The day is today

I thought it would be easy to embrace it... but it's not. 

I am feeling the blues. I am feeling that age is not just a number. I am wondering at 30, what kind of life I want to lead in near future... Suddenly, I am not very pleased with what I was contented with. Is this an age thing or I haven't truly found what I wanted.

My job is starting to bore me especially when I feel that I am short changed by my colleagues in the UK. Why am I always helping them and no one's helping to cover my tasks? Why am I always thrown all the shit work they do not want to handle, even if its just a very simple request and require not much effort? Why am I always finishing my tasks so soon and theirs stay in there for days, even weeks when it doesn't take hours to do. Why do I always need to write emails like I'm writing to dummies? If they do not hire people with common sense, then why hire them? I stood up for myself yesterday when they threw me two more tasks, and so they took it back. They obviously could handle it. Do they think we "Asians" are more diligent and can take more "shit" without voicing out? I am not swallowing that.

Suddenly being 30, I see myself asking myself what I really want to do. I want to be doing something I enjoy, not being promised whatever that can't be met. I envision an ideal life. I see options and I see ways out to getting what I want, and this is the beginning.

So many people I know are not happy but instead of doing something, they remain stuck, give excuses and only complain. Is this a Singaporean mentality? If yes, very sadly, we're not going to achieve what we want. I visited Charmaine and Cyn last night, and the things Cyn shared hit me hard. Singaporeans are brought up in such a ruled and restricted environment, no one was taught how to use common sense, empathy, flexibility and doing something out of the way for others. I suspect it's not just a Singaporean thing, the later generation do lack the same things. I feel for her as she described the struggling experience with the medical staff here, I feel for myself and everyone else who feel the pain.

So... today is the day I shall set myself new goals and do something to achieve them.