One moment, I seemed to have found what I wanted, the next I was hesitating about it. Everything has an immediate effect on me, should I call it adverse effect? I watched a movie, at the end of it I reflected it on my life. I watched a drama on television and I did the same thing. I saw a documentary "What women want... really" on CNA, it made me want to follow instead of hanging up there swinging to and fro. I took out my bible, flipped and read a paragraph, trying very hard to apprehend what is laying beneath those words. Am I letting too many things hinder my vision, so much so that I couldn't see properly what's laying in front.
I am lost, really lost.
I had a dream. People praised me for the courage, for the life they never thought I'd have sought after. In the middle of a wondrous journey, I chose to return reluctantly. Maybe it was responsibility I have towards my home, or I didn't have much of a choice. Today, I am back here searching again for the next route to my ultimate happiness. No one else can find it, except myself.
Think about this - how much are you willingly to sacrifice for your own happiness, for your own dream?? I am curious how many people chose to give up love and family for their own good. Is this self-centered or is it righteous all of us have our own freedom to make a selfish decision? Is it a blessing to be just a commoner, no big dreams, no big money... just you and me, family and friends, and just enough money to feed those mouths?? Yet many of my friends have chosen the normal lives, and they seem to be satisfied with it.
I have no idea, I spend so much time figuring it out, often ending up more confused. My future is this distorted image or perhaps a 5000-pieces of jigsaw awaiting to be reassembled!
**** Is this a quarter-life-crisis I'm left pondering *****
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