Helplessness, like a fat kid gulping down ice cream

I looked at his face, I melted. I was starting to detest my hesitation, it had infected my lungs and made me unable to speak. Catching glimpses of him and occasionally staring out of the restaurant, I was forking on my plate of fusilli and farfalle aimlessly and pushing into my mouth. It was difficult. Slow.

I had so much things in my mind I wanted to say. Part of me held on to those words, chucking them to the back of my head. I felt like a vulnerable robber even with a pistol in my hand, it only made me shivered with fear. Every minute I was reminded with things we have done, and they were always wonderful. Reality has given me a pinch. I can't live in my own dream anymore, trying to picture everything perfectly.

Colors are running. Time was running out, I was somehow afflicted with a disease that has made me vocally incompetent. I like him. I wish I could stab myself and asked me why!! And why is it happening?? My courageous test failed, I'm so ashamed.

I saw the end, but it wasn't it....