was going to spend it at home, in my room watching some TV. Sad, huh! Fortunately no! A friend of mine (south african) decided he can help me by spending it with me, just a simple dinner - not sure whereabout. I'm supposed to pick the place, I've no idea about good food here :S Whatever it is, this is going to be a different birthday ultimately...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF, I HATE TO BE 23!! BUT I'M PROUD TO BE NOW.

note: listings are made according to package size and not order of preference!!
p.s: Angela, is it colorful enough??

It's not our fault, it's you - androgen!!

Useful information for those prone to "naughty hormones"... ok, I mean red, big, ugly acnes!! I came across this article on MSN, and I'd like to share with you - if you are/were also a victim of these horrible monsters. Read more...

quack quackkk II

"quack quack quack"

Did you hear it again?? Yes, lovely duck for lunch again. I'll never say "NO" to a roast duck meal ever in London. I turned them down in Singapore because I was sick of chicken, pork and duck. Maybe another thing I wouldn't reject here is rice - white, yellow, fried or whatever. All right, let me tell you what's on my menu today: Roast Duck Leg with Dauphinoise Potato & Cabbage.

Can you resist that?

Maybe you can, but I'm too desperate for duck meat... Creamy melty cheesy potato was getting me down a bit, but crispy duck is just fantastic! It was too much for a lunch, 150% portion of what I normally have. No dinner again, or maybe just soup with brown bread roll.

Friend. Book. Food.

Mr. Bobby. I had a friend whom came over to London and we hooked up for a drink and dinner last evening. Such a nice feeling when you see someone you knew/know! He's a British working in Singapore; I'm Singaporean working in London. Somehow it sounds amusing...

Another thing that drives me mad in London is books!! I can never find so many books on ARTS back home. Fine arts, animation, graphic design, photography, sculptures, icons, multimedia, photography, erotica; anything you name it - you find it! I wish I can own a library here, I want to stock up a huge collection only if I can bring them home. Or well, I don't know how I can carry them along... Air freight??

I'm a sucker for sweet things since I came over. I wasn't much of one in Singapore. But here the Maltesers and Haribo got my sweet tooth started... argghh. I just "spanked" my hands from getting two packets of Haribo earlier (just because they are 2 for £1.50, I should still look after my TEETH right!).

Smell them...

Something fishy about the feet...

I just can't stop shopping for socks over here. Big, daring bold colors. Cute. Girlish. Lacy. Hold-ups. Tights. Fish-net. Flowery. Novelty. Knee length. Ankle. Black. Silky. Toe-less. Warmer. Nylon. Cotton. They just got me hooked; I'm not crazy about clothes (Zara, Mango, Next, Kookai, Dorothy Perkins, Warehouse, Topshop, Karen Miller, Monsoon, Urban Outfitters, etc...), I just don't care about those. But socks.... I don't stop looking...

3 pairs now and counting...!!

Brit's thumbs up

I've said so many disappointing things about London, I reckon it's fair enough to mention a few good things!!!

(1) First and foremost, there isn't an annual income limit to own a credit card. Yeah!!! So make sure you can afford one if you want one here, its free but not recommended to apply for one just for the sake of owning one. Actually I don't need one, I wanted to have a Visa (in case for emergency) because all my cards are Master Card debit. But then they gave me another Master Card :( Visa Platinum only for future upgrading, but whatever.

(2) You can get a decent Italian meal for £5, at least they are really Italian!! Many wide choices of food, e.g. the chef in my office restaurant plans a weekly menu ranging from Italian, Spanish, English, to whatever else. Well, you get all variety in Singapore too I have to admit, best for Asian food. But London's a good mix for European food! Besides cheap yogurt, many kinds of chocolates, and cheap pizza (for oven but good enough), best is I can get my Haribo gummy. Fruits are not cheap but reasonable!

(3) Cosmopolitan city

(4) Most/all public toilets are free to enter and supply toilet roll (no 10 cents entry or 20 cents for toilet paper)

(5) Seasonal weather, I seem to like it!


Wait till I find more...

