I hate you Dad and I love you

Every household has its own problem. I have friends whom totally love their parents, friends whom also detest their parents and many like me, a love-hate relationship. It seems to be normal. Can anyone tell me? Have I already said these before? 

I envy the western cultures where kids move out at eighteen or for college, I think somehow the living apart helps to better the relationship. Because parents will always be parents, they want to mother you no matter how old you get. They always assume those responsibilities that tend to make them overprotective, controlling and in fact they seem to want you to live the life they would like you to have (not having it your way!).

For over 30 years, they never seem to ask me what is it in life that I want? They never seem to want to know but always reckon that we should act like the way they were children to their parents (my grandparents). Back then, they had to earn to support the expanding family and to ensure the younger ones could attend school. Dear mother, those centuries are over!

Is it just my parents, or are yours the same?

10 years ago, my dad got retrenched and has since been sitting at home. He was only 55, 10 years shy of the retirement age (and now 12 with the new regulations). He just never thought of working or supporting the family again. It was a huge blow that never seems to have recovered. My elder sister was then 24 and the youngest was still in school. I was stranded in UK on my working visa, trying to find that independence that I never had back in Singapore. My mum has always been a housewife, and she struggled to find work despite her poor health. That old man never stood up again, not for us, and not even for himself. He lost not only himself, but his authority and all of our respect for him. It is difficult to look at a father figure whom was once your role model but now succumbed to someone whom has practically nothing. That quote "I started off with nothing, and I still have most of it", it describes him quite perfectly.

Emotionally he's a cripple, he has almost no friends, no social life and his self esteem seems to have abandoned him as well. I don't remember how all of us survived the 10 years without a fatherly figure, but we did. If you ask me if I hate him, yes I do. If you ask if I love him, the answer is the same too.