I found the best way to conquer the fear is to face it. Sometimes we used distraction, avoidance or simply try to shelve them in our shadows. But the only way is probably a head-on collision with your fear.
I first experimented it with the negative feelings. Hurt, grief and anger. I allowed them to overwhelm me. I realised the first couple of weeks of avoiding only made things worse, they could roll into a huge explosive. As I let them in, they showed me how strong I actually am. They made me see that fear is only a restriction and obstacle I set upon myself. I faced them, I constantly reminded myself by revisiting the memories. It hurt lesser than I thought and sped up the grieving process.
My second experiment was swimming in the lap pool. I had a drowning incident once in Krabi, also a failed swimming test in this same pool. I almost never allowed myself to swim in a pool my feet wouldn't touch the ground. I have contemplated this experiment but never had the courage to act upon it till Tuesday. The other pool was packed and so I got into the lap pool. My plan was to swim along the shallow edges but realised in this pool, we had to do laps. Then I had fears. Fear that I would not have the energy to get to the other end; fear that half way there I would be panicking; fear that I might have a cramp and start sinking. Many negative scenarios. Then I thought about those laps I did on the 1.2m pool all the time, I managed laps with ease. So I told myself not to think about the 1.8m depth, I assured myself I wouldn't be stopping halfway thus I wouldn't even need to feel the ground. Off I went and I managed 4 laps, of course wasting a lot more energy fearing than the actual physical activity! But I did it. I faced it and I know I can do it again.
Life always brings us challenges and sometimes the best way to tackle it is to take up the challenge. You don't have to win, you just have to do your best.
Added on 8 Nov 13: I have just been reading up on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and realised this tactic is actually a behavourial experiment used to tackle NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts).
I first experimented it with the negative feelings. Hurt, grief and anger. I allowed them to overwhelm me. I realised the first couple of weeks of avoiding only made things worse, they could roll into a huge explosive. As I let them in, they showed me how strong I actually am. They made me see that fear is only a restriction and obstacle I set upon myself. I faced them, I constantly reminded myself by revisiting the memories. It hurt lesser than I thought and sped up the grieving process.
My second experiment was swimming in the lap pool. I had a drowning incident once in Krabi, also a failed swimming test in this same pool. I almost never allowed myself to swim in a pool my feet wouldn't touch the ground. I have contemplated this experiment but never had the courage to act upon it till Tuesday. The other pool was packed and so I got into the lap pool. My plan was to swim along the shallow edges but realised in this pool, we had to do laps. Then I had fears. Fear that I would not have the energy to get to the other end; fear that half way there I would be panicking; fear that I might have a cramp and start sinking. Many negative scenarios. Then I thought about those laps I did on the 1.2m pool all the time, I managed laps with ease. So I told myself not to think about the 1.8m depth, I assured myself I wouldn't be stopping halfway thus I wouldn't even need to feel the ground. Off I went and I managed 4 laps, of course wasting a lot more energy fearing than the actual physical activity! But I did it. I faced it and I know I can do it again.
Life always brings us challenges and sometimes the best way to tackle it is to take up the challenge. You don't have to win, you just have to do your best.
Added on 8 Nov 13: I have just been reading up on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and realised this tactic is actually a behavourial experiment used to tackle NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts).
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