Man can cook III

The answer: if you'd like men that can cook - go for Koreans. Asian men with single eyelids. Men you drool over watching Korean drama. As good-looking as you can get. Seriously, I mean they do cook. I reckon a lot more than men back home or even in London. That's a hearsay from the people I met. But you'll find out when you meet some...

I'm a vivid food lover. So I need to date men who can cook... Not Koreans for me when I have already grabbed one whom can do the job. *wink* So u better do some lecker food, I'm waiting!! And wait, I'm brushing up my skills - I just need a kitchen to practice.

Arghh... time to pay another week's rent tomorrow - money seems to go fast but doesn't come fast!

End of summer & September

For the first time in London, I feel that time is going fast... Yippee...

Counting my fingers, I am here for six bloody weeks. Do I sound rude?? I hope not. I guess "fuck", "bloody", "ass" is very common in the British language here. He he. Yes, its October soon.

To imagine turning 23 in less than ten days, I was still hoping I can tell everyone I am only 22 for a longer period of time. That's still feasible for a week I guess. I dare not hope of any celebration here even though I already knew I'll get some mails from Singapore. Very sweet, I'm so looking forward to it!

Though I still hate the Britain's inefficiency and the expensive crappy transport system, I'm beginning to get used to it - to live in a way less perfect place than Singapore. I've to accept their shortcomings in order to like it here - like I've to accept the new room as well.

It is funny to say how much I hope to move out. But once I'm back home, after a "difficult" time showering with the bath, I couldn't care less about all the faults in the house. I'm mostly feeling too cosy in the bed for some read or playing with my ibook. Still, I'm open to the options of moving out... whenever I get something better :)

When you think you'd like to live in the 80s

I'm fucked with myself...

Now I don't like the room that much, my plan is stay for 2 weeks and look elsewhere. No shower head, no broadband, half working fridge, half working tv, spongy mattress with bad support, and dirty carpet. Ok, I did like it in the first place because of the decor. But when it really comes to living there and knowing what's working and what's not, where is my 100pds going...? Just for a bed?? Or a place to sleep?? I really don't know. I just need at least a decent internet connection so I won't be so......... bored on weekends. Well at least there's so much I can do if I'm online.

Oh, I forgot to add... no washing machine!

Moving in tears...

Don't cry for me, I told the sky...

I look at the droplets on the window, can't help but feel that the weather is as blue as I was last night. For another time, I cried for the fear of the unknown. The change. A move from a familiar and trusted place to one I'm totally new to. I've to start from the scratch, to build that sense of belonging to the new environment (living in another part of London), trusting the people I'm going to share with and having a room that now I can proudly say my own. Yes, its bloody 100 pounds per week. Its so beautifully decorated, that it never crossed my mind how much I was going to pay for. I want to live in there! Somewhere I can never imagine I'd have found, somewhere I doubt there's hardly a second one. Its so **RETRO*... No, seriously... furnitures back in 80s or 70s, photographs plastered walls, not perfect but so much warmth about it. It's like living in a gallery :)

At the same time, I want to go to Germany earlier...

Life without internet

Lucky or unluckily... I found my own room!!!

I've decided to move in over the weekend, and so my life without internet is going to start. Not that much difference as I still can check emails and blog at work (for the moment). Just no more MSN... sigh! Or other surfing as and when I like it at home. One Czech girl, one polish girl, me and one old English man (owner of the house). Funky cool flat with my superb size bedroom space, I can't be more pleased that that bitch took that room now!! Kekek, I'm so mean.

Hope new life in houseshare is more than fun :)

p/s: Will miss all of you online!! Till I find some solution ok.

I am insecure

Somehow helplessly deep inside, there is this insecurity... and I feel it growing - like a tumor. Maliciously. I'm afraid it might destroy me, or everything else I have now.

It's an awful terrorization of the mind, repressing the good feelings; ruining the optimism; infesting the brain and soul slowly. It has carefully implanted itself, and the only solution now is constant reassurance.

