Discharged

*Thanks for those whom have shared my worries... The ibook has recovered!*

Why we argue?

I am reading this psychological book revolving around arguments between couples. Okay, I didn't get this because I was seeking for some help on my relationship. In fact, the title captured my attention for a longer than three-seconds span and so I decided to add to my borrowing list.

I've only read the first two chapters but on a busy day like today (I'm a quick reader I think). It's describing about scenarios where partner blames each other for a specific arising quarrel. All just because of our "preconception" (you might want to look this up in a "medical" dictionary?). Why do some couples fight so often, argue so much or feel so miserable in a relationship?? (I feel like a psychologist now!!)

Most of the time, they come from within - emotions. There is no right or wrong in most situations, because each of us look at a particular thing in our own perception. We make our assumption, accusation and conclusion - with our own mindset of course. So how often are we right?? When we start pointing finger, we didn't consider how we could have directed that negative feeling (frustration, anxiety, sadness, etc) into something more constructive. And of course, it takes two hands to clap.

Coming back to me, I don't think I want to elaborate on my own experiences. But these did happen, and today we have resolved that without this book. I'm pretty eager to finish reading, I wonder if my little childhood ambition of becoming a psychologist would have turned me into one if I followed that dream.

And to me, divorce is not a loss of love and feelings but instead the inability to cope with the rising conflicts and his/her poor problem-solving skills. I can't say much on this, until maybe I first understand the meaning of a marriage. Or maybe just let me finish the book and I'll see if I change this perception :))

The ibook is hospitalised

Ya this sucks!!

How could this happen to me!! WTF!! Seriously, nothing good has happened to me just yet this damned Rooster year, which claimed to be our year. More a bad luck year!

On a evening out with friends, my ibook met a tragic accident. Guess what?? It has a coffee shower! Coffee spill! Are u gasping in shock the minute you read this?? My good mate accidentally knocked his nice chilled latte over my precious ibook. I have it for slightly over 3 years, no big disaster has befallen on this baby, nothing big! And then it has to happen... somehow, someday, sometime...

I have no control over this, to shield this little white thing from danger. "He" has been sent to the Apple Care Hospital now, and I start to miss his presence. I want "him" back!

Deutschland, here I come!

Talking about Germany in early Spring, I can't help feeling more anxious than the trip next to London. London, you've to be behind the queue, sorry.

This time, I'm going to have a to-do-list...
- feed the ducks in the park
- drink red wine (yeah!! no one here drinks with me!)
- eat sausage with mustard (this one either!!)
- bowling, badminton or even squash
- pick strawberries
- try to eat Flo's grown pineapple
- party more, play pool (yes late nights out!)
- Xbox, maybe

Doesn't sound too much or too exciting to you??? Afterall, what do you expect to do in a little town and a little time :))) I'll think of more then.

Mouldy Monday

Sometimes I really doubt the accuracy of the American dictionary inbuilt in my outlook, why does it take the "u" out of most words and legalize "z" instead of "s" in many words... Can someone explain???

A Monday no better than the other one, yes, the previous Monday. Horrible horrible weather. I crawled out of bed reluctantly to face the sky of gloominess, the gray clouds whom refused to give up their guarding post. I wished I could pull the gray blanket down as easily as I drew the curtains apart.

My nose bothered me the whole morning, like a dripping tap. It must be the weather, horrible and cold (for Singapore's standard weather)! My mood was like the sky, that bright blue optimism sinking under that suffocating gray. I was trying to relax the whole time, I did not do anything much, okay, this is getting me down now... I need to do something about this. But okay, here's the consolation, at least I was working my creative cells much more today getting up a design mock-up.

There is a little change about my design style. Not so bad actually, however I need more fine tuning to get to where I will even praise myself with a thumb-up! Sometimes I am overwhelmed by so many project ideas I can work on (with certain prospective people), but right now I just have to lock them up till I find the time to really get down to it. Just to give you an idea, like a web project for my dream cake shop, or a cultural insight of an Asian-European couple.

Coming to this, I have to book my ticket to London (and Germany) tonight, this is so nerve-wrecking!

Overflowing

Women.

Do most women have over-flowing affection, or maybe just me?? So often I find myself giving so much of what I have, to be returned with much lesser of what I can expect. I can't seem to find myself swallowing in self-pity or blaming the women's nature, but instead I hold on to the hope that one day just one man can so perfectly understand how I feel and reciprocate more often.

So much had those sweet-talking worked on me, it doesn't have that same effect anymore. I'm just a normal woman craving for so much affection!

