Not the same anymore

Time changes us, time changes everything...

It heals us, it wises us up, it ages us, it makes us realise...

Months ago, I felt emotionally stirred looking at his picture... Now I feel nauseous. Good or bad? I think it's a good sign. Time doesn't solve problems but it makes us look back and feel somewhat relieved. I don't know why too, perhaps they are telling us that everything that has happened are meant to.

That feeling no longer lingers inside me. It has dissolved, like a spoonful of honey circled into the mug of boiling water. It slowly warms me up as the sweetness slides down my throat.

...

I re- read some entries I wrote years ago and am amazed how different they are from what I am writing nowadays. I used to express my feelings more openly, and my affection. Today I am more guarded, more protective and probably more cautious of whatever I am posting on here (to the public). I definitely see myself growing up from all these years of blogging. Seasoned already.

...

Some things I picked up never change though:

1. Recycling every possible things
Sometimes my parents (and sisters) just don't understand why I am doing this, and they simply don't see how I have picked this up back in Germany. But now they are being influenced after my constant years of chucking them in the yellow recycling bags. I occasionally still pick things up from the bins to put them in the bags!

2. My favourite soft drink is Diet Coke
I used to dislike it but it's now my top few choices.

3. I still take pictures of anything & everything that caught my fancy
It's just me.

4. I enjoy taking risks and live an unpredictable life
It has began at age 22.

5. I have a love-hate relationship with my home country
I love it because I grew up here, I have friends and family. I hate it because it stops me from the life I want to seek because of obligations & responsibilities. I hate restrictions, rules and people whom call me selfish just because they are selfish (by inducing guilt when I want to pursue my independence).

6. I put my family first for now
After so many encounters I witnessed, family no doubt is always a very important source of support at any time of your life. You may hate someone, you might not be able to show your love for someone, you might not have the perfect family... but they will always be there for you. Every single day, I feel the love from my parents through the very little things they did for me.

7. My happiness doesn't depend on another being
Unlike the past, I always thought that someone else is needed to keep me happy. Isolation is a good time to discover how contented one can be.

8. The word "shy" is almost never used on me now
A deputy director of my previous company once casually remarked that I'm a "late-bloomer" after I was crowned the "Scrabble Champion" at the company's competition. You might wonder why? Everyone was amazed when I revealed my English was a grade C at 'O' levels, I just barely passed. But over the years, I proved my worth. I wrote. I write. I keep writing. But Scrabble is not a game of language, it's strategy as well as good memory (you've to memorize the 2 lettered combinations!). English matters but not first on priority. And I think he's right. I am a late-bloomer, I gradually found myself. If you meet me now and 10 years ago, you can tell the difference.

That's all for tonight... I'm feeling uncomfortable, still nauseous perhaps. That photo obviously doesn't make me feel good :p