I'm homeless, I can't find that sense of belonging for as long as I can't get myself a decent room (flatshare) over here. My office is the only place I look forward to daily to occupy myself, yet it doesn't make me feel safe enough. I'm only here temporarily after all. I've to find a place that constantly need me in demand, give me a sense of achievement, provide me with stable financial support.

In relationship: the more effort I put in, the more insecure I begin to feel. My expectation grows and my greed for affection escalates to this exaggerating level, I feel like locking myself away. I'm too sensitive. Everything affects me, I'm sick of feeling way too much. I'm tired of knowing too much. I'm slowly losing that sense of self-worth I used to possess...

And I just don't want to be one of the depressing people in cold gloomy London in winter!!

Mir ist in Angst...

Yellow fruits

Pineapple (salad bar at lunch), banana (after lunch)...

Come to think of my favourite fruits, I can't help noticing their color similarity. First on the list, banana (but I only go for a certain type of banana). Pineapple, next (I've to praise the ones in Bangkok). Mango. Durian, bitter-sweet please (at least the flesh is yellow). Grapefruit (sometimes they are yellow isn't it). Dried guava (heh, these are yellow). Buttered corn... mmm... mashed potato... cheesecake... arr.. I'm now going too far. Enough of food.

I need some sleep!!

Food mess

My lunch was an absolute nightmare...

The office's restaurant menu is boring, it is the repetitive of last week's. It was then I decided I should venture out to the nearby sandwiches' stores, hopefully grabbing some cheaper and yummy food. I went to 3, ended up getting extra bananas to add to my sandwich from the famous Pret A Manger. I set my eyes on one, mmm... yummiii.. Turkey, bacon and cranberry. Without any hesitation, I just fished one from the tray and paid.

I returned to my desk, pretty satisfied with my purchase. To my horror, it was the wrong one. Blue cheese, walnut and grape. Fine, this sounds nice too... but, but, but... I HATE BLUE CHEESE!!! It was too late to do any exchange (they didn't state its not exchangeable, but I want to save all the trouble). So I gathered the courage and kept gobbling (not that I'm greedy for it, its that speed), you can probably imagine that torture on my face with every bite. I almost puked, I just had to scrap those blue cheese off the other half of sandwich. But believe me, I bet I need more food later to overcome my mental stress over this lunch!!

I had to rinse with 2 packets of apple juice, imagine this... ooo...

I wonder if I'm down on luck this week, one of the rooms I fancied is just taken by some other bitch!! Well, whatever, it doesn't upset me that I don't get that room, it is the reason that I can't move out sooner that is frustrating...

To defecate

I wanted to use the word "shit" but it sounds rude and dirty. Anyway I'm using it now, am I not!

Alright, I guess my digestive system works very well over here. My dinner the day before has already became waste (well, i assume its that dinner), "gross"... are you thinking of that? Sorry, if you haven't had dinner or just about to eat - hope you read this at the right time. Anyway I was going to say, I had four defecations since (ok, shitting, grrr.. I feel so ashamed to use that word!), impressive - it shows how much I've eaten. I felt so guilty, yet when its out now... it certainly makes me feel "lighter". Or way happier... This goes to show how women psychology works for self-comforting. Heheh.

Sweet as fudge

I am very happy today, it is probably one of the happiest days I have over here - so far.

The day started very badly with clumsy me not realizing one of the "easy-access to central london" train is not working on Sunday, and I actually was supposed to get the 0900 train to Cambridge. By 0826 I was still in my neighbourhood waiting for a damned bus. Ok. Picture this, I'm in zone 3, end of the west, and I have to get into zone 1 (north-east) in like 30 minutes. That is impossible. I began to panic and texted my companion about how late and fucked up I was.

I arrived Kings' Cross at 0910. The train would actually be departing at 0915, it gave me some consolation but not much. I got there, and geezz... where is that freaking place I'm supposed to take the train?!!? It has like 3-4 different lines at the station and many exits. After asking around, I finally ran my way to the right spot, found my friend and we dashed across like over 300m to the whistling train (p/s: I haven't had any breakfast!!). Just 0914 and few seconds to the departure time, we sat there nearly breathless. What a relief!!

