Thank U mister

Everyday in my life, I like to thank one person in my life for making my day worthwhile, for making me look forward to the next 24 hours. It's a way I do away with my life I guess. Be it my mum, my sister, my dad, my dear friend or someone I fancy.

For that moment or even for that day, I feel special. I know I live for them. I know I matter to them. If everyone else can understand how this feels like, it makes us better appreciate people around us.

Friday
Thank you 'Heng', I'm grateful to all these time you've been remembering me & willingly to be there for me in future.

Saturday
Thank you BS, you're always here reading my blog. And for that sms you sent almost immediately.

Sunday
Thank you Paul, you've made my life seems more fruitful with someone like you making time for me.

Thank you readers :)

It's evil...

I had a bad dream.

A bad dream.

A bad dream about me crying over my rejected visa application. I was on the phone pleading with the officer about their disapproval. I appeared very persistent about it, so she finally said she'd re-consider the application again. Aww....

I haven't had the time to worry myself over this, somehow I guess it still bothers me deep inside. And it became alive in my sleep. How scary!! Its already the 16th day, and I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

Good O' friday

I like the word "gibberish" today.

I'm fuckin' later than usual today, all that runny nose and few late nights have made me lost track of counting time. I boarded the train. It is an uncommon sight to see Caucasians boarding at Tampines. I sat down. He then sat besides me.

Tall. Thin. Dark haired. Spectacles. Exactly the image I pictured in my head of an overseas undergraduate student studying in the local university or maybe just a foreign exchange student. He held a book in his hands, but not reading it, instead he was just so engrossed with all the text messaging. I caught a glimpse of the book title, something like "Chinese for better conversation" or similar. I was taken aback about some dark haired Caucasian so keen about learning mandarin! I figure he wouldn't understand much yet if I happened to speak. His phone vibrated and then I heard him spoke for the first time.

He has successfully adapted to our Singaporean slang, however still carrying a less distinctive accent of his own. He sounded like he's a Spanish, not surprising if he is. I can't help but noticed we have the same habit of looking at pretty girls whom entered the cabin. Yes, I'm straight but I tend to spend time on beautiful sights as well. I pretended to be asleep throughout the journey. When he stood up, he gave me a last look that I did not reciprocate.

I've a date tonight, actually I'm not calling it a date. It's a dinner with a friend - a friend whom I used to date. It's actually nerve-wrecking to see him again after many months, somehow I know I won't have much to say over the dinner. I'm not excited. I'm just aloof.

Somehow today I am...

Warm. Hot. Disturbed. Chatty. Hardworking. Arrogant. Focused. Happy. Exhausted. Open. Caring. Sarcastic. Sour. Calm. Suggestive. Analytical. Not bothered...

Mamee

My mother seems to be the only person who care to ask why I walk like a crippled, whom I was hanging out with (if I'm not home for dinner), skip her breakfast at home just to ensure we have enough to eat, let me jump in her Q for a shower, or buy my favorite banana home. These are some of her simple acts. Considerate and big-hearted. If I can oversee her bad gambling habit, I'll deem I've one of the best mums in this world. Well, she still is, an imperfect but one of my favorite persons in my life! I didn't understand why I feel weird today - I miss her.

Shrek 2, more hilarious than ever

YES YES!!! IT'S BACK!!!

I can't come up with another film right now more amusing and entertaining than this one. The cinema was constantly brimming with laughter, it could have drowned us if it was to turn aqueous at any moment. The irritating donkey, the shrewd pussy, the delicious gingerbread man, that silly pinnochio and the diametrical version of fairy god mother... and of course, Shrek and Fiona!

My rating: Thumbs up plus * * * * *

Slurping mr. softee

Five weeks left, I'll go end of June. My job that is. I read my crosses on the calender, the weeks ran by without a trail. Amazingly clueless. I dislike the thought of spending the last day in the office!! The packing. The farewell. The soon-to-be empty desk.

