What is home??

Is everyone out there, away from home, supposed to be thinking of home?? Missing home?? Should we be getting all the warm fuzzy nice feelings when you think of where you belong to...??

I am having doubts about how I should feel. So does a lot of people I see around me. People who don't miss home, is there a problem with them, or with their home?? Do they not want to return; do they fear to be going back? I think I am beginning to dread of the idea of going home once again.

Love. Parents. Siblings. The flat. My bed. My tarot cards. My book collection. My... I can't think of any more things. Aren't they supposed to be lovely?? But all I get is a lot of pressure about returning home, about a huge responsibility to carry, and that horrible life of being stuck in Singapore forever!! It is not that Singapore is not the place for me, I can imagine myself there... but not being burdened with responsibilities towards my home for the rest of my life.

I can't possibly imagine my dad retiring at 56 and sits at home for the rest of his life, not going out. I do not want to think of my mum playing mahjong for the rest of her life. My sisters and me, will be earning hardly enough to pay for ourselves and everyone's expenses. And to do that for the rest of my life, no way! I want to support them, so does every children... but not the idea of "leeching" and totally dependent on us to survive. I can't imagine.

Is it me, or is it cultures?? Is Singapore really like this - so traditional, so close-minded!! Or is that just my family?? It is horrible to say so, but I don't look forward to life back in Singapore again! Not anymore...