Guess what... My friend actually told me there's no specific timing for the ticket, we could have actually taken the next one. Fuck, I felt like punching him (ok, not the violent kind). But it was a good morning exercise I reckon.

CAMBRIDGE

Peaceful. Quiet. Not as pretty as I thought. It is a lovely place, very relaxed. No rushing commuters, no fucked up transport system, no dirty and badly disfigured walls or houses, no litters or black chewing gum stains on the ground, typical traditional english hometown; it did actually impress me a bit. Not much, but a little. It's perfect for a family stay. It didn't have too much around, except over 20 colleges/universities and quite a number of churches, a few museums. It has a few parks (mini-hyde-park). And I love the sight where the houses were beautifully covered with hanging red-greeny leaves... magnificent :)

I broke the record of the most expensive meal I had again. It was £6.25. Pizza hut - 3 courses at £8.60 plus re-fillable pepsi max. However this is well-spent. Compared to that amount I had on shitty chinatown food. I wanted to puke.. ahh so much to eat. I actually had a whole individual pan of pizza, 7 mini wings, and a chocolate fudge cake. Oh, didn't I say I've to stop feeding myself too much... man, that really slipped off my mind!! It was nice company as I invited another friend to join at dinner, so 3 of us seem to be getting along just great.

I had a great laugh, finally...

The evil glow

Paranoid, sensitive, dominant or possessive...

I'm learning a lot more about myself in this month I have been here. Can you imagine, its almost a month now?! I have overcame crying over the greatly missed ones, getting rid of some weird street stalkers, sorting out my life here all alone (well, almost), staying indoor or walking in the city alone (now I meet more people) and most of all also I have been getting serious at what I do at work.

On the other side of the world, I'm coping with the sickness of having a loved one thousands of miles away. It is hard, believe me. I never knew that it could actually made an emotional person like me, even more fragile and almost breakable. I'm not usually an attention seeker, but I suppose I'm more the affection seeker. When I don't get any, it makes me miserable and I have to make (you) miserable as well. Where (you) applies to someone. I am not possessive as I don't enjoy being possessed by anyone all time. Call me dominant, it doesn't sound right either. I guess I need TLC (tender loving care) - like you, Xiuling! I'm just another woman I assume - is this normal??

Assure me, I don't want to feel like an emotionally unstable patient.

Schwein, ich hoffen um Verständnis werben!

Oink!!

"Don't be a pig..."

I've to stop eating too much; I can't help myself. Recent weeks, I had been doing the full lunch and light dinner regime. This week, it didn't seem to work that well. I am always having more than a bite for the evening. This is scaring me. It's not that my weight has increased tremendously which I do not think so yet. However, it is making me feel bad - about my well being. Arghh, girls are girls. Too conscious whether you gain a pound or even just 100g. Am I right??

Let's put today for a good example.
Breakfast: 3 Small-medium cookies & Orange juice
Lunch: Roast Beef with Roast Potato, Yorkshire Pudding, Cabbage & Fresh Horseradish
In-between lunch-dinner: Orange juice; Chocolate swiss Roll; Sweet nougat-like slice (which someone offered me, already rejected another huge butter cookie); Marks & Spencer cow gummies (just a couple)
Dinner-to-be: Chocolate banana muffin (hopefully not more!)

Hows that? Usually back home, I'll grab a mini lightly salted chips for the night :) Greedy greedy. Now I feel my button in the pants trying to push the tummy away, "you're squeezing me too hard"!! Stop eating junks. I tend to buy more chocolates n sweets over here, just spoiled for choices really. Singapore has such a small variety and so uninteresting. Mmm I can't complain about Singapore because thats why people over them are so much slimmer!! Right!!

I'll try to ermm... stop feeding myself too much, okay :)

quack quackkk

The restaurant in the office is spoiling me, in fact, it has encouraged me not to cook my own meals. I always have such a fabulous and filling lunch, in the evening I just make do with a muffin or yogurt or salad. Oh everyday I look forward to come to work, because of the food. It's not that I don't enjoy what I do at work, but yes lunch is first on the list.