My pilates lesson has ended on Saturday. My instructor is a really nice middle-aged lady and she remembers my name - very well. I recalled one time we had a conversation after class, talking about taking up other lessons - pilates on the ball, yoga, tai-chi or combination. It was then I revealed about my leaving. I would have liked to continue it. Once she even casually teased me during the lesson, about coming back with an English boyfriend in future. I didn't take any offense, in fact I was comfortable with the sharing. Or even with the idea of how I have left an impression over the past 8 lessons. I took her number, it can be of some use when I return - who knows. I know the time (not to mention the money) has been well-spent.

The Brit Emb seems to favor my number. They rang me again - third time. I was surprised but at the same time delighted they made an effort to inform me they got my fax. One more document was still awaiting. The lucky star is shining... and now my accommodation is settled. I can't explain how relieving it is to get over these obstacles. *fingers crossed for now***

I'm infected by a hibernating bear hiding somewhere in the cold winter. I felt I'm in that same hibernating phase. My new homepage issue is on the way, yet I'm too much of a perfectionist, constantly still trying to give it another make-over. I should just slap my itching mouse-clicking finger and move forward. It always can be better, isn't it true! There isn't time left, and it is near the deadline I've set for myself. Time to charge forward... go go girl~

There it goes...

It says I'm fuckin' bored on a sunday.. ok wait, I've better things to do later on...

Message: Name the following brands of the things you have/use
1. Shampoo: Dove
2. Bags: Cheap & brandless, except one - Guess
3. TShirt: Anything that cost like £2
4. Shoes: Addidas
5. Socks: 3 for S$5
6. Toothpaste: Black man with white teeth
7. Computer: Apple
8. Wallet: Something denim
9. School Bags: No longer, unless you call a haversack - Kappas
10. Pens: Purple & 0.38mm
11. Watch: Swatch or my beloved Seiko
12. Magazines: No longer buying
13. Chocolate: Ummm Herseys, well not that I'm a fan
14. Chips: Grannysmith least I'm not easily sick of it

[In The Morning I Am] a walking zombie
[All I Need Is] a new life somewhere
[I'm Afraid of] changes
[I Dream About] myself in weird situations

[Current Mood] Restless
[Current Clothes] Fuck it
[Current Music] P10
[Current Book I`m reading] Man & Wife
[Current CD(s)] Fuck it

LAST PERSON
[You Touched] huhhh, stupid
[You Hugged] huh, u mean in bed?!

FAVORITE
[Food] Anything I cook
[Drink] Tomato
[Album] Huhhhhh
[Shoes] Boots
[Animal] Rabbit
[TV Show] Fuck it
[Fruit] Banana

ARE YOU
[Understanding] Trying
[Insecure] When in a relationship
[Interesting] If it means the same as mysterious
[Friendly] No, some tests say I'm arrogant
[Smart] Trying if I'm with smarter people
[Moody] 50% of time
[Childish] Hardly
[Independent] Trying
[Hard working] Trying
[Healthy] Trying
[Emotionally Stable] Trying
[Shy] If with people I like yeah, else most of time, I just cant be bothered to talk
[Difficult] You bet
[Attractive] Hahahahah
[Bored Easily] Can be
[Messy] Maybe
[Responsible] Maybe
[Angry] Trying not
[Trusting] Trying not

WHO DO YOU WANT TO
[Kill] Anyone who acts like a complete idiot
[Pictured your crush naked?] Who's my crush?
[Actually seen ur crush naked] Who's my crush?
[Been in love] I'm a dreamer, of cos
[Cried when someone died] I'm human, of cos

WHICH IS BETTER
[Coke or pepsi] If they are "light"
[Flowers or candy] Neither
[Tall or short] Tall
[Pink or blue] Pink but in reality I opt for blue

I want my visa

GIVE ME MY VISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Fun tests, huhhhh

My signature city - New Orleans

You've got a "big easy" way about you and an infectious energy that's impossible to ignore. No wonder people love being around you. Like your signature city, you've got a finger on the pulse of just about anything — from music, to history, to food, to culture.