Another Monday

I haven't had the time to cross out the 'Monday's over the past months. Today, it is a cold day! Not much rain, but wind that howled through the rustle of the leaves. The swaying and rustling somehow makes me feel that I'm living by the coast, by the sea. So breezy!

My feet went cold, it reminds me of winter when I wore socks all day long. Despite that, I had the fan on, cooling my poor feet even further. I can't explain, I just need some motion in the air!!

I've made great progress with my reading. Currently, my read is The Diary of a Young Girl - ANNE FRANK. You might have read it in your school days or it doesn't ring a bell at all? But it has got me there, the mind of a fourteen is so engaging. I'm left with a third to go, and I'll be proud to announce it's completed within a week. It is not a race against time, more of my mood for reading has returned.

In another perspective, I have seen myself more hardworking. Working hard to get things done, or at the least doing some planning, which I've been delaying for quite a while. Have to admit I hate the slow days where I had achieved nothing, I can feel I'm slowly regaining that restless energy.

Jobs did not seem favorable. An interview for freelance turned out to be something else, no full-time for me (now, here), please. Another time, I resorted to selling beer for an event, I haven't got any news on this one yet. Whether I get the job, it didn't matter too much, it is only a way of making the days go by quicker. By chance, I came across another freelance project, let's hope for the better!

I still dislike Monday, especially when it is dark, gloomy and giving me cold feet...

Fabulous 4 - Split second split

Split is such a bad word for this! But "split second" is a good consolation to go with that word, at least it means "a very short time". Yes, Fabulous 4, us girls in unison, is facing a big change in the coming months. I didn't think much of it till I was reading BS's blog and it struck on me that one of us will be feeling a whole lot more than the rest of us.

I can't describe it watching my good friend, Angela, having her holidaymaking visa approved! One, of course as a friend, I'm happy. Second, I really hope she takes this more seriously than she initially thought it to be. She sounds prepared but I can't read it from her face - the confidence, curiosity and determination! I hope in time to come, she can cope with it, not with me, but on her own. A companion in London, I can't complain much ;)

Syndy has turned baking cake into a routine! Somehow she wasn't as spontaneous as when I first met her, she has become a mystery sometimes. She's still a great to be with, with a lot of goals to fulfill, and the priorities now seem to be her mum, Japan and Canada. As her good friend, I hope everything will work out just fine for her.

How about Joy? I hope she isn't the one feeling odd one out, or left behind in Singapore. Even though she is also leaving for a short trip or two, it dawned on me that all of us are flying off at around the same time. How is it like not having the closest friends around?? I've experienced that in London, I have to admit that loneliness and those weeping. But remember, all of us are just an e-mail or phone call away!!

We'll be having lot of fun together, very soon (and this I refer to, when we have returned)!

Revived

It was more than a drizzle, I can't say it didn't dampen my mood. I hopped off the bus, made a few skips into the familiar building. I didn't manage to shield myself from the bad weather, but there was a good start. I walked past the security whom I smiled at, I remember I used to do that, it was still the same old man. He spoke, not questioning of my visit, but he recognized me. I was working in this building for 2 years, that was last June when I left. It actually felt very welcoming for someone to ask about me.

I pressed the button "6", looked at my reflection in the mirror, and for a moment I wondered about my timing of this surprising visit. Slightly past 5pm, I walked in to the reception. Surprisingly, the girls were the same and they knew me instantly. Spending a few minutes with them, this man emerged behind the wall, about to head to the restroom when he stopped by me. He was my ex-boss (ya, the idol I used to be bragging about), he was as usual, serious and charming.

It was an hour of catching up with many people I used to work with, some whom I disliked too. A few are tying knots, a few have since left, the company now contains the "essential" few but today it is so much quieter than it was. I'm not sure what was the right word to describe, these guys have been the encouraging lot that has always motivated me about my travels. They are curious and supportive, and talking to them seem to have retrieved back my lost confidence, and reassured my decision about returning.

About my parents, this time I've announced my decision, not just once but twice, thrice... They did not seem to understand, nor expect this decision. I tried to make them see that this is the kind of opportunity I will not get again if I missed it; I promise to return by winter or earlier. I hope at some point, they know life is not just about Singapore, living at home and money.

I want to be a global citizen :))

Hole in the pocket :$

What is the matter!!

I spent hundred and hundred and hundred and hundred and hundred of dollars on doctors and dentists since I am back. Yes, count those "hundreds", I can't believe that some astrological forecast long ago might be right, I'm losing money... all my hard earned money, somehow. Not earning anyway, but money has to go...

I hope money can be earned as easy as it was being spent... GOD, please.