I had a nearly 5 pounds meal in Chinatown on Sunday again, but it couldn't even match up to the standard of a 2 pounds Marks & Spencer sandwich. I hate Chinatown food, crap! I wanted to get some mooncakes to go through a "alone-in-London" mid-autumn, but look at the prices and you can't even bear to eat them.

French; North African; South African; UK-borned-Honkie. 4 new friends I met outside work. Not that great, not that many, but I can see it growing. Colleagues are still better :)

Back to the title. Yes, no duck rice. Fine, I have something even much better today at half that price. Honey & Orange Glazed Duck Leg with Boulangere Potato & Broccoli.

Wahahaha...

I finally unlocked my new phone from the damned freaking network - vodafone!! Ho ho ho... I'm so happy.

Ok, I paid 20 pounds for that. 20 pounds for nothing but it made me screaming now. "It has regained its freedom, congratulations, my phone!"

EMI wowee

Days seem to pass quick with at least 8 hours out of the house... or well, in front of another monitor at work. I always wonder how long I will be there... EMI has a very cool office, I guess I should say a building. There's 5 levels plus a ground. A perfect and affordable cafe for the staffs, that serves breakfast to lunch and drinks after office hours. Cool people everywhere... I always see different people at lunch time. Even though today I haven't met anyone new. I guess people have noticed I'm new. I'm starting to enjoy the work here, I can't say it's better than Singapore. But it does feel good. I like the environment, the people I work together with, and even though I can't chat at work - time still flies. Amazing eh??

I have to say I get along pretty well with one of the new colleagues I met at work. Not in the sense that we hit it off in many ways, but we are at the same frequency. Yeah, maybe being around the same age makes it easy, ah, I'm younger of course. What more - He has the mobile phone I've always been dreaming of!!! K700i!!!!

The first thing I arrive at the office is to surf the intranet and check the lunch menu! Ha ha ha, sounds like a hungry ghost... but that's the only time I look forward to. Lunch and chit chat. Working is fine, just that I do not have to use my mouth that much, ya understand?

*A pat on the back*

I need to praise myself...

Leaving my loved ones behind... I haven't thought of myself as being selfish, because I've considered all the factors encouraging and supporting my decision beforehand. I always thought I was so strong, but the day I left, I cried so bad. Now I've to say that I do think I am strong...

I'm independent. I have the courage to follow my dream. I can take care of myself. I enjoy my loneliness. I'm taking more initiatives. I can handle my emotions better. I'm doing everything by myself!! I love this life, I can't say how grateful I feel that I have flown here... It's picking up slow, but definitely going somewhere. I know I'll be much a wiser person when I return home.

Wait for me, my friends :)

I miss you, duck!

Walking in Piccadilly Circus at 8pm made me felt like I am in a dream. Was it because its the first time in the two weeks that I was out this late in the city - central London? Or perhaps it feels kind of refreshing to be back here. It was the most frequent place I visited last year when I stepped my foot in London. It was not at all crowded, but there was a street performance going on and people surrounded the centre of Piccadilly.

I had the most expensive dinner tonight. I just wanted to let go and not think of the conversion rate, ha ha ha. I walked down Soho - Chinatown, in hope of looking for some cheap Chinese food. Now, don't ever think Chinese food are always cheap. It's even more costly than the KFC, BK, Fish & Chips or even Pizza Hut. My dream of eating roast duck rice was ruined, it costs almost 10 times more than what we have in Singapore. Consider yourself lucky now if you're eating char siew or duck rice back home. They sell like £6-8 for just a plate of duck rice, imagine... I opted for the cheaper Chinese buffet at £5. At least it was a buffet and I had like 3 servings (not that much really with each).

Now I love my mum's curry chicken. The curry chicken here just tastes funny! Yes, funny...

Is this my dream...

Quoting this from my buddy's blog... 
p.s: u'll need chinese encoding to read the lyrics!