You welcome new ideas like New Orleans welcomes all walks of life. You know how to have a good time as well as mix and mingle with new people. After all, what good are a great meal and an even better band if you're living in your own little world? But being the people-person that you are, you probably can't wait to share the good times and stories with friends and family who'd love to be there walking down Bourbon Street, cruising the French Quarter, or drinking a tall, cool beverage at a street-side café.

My umbrella cocktail - Margarita Chiquita

No doubt about it, you're a fun-loving mamacita. And no drink suits you better than a saucy margarita. From frozen and frothy to easy and on-the-rocks, you've always got good times on your mind, whether you're out to dance the night away, spice up a fancy dinner party, or add some flair to your knitting club.

And even when you just need a relaxing night at home, you can always find a way to keep things interesting. Like your sassy signature drink, you brighten up any occasion and remind people that any event — from a backyard barbeque to a mani/pedi extravaganza — is better when you call it a party. Olé!

Love or Money - Hopeless Romantic

For richer? For poorer? It doesn't matter to you because you're the Hopeless Romantic. Whether your sweetie is an oil baron or a grease monkey, it's all about until death do us part.

Even if you haven't met "the one," you'll judge your soul mate by the love letters, roses, and foot massages — not the size of their bankroll. And even if their wallet is as fat as their sonnet collection, the toughest part of your relationship will be arguing over which charity to choose, who loves whom more, and who's the bigger Schmoopie. And if that diamond ring turns brass, no biggie — your love is totally not-for-profit.

Behind my emotions - Honesty

In other words, your commitment to leading an honest life, and your belief in the truth, directly affect how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.

For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can share all your thoughts and feelings — good or bad. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in honesty and the range of emotions it triggers.

Ancient tarot

It says I picked the card - The Hermit.

Present
This card shows that you are at a turning point in life that requires a careful decision. The Hermit symbolizes inner wisdom and truth. It also represents the exchanging of wise counsel, openness to others, and the need for patience and reflection when coming to conclusions. Because you've already learned many of life's lessons, you have the ability to turn inward in your search for an answer.

Em0tiona!!y F#cked Up

Sorry about the harsh words... But its crap!!

Crap to be feeling emotionally empty. Not lonely. Its the feeling you can't go with your emotions. I hate the women's inborn gift to be more more more emotional than men. To know yourself by heart but to follow through by head. Things happened, as they do all the time. Every passing day minus away the time I'm left here is filled with my own anxiety and rashness. Doing things you do not have self-control about, engaging in stuffs you'll have to withdraw from later. I don't think you guys understand what I'm bullshitting about right now. It's just me!!

mmm... fuck the hormones :(

Kancheong spider

My friend called me that...

I am that impatient, am I not! Cheezz....

I was praying so hard my mobile wouldn't ring. It did, phew, it was my lovely mate from Canada. First time she rang me since she left, it felt a bit odd to speak to her again over such a distance. So near yet this far...

It was singing my melody again, I saw the caller - Brit Emb. Fuck, its them. I wish I can press the "cancel" button. No I can't. Geeez... I've expected bad news, they did not mention not giving me my visa, just requested for more documents to be faxed to them. Goshhhh... you can't imagine how disappointed I am about it, I was thinking," Die, are they not giving me!!!"

Later on, my mate whom had gone on the holidaymaker visa assured me he had gone through as much. I almost freaked out if he didn't tell me about it. Thanks, Song.

p/s: Wow, my idol is playing frisbee in the office with his mate!!

My sister, just like me

My elder sister and I have vast differences in our character... (that's what I think). Till this day, I realized she has this thing so similar with me. We love to take photos of kids. Little children. Those innocence in their face. The sweet smiles, so natural and beautiful. Small hands. Small mouth.

My next home design

I've taken this before, and I used to be more suitable for "resort style", now it has changed. Mediterranean that is! If you'd like to see your perfect home, here it is.

You are an Artisan-Adventurer
Famous Artisan-Adventurers: Elvis Presley, Madonna, Ernest Hemingway, Clint Eastwood, Winston Churchill.

You are spontaneous, and a genius at thinking on your feet. You are daring and confident of yourself; and happiest when expressing yourself in some form of artistic or athletic endeavor. You are extremely in touch with the physical world.

