Life does hurt and I wish it's only today...

Today is such an eventful day, and one that very seldom but did today, made me question about life. Is it all written in the stars? Is it all decided up there when we will meet or get married and have kids or even die?

I am recently very much inspired by the optimism book I was reading. But I couldn't help today feeling that everything went wrong. From the morning I started, my interview last minute got cancelled and postponed, the same with my appointment and then mum got a call to go down to the hospital. My mood was definitely dampened. I had to attend a talk in the evening, everything else made me feel like skipping it, but I didn't. I guess I needed the walk out of the house.

Mum came home and broke us the news (that everyone has been trying to hide) that the doctor said Marisa is surviving on life support. Her brain is dead. None of us wants to believe in that. We are hoping for a miracle. Marisa might not be close to us, but we all watched her grew up. She's only 16??? Why are you taking her away when her life hasn't started? Is it destined? Tell me it's not! I really do not know what is the meaning of life? Why are most of us working like slaves trying to survive and dying without really enjoying it? Or got sick and then burdened with debts, and then surviving to pay it off?

Marisa, you made me realise life is so fragile. She also made me realised the importance of having adequate medical insurance in Singapore. With so many recent incidents I witnessed, it is not hard to see how falling sick can ruin a family or make one severely in debt. I feel so sorry for her family. I am not a mother, I can't understand the pain of the loss of one's child. But seeing it happening around me, it still feels like a knife slitting on my skin. Painful.

Law of attraction

Have you heard about something called the law of attraction? If you haven't, you're missing out the cream on top of the cake. Here's Wiki's short explanation for your understanding.

Few months back, a trainer came to our office to give us a brief talk on law of attraction. It was then new to me and I actually like the idea. It's like the "Christians believing in God", "Buddhists beliving in Buddha" or me believing in miracles. You get the idea?

Anyway, I was reading this book called "Meeting Your Half-Orange" by Amy Spencer. It focuses on dating optimism. Well, using the law of attraction really, and it is inspiring. I mean, why do women have to ask ourselves,"Why did that guy not like us?" Geez, it's not our problem, is it, really. I must say this book is only meant for women, as it addresses most of our issues, especially our pessimistic way of looking at rejection. I have no idea if it works, but I'm adopting the positive thinking and going ahead with it. No harm ;) I have also shared the stories with my good friends whom are single!

I did up a love board earlier today! A friend once told me she listed the characteristics of a man she likes, and that guy appeared. Unfortunately, the relationship didn't last. In the book, it tells us not to list the characteristics or how he should look like physically. We should focus on the ideal relationship we want, imagine the things we will be doing together and focus to wanting it. It will come. So I shall believe it!

p.s: It's available on Amazon.
p.p.s: I also found Amy's blog and thought I should list it for future inspiring read.

I miss the elephants

It has been 10 months since I was at the Elephant Park in Chiang Mai. I miss the gentle giants. They are actually so loving and warm, not like the stinking image everyone has of them. I bathed them in their pool of dung, yet I didn't feel dirty at all. I felt so comfortable in their company, the elephant assigned to me (arghh, I forgot her name) sat so quietly and let us scrub her. While the baby elephant was having fun spraying water with its trunk, I recalled splashing pails of water at him and he did it back to me!

I saw this photo in Facebook and it touched my heart. I want to be hugging an elephant!

Starry night

I used to paint for mum, but she didn't fancy it recently. And the sister did! Hehe. I need to grow my nails a little longer before I get my colors out again.

Ganbatte, Marisa

Mummy dearest was there at the hospital, giving moral support to Marisa whose is still having an operation  (a biopsy). I am not sure how old my cousin is. Maybe 16 or 18? I have too many cousins, some nearly 12 years older and others 12 years younger.

It reminded me of the time mum was in the operating theatre. Now I hear mum talking all over again about her story. She just loves to relate her hospital stay to us over and over again. Even though that was only a minor operation, our hearts were heavy and we were pacing up and down. Mum's health hasn't been the greatest, so we were worried having the operation would weaken her further. Now 4 months later, she's healthier than before. She has even put back the weight she lost. Even though old age has caught up with her but I think we all now cherish the time with her even more.

Marisa was admitted over a month ago due to a high fever. She has been in a coma since and now they are doing a biopsy. We aren't updated about her condition as her distraught mother insisted we do not ask anything about it. Whatever it is, I'm sure they are going through a rough time and I hope any of you whom chanced upon this, please say a little prayer for her.

Raspberry pink

Rumour: Glitter on the edge will prolong the manicure.

And so I tested it out. Not too bad, but its the other edge that's wearing off now after a week :P

By the way, this is one of the pinks I got from USA. Very good quality polish for only USD2!

30s

I laughed and cried while I read through those emails. Things that I wrote 4 years ago. I have aged. Now I am able to laugh at the person I used to be, now I can see why women in 30s are more attractive to men. I think when we reached 30, we began a new perspective of life. Maybe not we, but just me? I became more rational, less impulsive, more confident and I have better control of my emotions. Some years ago, I cared about how people look at me, I cried over silly things, I lost my patience over various things and I accomodated people who were obviously in the wrong! Now, I show my dissatisfaction and of course using my rational side. I get more "Sorry" than getting screamed right back and I know that's because I am able to prove they are in the wrong. For once, I'm so thankful that I have hit the 30, and this is only the beginning.

August, you're wonderful. Thank you for waking me up!