"It's been about 2 weeks since Trixy left for London to embark on her holiday maker dream. Time flies fast. I'm still trying to believe that she's really over there in the UK already. We still get to msn each other rather often still since she's currently putting up at a friend's place for the time being. But thanks to her I finally got the answer to my marks and spencers smoked salmon sandwich. Shall think about that when I have the chance to visit the cold storage or super market.

Gonna pinch myself. Okay, I ain't dreaming. She's really there. Tsk tsk...

As I was saying, I'm still trying to believe she's really over there now. I remembered the day we went to send her off at the airport. Suddenly I seemed so heartless, my eyes wouldn't shed a single tear during our farewell. Amongst the Fab4, Syndy was the first to cry. At the gate, I could see Trixy's parents and elder sister tearing. Trixy too along with Syndy and even Lisi. Only I did not cried. I really wonder why too. How I wish I could. Perhaps I was happy for Trixy and maybe a little envy, hence I felt there wasn't a need for tears under such circumstances. Glad for her that she's flying off to start off a new chapter in her life. But I wrote her a letter that's to be read on the plane. In it I mentioned about one of JJ's song, 翅膀 [wings]. I wanted to dedicate that song to Trixy not because it's by JJ , but for it's words and meaning. Hope it can be a sorta motivation for her whenever she's feeling down or lonely there.

The song was written when JJ [think so] was feeling down in Taiwan, thinking about his ex-gal. Unfortunately JJ borke off with his gal as he had to fly off to Taiwan to become a singer. [Hope I did a good enough translation of the lyrics]

翅膀 - wings

同样的机场 不同世界 - the same airport yet different worlds
同样的咖啡 不同味觉 - the same coffee yet different tastes
同样的我和我 都少了一些 - the same me and I, seem lacking a little something
看飞机划过天空 不见了 - the plane flew past, disappearing into the sky
用你给我的翅膀飞 - I'm flying with the wings you gave me
我懂这不是伤悲 再高都不会累 - I know that this isn't saddness, it won't tire me out no matter how high I soar
我们都说好了 用你给我的翅膀飞 - we've agreed, to fly with the wings you gave me
我感觉己够安慰 乌云也不再多 - I'm comforted enough, gloomy clouds no longer seem that much
我们也不为谁掉眼泪 - we won't have to shed tears for each other
空气中藏着 你的香味 - your fragrance's been hidden in the air
回忆里躲着 你的眼泪 - your tears's been hidden in the memories
最后拥抱的 温暖还有一些 - I remembered our last warm hug
我拖着行李往前 一直走 - I kept on walking ahead while dragging my luggage
看一看回忆 是云朵 一朵朵的飘过 - memories are just like clouds, floating away one by one.
若想要回头 就无法傲翔 - I won't be able to soar if I were to turn back

JJ’s case was that he had to leave his beloved to pursue his career. Whereas Trix's was to leave Singapore and loved ones in search and pursue of her dreams and to travel around Europe. Though both JJ and Trix had different reasons for leaving, but still for a same cause. i.e. Dreams~

Hope this new pair of wings will help Trix soar high towards her dreams and goals. I envy Trix [not cos of the holidaymaker thingy] who manage to discover her dreams and going ahead to realizing it, making it come true. She's chasing after it while me am still lost as ever, without any hint of where to head.

Nevertheless I'm glad that I didn't tag along with her this time, for if I do, it's her dream that I'm chasing and not mine. Although I really hope I can be a holidaymaker too, I guess it ain't the right time for me yet. I waver too much.

So here's wishing Trixy lotsa luck. Take care and have fun! Cya soon next year! Miss ya lots! *muacks*

posted Tuesday, 31 August 2004

I think I think too much

Shepherd pie and salad for dinner...

Now that I've eaten, I think that's quite a lot. Damned... I finally had rice again, at lunch time, EMI has an own canteen catering. How nice!! Always good menu, I can't help letting my eyes watered over those big sized chocolate muffins.

I met a few new people over lunch - Kim, Jessica & Dominic. I guess every lunch time I should sit at a different table so I'll get to know most people by the time I leave. Ha ha ha... It was cool, I do not speak when I eat, so I was listening to their conversation. Typical british lunch gossip :) It made me happier knowing some people at work now.

