Sprang up

That which does not kill us makes us stronger - Friedrich Nietzsch


And yes, that's surely the case. After bouts of illness and downtime, it is time to bounce back up again. I have expected this, I am glad no matter how many times I have fallen, I always know I will be okay. Faith. A wonderful creation in life.

I have also read a few pyschological books on emotions and one named "Learning from the Heart" by Daniel Gottlieb. It is more than inspiring. It made me feel I was normal when anxiety hit me, when my body was reacting to a shock and I wasn't ready to feel anything. I suddenly understood.

It has been a while I can truly feel I am glowing from within. I always know I'm self-reliant. Happiness, happy food, retail therapy. I don't need anyone else to provide those. I just needed time to get back to my original state.


And yes, I need to finish off my pending Japan journal and re-join the rat race again, how fun! I am looking forward to a new start, hopefully some form of consistency in life and then my best friend's wedding in London!

I have lost him

Everyone of us have lived with losses at some point in our lives. As I read the status of an old classmate, he's not the only one I heard grieving over the loss of a loved one. Two people I know lost their dad in the last year... I can't comprehend that feeling but I do have the fear that I might be living with that regret they have. Dad is never close to me in my heart. I don't know why but in some ways we have grown apart as I grow up. I never could talk to him like a friend or even the same way I do with mum. In another way, I despise him for his shortcomings, for his inability to give us a sense of security when we grew up, for his cowardice after his retrenchment, for his monotonous life he is seemingly happy with. I guess I wanted him to be a better person than he is but obviously that isn't going to happen. Everyday I live, wishing that one day I can finally see it from his point of view or perhaps accept it but I fail terribly. Maybe one day... and I hope that's not too late.

Fate?

Today my rune reading says:

"Intense forces of change that work behind the scenes are acting on the individual at this time. While these forces may be seen as positive or negative, the appearance of Perthro most commonly suggests positive forces -- unless of course it appears in a spread with a host of negative runes.

It should be noted that while we frequently view change as either "good" or "bad" -- Perthro reminds us that such black-and-white interpretation may represent an oversimplification of fate. The change referenced by Perthro carries with it an infinite amount of complexity and subtlety. To attempt to categorize change in simplistic terms of "positive" or "negative", is to attempt to understand fate itself: something no mortal can do. When analyzing the meaning of Perthro, one should take care to remember that fate exists at a level that we can never truly know until such time that it is upon us. What seems true may prove false, and vice versa. Only fate can tell."