The design style which best expresses your personality is the relaxed, laid-back, and colourful Mediterranean style. This look, reminiscent of a sidewalk café in Provence or Tuscany, shows that you are well-traveled, youthful and knowledgeable; and like a homely, cosy feel.

London I'm coming...

I applied my visa this afternoon! Its something I've been delaying and putting lot of thoughts into. Considering from my purpose of the trip to what's there for me in Singapore, and I've decided to go ahead.

It's a big decision. I did not know how to put it to my parents, my sisters knew about it. My parents are aware I'm probably leaving, I can't bear to update the details. It feels sour inside... Now I can't turn my head back, the future is laying right ahead! So much to do within these few months, and somehow many things I'll be missing as well. I meant people (more like it). Even though I'll still be in suspense for 4 more days before I get my visa approval, I hope I did convince them!

I'm scared now! Not when I was actually supposed to when I was applying, it comes a bit slow - but yea, its coming... Time has sped faster than an express train, the wind blowing hard right in my face...

And men, men, when they said they will call... they still never did... whatever.

Blue, mighty blue!

Dumbfounded. My sisters' reaction the second they saw me wearing my new sakura dress. I do think it's a little pretty dress. My elder sister has this conservative brain eh, she thinks the blue is too loud! Oh, I've to admit it's bright and somewhat catchy. But that's what making it so alluring... My lil sister thinks it makes me look like a doll. Oh really! They reckon it seems too glorious for normal occasion... ermmm yea sure, but someday I'll have this special occasion :)

My dad has this weird opinion about it, he says I look like an English lady - a Londoner. My.... how creative is that! My mum did not comment much except asking where I got it. She has this quiet consent (same as the others), I sense it. I intentionally got a pair of white shoes the other day to match this. Like a pair of ballet shoes!

p/s: For those whom are dying to take a peep at the "mighty blue", come on in friendster - its on now!

Menacing evil #06-02

I begin to visualize how evil a workplace can be... Although I have been in and out of this company for the past 2 years, I have always wanted to put the word "nice" into its description. It was nice yes. That was exactly 2 years ago. Bosses were great, there were regular company events, drinks invitation, work was busy but enjoyable.

Today. I've a hunky boss, so what!! Today. I've a better pay, so what!!! Today. It is never the same anymore. It has become a duty to work, the company is no longer a family. Everyone else is like a stranger - the closeness, warmth and laughter have converted to sinisterness and distance. My office is a forbidden city - a place where ex-employees would avoid as much as possible.

Like a kitten...

My mum came back with so much food (more than her baggage really)!!! Sometimes you can really see the difference - your parents going on a holiday and you going on one yourself. My mum loves food more than anything else that she could wear to beautify herself further. Ok, maybe besides money! Ha ha...

Volleyball again yesterday!! It was surprisingly a much smaller group, just 7 of us, but very nicely teamed to have some fun. The weather has gone back up to the perfect condition for sun-tanning. It was such a slacking session for us. Oopps, sneaking away for sun-tan and some volleyball-soccer. Of course, we did have our own friendly matches.

I returned home (after the game), knowing mum should have gotten back. And yeah, my souvenir should be some left-over after my sisters had done the filtering process. But I didn't mind. I guess I wasn't expecting too much about getting a present. My dad gotten a pair of shoes (stylo); my lil sister received a pair of "cute" slip-on and a bag (which she complained about); me and my old sister each has a similar necklace. I haven't got a choice, she left me the one with a bell-like pendant. It's lovely though. Putting it on makes me feel like a little kitten, soft and purring... Ha ha.

I'm no longer excited about london... that excitement has seeped in. Fear and worries have gradually evaporated into thin air... I'm right now feeling so stagnant. I'm about to do something that will change my life!! I should gather my courage, the air in my lungs, the hair on my head, the juice in my stomach and thrust forward!! Isn't it!!! Forget about others, its time to build my own future!!

Sigh!!!! I'm still waiting for my $128 dress to be altered to fit me... and its taking over 2 weeks. Mannnn, I'm as impatient as ever... hope all good things are worth the wait.