I had a short conversation with this guy who sat besides me on the way home, an englishman. Ahh, somehow I recall someone telling me that it's hard to find an englishman here as there's more other nationalities than the local in london. It wouldn't be bad that I'm sitting next to a few now eh.

And on my way home, walking alone, it always reminds me of people back home... I wonder how they are doing. I hope my parents are getting used to the idea that I'm here and trying to live a life of my own for a bit and not worry about bad things going to happen! I wonder how my friends are doing, still enjoying unemployed life?? I wonder how my sister is doing in school, has she learnt to cook some steak fillet?? I also wonder what is rabbit doing on a typical Friday night??

Chheeezzz.. I can't believe my luck in getting a room, that bad!

Trying luck finding luck

I saw David Beckham sleeping, yes in National Portrait Gallery! Well, its just a video/picture, but its him...

I picked a penny on the ground. Is it a lucky penny??

Today, 2nd September, I started the first day with my job. Not full time, just freelance. It might end soon, it's only the beginning and I'm already foreseeing how fast it is going to come to an end. Sad, can I take things a bit slower?? Grant me the wish please!!

First day of everything is always exciting and boring at the same time; excited to meet new people but boring because everything for you is not been set up yet. I did try to do some work, yeah, remember I'm paid hourly so I better do something to see my money coming in... At 5.15pm, 8 hours after I stepped in... I called the day off. How long can I stay on the first day? How much can I do on the first day? I reckon, it should be short and sweet. Tomorrow, I hope I find myself occupied for the 8 hours.

Rabbit called me, I was obviously delighted because someone cares about my first day at work as well. It is always nice to hear from the loved ones, it makes me feel so much at home :)

Don't end, summer

Suddenly I started to wonder why I'm here!!!

I shouldn't lead a life like what I used to do back in Singapore. That will be meaningless. Spending all the money here and flying here for the wrong reason. I've to get back in track, my dream of travelling. Maybe it is now too soon to begin another new journey when I'm not even settled here for the 2 weeks. Again, I should be more patient and take it slow, shouldn't I? Life in london has yet to begin, yet to party, yet to make those ground thumping! It is an extended holiday and I have to live it like one :)

I get picky about seeing hairs lying on the floor...

Yes, my hair, not that I mind them dropping. I just can't stand the sight. Sometimes I see myself enjoying picking up the strands and carefully dropped them in the bin.

My itchy feet has started again. Mmmmm.

Not the athlete foot. Wanderlust. I went to EMI (Music) for some project fee negotiation, heh, better not talk about it! I hope I'll have some money coming into my pocket, even if its not a lot! Kekek.. I walked about the south of london, took trains to different places and wandered around like a lost soul. In fact, it is interesting. I want to see different places and think about where I shall find my new room. I kind of like west and south london, but only the ones with malls and supermarkets. I can't live without any stores nearby really!!

Little twink

I must amaze all of you like I've amazed myself...

When I've a tummy upset, I got Yu Yee Oil. When my spectacles are loose, I got screwdriver to tighten. When it rains, I got the umbrella. When I need to write, I've my online blog or my little notebook. When my parents miss me, I got a calling card. When my skin gets flaky, I got my moisturiser. When the ground is cold, I got cover for the feet. Ahh, Singaporean's kiasu-ness... hahah. But come to think of this, I do thank myself for being well-prepared :) Not just me, but also my thoughtful friends with all the little presents.

It's amazing I survived 2 weeks already, and I almost can't believe it. Also can't believe the fact I spent so much on food, and the fact that my bowels work so hard here! Arghh..

Long lunch

My pizza are always burnt!

I'm very impatient when it comes to many things. But I do not understand why I can be so patient when I let the pizza gets heated up in the oven. It's the second time it get burnt, the poor cheese aren't chewy anymore. Dry and flaky! :(

Yeh, my fingers smell of potatoes...

The lemon and lime concentrate is making my stomach upset. I don't know why but I love them when I was in Singapore and now it doesn't suit me anymore.