My mum in Thailand

I'm thrilled for her. And anxious...

It's my mum's first flight at age 52 - can you imagine how exciting it is? I can probably feel her anticipation and the butterflies in her stomach, exactly how it was like when I first boarded mine to london. I'm worried, but in fact I shouldn't be. She doesn't read english and wouldn't know how to operate the screen at her plane seat. This is one of the stupid distressing reasons. She went with my uncle & aunties - no one speaks thai I reckon. The previous time I headed there, my uncle was speaking it fluently - impressive. I'm sure she will enjoy this bangkok holiday, afterall the furthest she went was Malaysia!

My dad is a wet blanket. I urged him to go along with mum; he's just too tense about his job fearing he'll lose it if he takes too many OFF days (yea he works 6 days). Such a disappointment really. I'd really like to see both of them enthusiastically preparing - first flight for both! Oh well...

I initially took up the offer to accompany mum. I wouldn't mind forking out a few hundreds to return to bangkok again, at least I can do something with her (which I felt I never had). Later on, mum said her sister had been longing to make a trip there recently, so I gave it up for my auntie. I guess they can get along better too :)

I gave mum a red packet last night (I knew she wouldn't wake me up this morning). I don't know what significance it has, but probably just a blessing for a safe journey. She gave me twice when I had two flights previously. Even though it's not a big sum of money - I bet it means a lot. (It's actually one of the orange notes I collected in my past... keke)

Coming back to home, poor old dad will be lonely. It's actually quite something to see what's happening at home without my mum for 3 days. She's always the homemaker, taking care of everything from cooking to washing. So me and my sisters have made a point to do our own meals & laundry, so does dad. It feels empty but somehow it's a training for me! Let's see...

Oh shit, its Mothers' Day on Sunday!! Looks like she's spending it at Bangkok. Maybe I should still buy something...

Mozzarella Melt

I finally stepped into Burger King again. I've been anti-fastfood for months, I think I've been depriving myself too much from meat after going through days with only sandwiches & biscuits. I had a headache on my way home last night. Never was my head spinning from starving, I felt I could faint anytime if my legs gave way. So I decided I should indulge in a full Mozzarella Melt set meal - not the shrinking BK coupon version. Yes, I've been eyeing on it for a while!

I ate alone. Sitting by the window, for once I'm going to be this observer others have already done so by eating at the very same spot. And having avoided BK for such a long time, the meal do looked huge!! I was scribbling on my notebook, taking down things for my coming big trip. I get stares from old expats sitting diagonally across me; stares that are telling me "you looked like you're alone"! I wasn't paying them attention, continuing my observing outside that window panel, at the same time jotting down my list.

Just as I wrote down point 8 on the pad, it was him. The one I'm avoiding, I shouldn't be surprised because it's a usual place for lunch in this area. Even we are separated by an inch thick glass wall plus he was over 5 metres away, I was in a panic for few seconds. I realised he didn't notice me, so it was good. I watched him walked away with his colleagues chattering along the way.

Yesterday my blog has an unusual high no. of hits compared to the normal weekdays... I'm suspicious of someone in my Co. has spotted this url when J came over my desk and briefly spoke about work.. Well, whatever, as long as I still do what I ought to at work?! Maybe I'm wrong, if that's the case - it's world peace :)

Manic depressive

Here's a quote from the book I'm reading:
"He was meant to be playing football this afternoon - substance abusers versus the manic depressives - but the match had been cancelled. The manic depressives were too depressed."

Don't you find it amusing??

I shall stop being a manic depressive myself. Maybe I'm not, its just a momentous loony. He was on my msn (blocked), he couldn't see my presence. The second he logged out, I finished up my stuffs and packed. I knew I'd be able to "see" him if I were to leave right on time as he left. Although I've been avoiding him, there is this urge to see how he is doing. I followed my same route and just about to pass his building when his car emerged from the car park exit. I was some distance away hidden by trees, and I stood there watching him drove by. He's still the same - he didn't see me as usual.

I must have been mad over him... It has to go away, darn. The feelings I meant.